Diary Entry: Little Things…

Dear diary,

I’m home, both in literal and figurative sense of the word. I didn’t inform at home that I was coming. It was at a spur of the moment decision, which by the way payed off. As my little sister opened the gate to let me in, she saw me with a heavy hiking bag over my shoulders, arms open, eyes mischievous and smiling, “taadaa!!!” I couldn’t help myself, she leapt forward, flinging her arm over my shoulder and another around my waist, hugging me close for a minute or two, or perhaps more, but who is counting 😉  while jumping up and down in delight…….. totally worth it!!!

I had almost been beating my head off, thinking and thinking, obsessively, hurting myself in the process. I never knew or anticipated that I would need a break so soon from Lahore. I mean, I was home only last week and usually I kinda stay for at least one month before running back to my family, to recharge my spirit, but this time, I couldn’t even wait for a whole week. Odd, at least for me, given my history! And by my history I mean, when I went to Alhuda- to enjoy my first ever experience of a hostel and a life away from my family, I spent two months before coming back for the weekend there. I’ve always been tough and resilient that way. I don’t know what happened to me, but whatever happened, I don’t feel like worrying about it. On the contrary, I plan on enjoying this little window of respite to the full!

Oh, and I keep forgetting to post a story here that I wrote for my university magazine and it recently got published (Yup, Yaaaayyyy!!!), with some publication errors even though I read, re-read, re-re-read, re-re-re-read and even sent it to my friends for them to read and send constructive criticism, before sending it for publication. Uh, the irony! It still got published with some printing mistakes (hey! I sent them proof-read work.) But who cares?! (My heart is yelling, “of course I do, silly,” right now. Ugh!!!). Anyway, I’m happy that it has been published. It’s not exactly my first published work but I’m happy nevertheless. I’ll share it, asap, even though, I’m still a little possessive about it, for some very odd reason.

Anyway, writing again yesterday, reminded me of what I’ve been missing for so many months. I didn’t want to stop. That’s why I’m here! Plus I was happy and wanted to say something about it. A lesson I learned in my life, it’s not the big stuff, but always the little things that matter. People waiting for big stuff to happen to make them happy, keep waiting for a long long time, while the secret of happiness if actually right before their eyes, subtly hidden in the little, beautiful things….. I wish more people would start noticing.

Anyway, It’s almost 5 am. I must take my leave now.

Hoping to meet again, soon…..

Diary Entry 133

Dear diary,
I’m back in hostel. Actually it’s been 2 days since I came back. I’m back to my old, boring, non-creative, lonely, indifferent self. It’s like I don’t exist anymore, just like before 🙂 I had forgotten how it felt.
Anyway, another SIST came to an end about 2 weeks ago. This time I tried something new- Spoken Word. I didn’t think I could surprise myself but I did! I stood 3rd(and the SIST people wrote 2nd on my certificate :p )and it was my first ever attempt at something remotely similar to public speaking…… I mean, I thought I couldn’t talk in front of people and here I am! The other two competitions were a familiar territory so I won even with a bad throat. Alhamdulillah!
This year, I couldn’t live with my dormant self so I got my lazy bum up and moving. I volunteered for Youth club and SIST 2015. My duty was in Kids zone, where I made the worst ever cards that I ever made in my whole life but my first experience with kids went great. One cute kid, asked me to come to F-9 park every Sunday because she liked me and wanted to meet me again and remember me. Wow…. I mean WOW!!! I didn’t expect that. I mean, I’m so used to being hated by the people that I was kinda shocked and flattered because she kept insisting.
My last semester has started. That’s actually shocking….. how fast time runs. My “Crime-Leader” ain’t talking to me. I’m trying to be indifferent but its kinda hard. I’m planning on staying all the weekends at my aunt’s place. Hostel life is horrible! I can’t think of any better adjective to use with it. I’m just not into it anymore. I wanna roam about the twin cities, like a free spirit, not like my current always anxious self. I mean I don’t have serious enemies to talk about so what’s my problem? Why do I have to be so alert even inside my own room? Why do I have to keep looking over my shoulder as if something weird or bad is about to happen?(I don’t do it literally but there is always a casual but unusual alertness present.) Mum is still afraid to send me to university after what happened to my roommate but I’m not afraid. May I should be but I’m not!
My EVO is still broken and going to I-10 to get it fixed seems like a trip to Hell and back and I’m too lazy to do it
We have a morning semester this time with Fridays off. so long weekends would be most welcomed!
I wrote a poem yesterday, while sitting in class waiting for my teacher to come. I’m planning on going to MH on Friday to get my Internship certificate(Yup, internship is over-thank Goodness!). I spent most of it getting to know Rawalpindi better and remember its map anyway :p
I must go now. Have classes in the morning and I can’t think of anything better to write in here so I better just go

Until we meet again!

Diary Entry 130

Dear diary,
I don’t know how I managed to prepare for my today’s exam. I’m still amazed. Last night, I was feeling pissed and I hurt inside, today I know why. But I’ve had the most disturbing night ever! The little sleep I tried to get, was filled with nightmares and I kept waking up at odd intervals, with stomach ache, nausea and a dry mouth. I haven’t eaten much today, and I’m hungry again
Anyway,we had water problem in our hostels for some hours today. Rumors are,some main water pipeline got damaged somehow. Some girls were out, for a strike again. I saw them while coming back to university. I was too tired and out of sorts to go join them. And the problem just got solved anyway.
Tomorrow is my last exam In Sha Allah. Its Muslim Psychology exam. There was a time when I was so confident about Quranic verses and Ahadith. Not any more. I’ve been out of touch for so long that I’m forgetting what I learnt in the 1st place. No,I’m not proud of myself. And I plan to revise everything. I just don’t know when would that happen.
And I wonder why this constant headache at nights won’t let me be Yup, I have it right now, and honestly, its annoying
Oh, and the steamy bit is that me and Chloe had fight with my roommate thrice today. Gawd, it was such an awkward and hilarious situation that I couldn’t help but laugh, which annoyed my roomie so much 😀
Anyway, I’m glad its over,for now. And I’m hoping against hope that she wont start again. Because if she does, I have half mind of unleashing the actual me. And lets be honest here, she won’t like the fighter side of me. Most people tend to avoid it, and its a good thing they do.
Oh, and one thing I don’t wanna forget to mention, we burnt the stuff that kept torturing Goldie with its presence in her life. It was fun. I’m glad that she is finally moving on(or at least that’s what she tells me). And I’m glad she burnt every little thing that kept making her suffer emotionally.
Good Riddance Chloe! I’m proud of you mate! And Clarkie, you can hate me all you want now 😀 Lemme assure you,this little super villain will enjoy every little moment of it!

Ilal Liqa’ 🙂

Diary Entry:I fogot the number…

Dear diary,
yeah,its been 3 months. I missed you too. I’m writing,which means I’m back in hostel. And I don’t wanna add anymore tonight. No,there’s so much to say but I’m too numb to actually care. Just wanted to come back and say Hi.
Will see you as soon as my mood swings permit.
Chao

Diary entry 110

Dear diary,
its not cold outside but I’m feeling cold. Even the quilt I have on isn’t enough. Perhaps its because I feel cold inside, void of any warmth of love. I don’t feel love for anyone or anything in this very moment. I even hate myself without any apparent reason. But I’d be damned if I denied knowing the reason this time. I know whats wrong with me. I just don’t wanna share the reason with anyone,not even myself!
I’ve been thinking. Actually, I’ve been thinking a LOT lately. And its true that if you over think any matter, negative thoughts start to claw at your heart. I don’t want that to happen to me but seems like its already in motion. So, I’m writing this to let go of any and every negative feeling that I have encountered in past half hour or so. And surprisingly, I’m hungry. Do you think over-thinking can have that effect on people?
Well, I have to run now or my stomach would start growling.
See ya!

Diary entry 108

Dear diary,
Chloe is cooking up something. Well,I know exactly what it is,but for now I’m gonna shut up and let the things happen as they are supposed to be. I’m just itching to tell her once again “I told you so!”
Oh, no, I’m trying not to spoil the whole fun. So here are some of the things that I’m going to give a hint of knowing:
*The room decor, hidden from my sight (something is fishy there 😉 )
*The lies you had to tell me and the act part. (that was a child’s play to figure-out.)
*I saw you standing right there in front of my room,from a crack in the closed-door,when you just texted me and told me you were on your way.
Just don’t kill me when you read this,okay? :p
*sigh*
Sometimes you meet some people in life that you wish later,that you never had to cross paths with. People who destroy you. People who are a slow poison, a harmful drug that you keep on taking, until it kills you. There are people I wish I never met. The part of my life that I want to erase completely. But then again,there are those who are a blessing in disguise. Like my Chloe here, Alien buddy and some others too. They are the people who keep me awake when I most want to sleep :p But hey!I love you all in a twisted way.
I’m gonna enjoy this particular night so much, I’m sure.And…….. I should better go and have a little nap. Who knows exactly what I will be subjected to next,tonight.
Hoping to see you very soon.

P.S:Oh there’s one more thing I’m happy about. I was made admin of a page that I loved so much,yesterday. Enjoying every moment in the sun 😉
Here’s the link if you are wondering what page it is.
https://www.facebook.com/IIUIMemes

Diary entry 104

Dear diary,
my inspiration for “bad deeds” is back. Yeah,you guessed right. My bestie is back. Ah, I’ve waited so long for you Goldie, oh,but you know that, don’t you?! Stayed up with her whole night, again!
I wrote my first post for Youth Club blog today and submitted it for review. Yeah, choosing the topic was again the most difficult thing I did today. I don’t know if the post I wrote is worthy enough to be published there but I’m still happy that I did finally try to at least come up with something. I wish the editor would give me feedback so if there are some points to be improved(which there would be,surely), I can work on them.
Its been a week since I my university started and our mess is still closed. The rumor is that it might open on February 25.(Guess what,my doofus mind just forgot how to spell February.Great,just great!!! Thanks for helping,Google!  )So now,either we have to order food everyday,take it from cafe,cook it ourselves or better yet,STARVE TO DEATH!!!
Seriously uni people,stop all this stunt now,will you?! I know how to cook.You don’t need to force me into it because I don’t like it,at ALL. Be my university management,don’t try to act like my “surrogate mother!!!”
Ughhhh. . . . .
*Sigh*
Anyway,I should probably go before I have one of my famous temper tantrums right here,right now.

Hastalavista!

Diary entry 96

Dear diary,
I haven’t started studying yet and it my paper in the morning. Eyes keep hurting these days, sleep cycle has gone awry, imagination is running wild. It’s like I don’t live in this world anymore. On one hand, these feelings are lovely but on the other hand they sometimes scare me. I mean being so happy might come with a price too. There is a part in me that’s preparing me for that big moment. But on the whole, I’m happy and it’s difficult not to be. I have the “bestest” friend,always around me, making me laugh, sometimes makes me blush and sometimes challenges me in various different ways. What else can a person ask for?!

Anyway, today DIG of Islamabad came just around mess time to sort out the things. Thank God! Somebody is paying attention at least. These hypocritical management people would’ve eaten the innocent female population alive if there wasn’t anyone before whom they were accountable. Do you want me to say it now, “On your face!!!?” Or would you like to put up some more stunts before we win again and say it, dear university management?
Anyway, Chloe is waiting for me to finish writing so that we can start studying.
So, gotta go……

Catch you some time later In Sha Allah!

Diary entry 95

Dear diary,
I’ve been up all night trying to study but instead having fun with my bestie. News of a strike were buzzing in the air all day and night. By the time it was 06:30 am, it felt something like strike was on so I went out too (Chloe went to sleep). But when me and some other hostel fellows reached male campus girls were retreating. We saw two or three buses entering university and girls came running back towards female campus, shouting block the campus,shut the doors and don’t alert the guards,keep silent. . . . . .blah,blah,blah. . . . .(Nope I’m not against you girls. I was there because I wanted to be. But there is something called management. We should all learn a bit of it at least!) Anyway, strike seemed an epic fail initially. What with the meager strength and lack of discipline. So I called my bestie at 08:00am to let her know that paper was on. Reluctantly she came to campus and saw a big crowd of day scholars and hostelites outside university blocks.
What happened today. . . . .
Well, yesterday, about 15 security guards entered female hostel block and threw a girl’s belongings out in open,assaulting her both physically and verbally (this has been happening from some past days.They are literally throwing out girls). And today some female students came out to condemn the act and they were abused verbally and some got beaten by the guards. Hearing this, those girls who were in hostel to study for their final exam came out to help out their sisters. And alhamdulillah some day scholars came and joined forces with hostel students and fought for our rights and our honour.
A big thank you to those brave girls who helped us. Our paper got postponed as my class showed unity (for the very first time in 2 and a half years)and sat out the paper time 😉 Management tried to force girls to give up and some of them were giving orders to guards to beat the girls if they have to. Seeing the chaos, lady police officers were summoned. There’s been an F.I.R filed against Provost and today was the hearing in court that Provost missed (I hope she is forced to resign for rusticating those innocent students,for snubbing our voices,for ordering assault of students by security guards,for being lying hypocritical . . . .ahem,ahem.Yeah! ).
The girl they expelled yesterday night was a PhD Scholar and hearing the unfortunate news, her father got a heart attack. Some mixed news are vibrating that he is serious and some say he died. University Administration isn’t allowing any Media to do the event coverage. Payed them off. Lets see how long are you able to keep our voices down. There will be a time when we would be able to say “On your faces,administration and the so-called disciplinary committee!”
Male population (or some of them) were promising they would make history and they would help their sisters. . . . .blah,blah,blah. Remind me again,why didn’t I trust even a single word you said yesterday Seriously guys,if you don’t wanna help,then don’t! Just stop acting like hypocrites! We already have enough on our hands,don’t need any more to worry about. Thank You very much!!!
Anyway,I’m too tired to go on right now.
Later,will try to upload the video Chloe just made. It’s a talk between Female DIG (if I’m not wrong),Provost and students.
Right now I need to get some sleep…….

P.S:I dunno why I keep awake on the exact night of strike and then tire myself I hate you,”Me!”

Diary entry 93

Dear diary,
I should be studying right now but here I am!
Listening to a song over and over again,shared by a friend, with book opened in front of me and laptop in my lap. Facebook open and talking to my little sister and loving the new transformation in her personality. Loving the change from “damsel in distress” to the “warrior girl.”Hostel is again buzzing with the news of strike and the management has parked buses in old campus again. Seriously management people,did that stop us before?

By the way,its our exam in the morning so I’m not thinking about any idiotic move this time. I have to prepare for my exam and I’m hoping it doesn’t get postponed.
Chloe is asleep. Left me to study by myself so that I can teach her later what I studied. But Kara is here,blogging, chatting on Facebook and listening to a lovely song. Shes gonna kill me when she wakes up 😀
Maybe I should try to get a little study done by the time she wakes up. For that I’ll have to start studying (which,I’m not at all in mood of). But a girl, even if she’s a super-girl,she’s gotta do,what she’s gotta do.
I should probably go now.
See you soon,if life permits.