Diary Entry: Little Things…


Dear diary,

I’m home, both in literal and figurative sense of the word. I didn’t inform at home that I was coming. It was at a spur of the moment decision, which by the way payed off. As my little sister opened the gate to let me in, she saw me with a heavy hiking bag over my shoulders, arms open, eyes mischievous and smiling, “taadaa!!!” I couldn’t help myself, she leapt forward, flinging her arm over my shoulder and another around my waist, hugging me close for a minute or two, or perhaps more, but who is counting 😉  while jumping up and down in delight…….. totally worth it!!!

I had almost been beating my head off, thinking and thinking, obsessively, hurting myself in the process. I never knew or anticipated that I would need a break so soon from Lahore. I mean, I was home only last week and usually I kinda stay for at least one month before running back to my family, to recharge my spirit, but this time, I couldn’t even wait for a whole week. Odd, at least for me, given my history! And by my history I mean, when I went to Alhuda- to enjoy my first ever experience of a hostel and a life away from my family, I spent two months before coming back for the weekend there. I’ve always been tough and resilient that way. I don’t know what happened to me, but whatever happened, I don’t feel like worrying about it. On the contrary, I plan on enjoying this little window of respite to the full!

Oh, and I keep forgetting to post a story here that I wrote for my university magazine and it recently got published (Yup, Yaaaayyyy!!!), with some publication errors even though I read, re-read, re-re-read, re-re-re-read and even sent it to my friends for them to read and send constructive criticism, before sending it for publication. Uh, the irony! It still got published with some printing mistakes (hey! I sent them proof-read work.) But who cares?! (My heart is yelling, “of course I do, silly,” right now. Ugh!!!). Anyway, I’m happy that it has been published. It’s not exactly my first published work but I’m happy nevertheless. I’ll share it, asap, even though, I’m still a little possessive about it, for some very odd reason.

Anyway, writing again yesterday, reminded me of what I’ve been missing for so many months. I didn’t want to stop. That’s why I’m here! Plus I was happy and wanted to say something about it. A lesson I learned in my life, it’s not the big stuff, but always the little things that matter. People waiting for big stuff to happen to make them happy, keep waiting for a long long time, while the secret of happiness if actually right before their eyes, subtly hidden in the little, beautiful things….. I wish more people would start noticing.

Anyway, It’s almost 5 am. I must take my leave now.

Hoping to meet again, soon…..

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Diary Entry 133


Dear diary,
I’m back in hostel. Actually it’s been 2 days since I came back. I’m back to my old, boring, non-creative, lonely, indifferent self. It’s like I don’t exist anymore, just like before 🙂 I had forgotten how it felt.
Anyway, another SIST came to an end about 2 weeks ago. This time I tried something new- Spoken Word. I didn’t think I could surprise myself but I did! I stood 3rd(and the SIST people wrote 2nd on my certificate :p )and it was my first ever attempt at something remotely similar to public speaking…… I mean, I thought I couldn’t talk in front of people and here I am! The other two competitions were a familiar territory so I won even with a bad throat. Alhamdulillah!
This year, I couldn’t live with my dormant self so I got my lazy bum up and moving. I volunteered for Youth club and SIST 2015. My duty was in Kids zone, where I made the worst ever cards that I ever made in my whole life but my first experience with kids went great. One cute kid, asked me to come to F-9 park every Sunday because she liked me and wanted to meet me again and remember me. Wow…. I mean WOW!!! I didn’t expect that. I mean, I’m so used to being hated by the people that I was kinda shocked and flattered because she kept insisting.
My last semester has started. That’s actually shocking….. how fast time runs. My “Crime-Leader” ain’t talking to me. I’m trying to be indifferent but its kinda hard. I’m planning on staying all the weekends at my aunt’s place. Hostel life is horrible! I can’t think of any better adjective to use with it. I’m just not into it anymore. I wanna roam about the twin cities, like a free spirit, not like my current always anxious self. I mean I don’t have serious enemies to talk about so what’s my problem? Why do I have to be so alert even inside my own room? Why do I have to keep looking over my shoulder as if something weird or bad is about to happen?(I don’t do it literally but there is always a casual but unusual alertness present.) Mum is still afraid to send me to university after what happened to my roommate but I’m not afraid. May I should be but I’m not!
My EVO is still broken and going to I-10 to get it fixed seems like a trip to Hell and back and I’m too lazy to do it :/
We have a morning semester this time with Fridays off. so long weekends would be most welcomed!
I wrote a poem yesterday, while sitting in class waiting for my teacher to come. I’m planning on going to MH on Friday to get my Internship certificate(Yup, internship is over-thank Goodness!). I spent most of it getting to know Rawalpindi better and remember its map anyway :p
I must go now. Have classes in the morning and I can’t think of anything better to write in here so I better just go :/

Until we meet again!

Diary Entry 130


Dear diary,
I don’t know how I managed to prepare for my today’s exam. I’m still amazed. Last night, I was feeling pissed and I hurt inside, today I know why. But I’ve had the most disturbing night ever! The little sleep I tried to get, was filled with nightmares and I kept waking up at odd intervals, with stomach ache, nausea and a dry mouth. I haven’t eaten much today, and I’m hungry again :/
Anyway,we had water problem in our hostels for some hours today. Rumors are,some main water pipeline got damaged somehow. Some girls were out, for a strike again. I saw them while coming back to university. I was too tired and out of sorts to go join them. And the problem just got solved anyway.
Tomorrow is my last exam In Sha Allah. Its Muslim Psychology exam. There was a time when I was so confident about Quranic verses and Ahadith. Not any more. I’ve been out of touch for so long that I’m forgetting what I learnt in the 1st place. No,I’m not proud of myself. And I plan to revise everything. I just don’t know when would that happen.
And I wonder why this constant headache at nights won’t let me be :/ Yup, I have it right now, and honestly, its annoying :/
Oh, and the steamy bit is that me and Chloe had fight with my roommate thrice today. Gawd, it was such an awkward and hilarious situation that I couldn’t help but laugh, which annoyed my roomie so much 😀
Anyway, I’m glad its over,for now. And I’m hoping against hope that she wont start again. Because if she does, I have half mind of unleashing the actual me. And lets be honest here, she won’t like the fighter side of me. Most people tend to avoid it, and its a good thing they do.
Oh, and one thing I don’t wanna forget to mention, we burnt the stuff that kept torturing Goldie with its presence in her life. It was fun. I’m glad that she is finally moving on(or at least that’s what she tells me). And I’m glad she burnt every little thing that kept making her suffer emotionally.
Good Riddance Chloe! I’m proud of you mate! And Clarkie, you can hate me all you want now 😀 Lemme assure you,this little super villain will enjoy every little moment of it!

Ilal Liqa’ 🙂

Diary Entry:I fogot the number…


Dear diary,
yeah,its been 3 months. I missed you too. I’m writing,which means I’m back in hostel. And I don’t wanna add anymore tonight. No,there’s so much to say but I’m too numb to actually care. Just wanted to come back and say Hi.
Will see you as soon as my mood swings permit.
Chao

Diary entry 110


Dear diary,
its not cold outside but I’m feeling cold. Even the quilt I have on isn’t enough. Perhaps its because I feel cold inside, void of any warmth of love. I don’t feel love for anyone or anything in this very moment. I even hate myself without any apparent reason. But I’d be damned if I denied knowing the reason this time. I know whats wrong with me. I just don’t wanna share the reason with anyone,not even myself!
I’ve been thinking. Actually, I’ve been thinking a LOT lately. And its true that if you over think any matter, negative thoughts start to claw at your heart. I don’t want that to happen to me but seems like its already in motion. So, I’m writing this to let go of any and every negative feeling that I have encountered in past half hour or so. And surprisingly, I’m hungry. Do you think over-thinking can have that effect on people?
Well, I have to run now or my stomach would start growling.
See ya!

Diary entry 108


Dear diary,
Chloe is cooking up something. Well,I know exactly what it is,but for now I’m gonna shut up and let the things happen as they are supposed to be. I’m just itching to tell her once again “I told you so!”
Oh, no, I’m trying not to spoil the whole fun. So here are some of the things that I’m going to give a hint of knowing:
*The room decor, hidden from my sight (something is fishy there 😉 )
*The lies you had to tell me and the act part. (that was a child’s play to figure-out.)
*I saw you standing right there in front of my room,from a crack in the closed-door,when you just texted me and told me you were on your way.
Just don’t kill me when you read this,okay? :p
*sigh*
Sometimes you meet some people in life that you wish later,that you never had to cross paths with. People who destroy you. People who are a slow poison, a harmful drug that you keep on taking, until it kills you. There are people I wish I never met. The part of my life that I want to erase completely. But then again,there are those who are a blessing in disguise. Like my Chloe here, Alien buddy and some others too. They are the people who keep me awake when I most want to sleep :p But hey!I love you all in a twisted way.
I’m gonna enjoy this particular night so much, I’m sure.And…….. I should better go and have a little nap. Who knows exactly what I will be subjected to next,tonight.
Hoping to see you very soon.

P.S:Oh there’s one more thing I’m happy about. I was made admin of a page that I loved so much,yesterday. Enjoying every moment in the sun 😉
Here’s the link if you are wondering what page it is.

Diary entry 104


Dear diary,
my inspiration for “bad deeds” is back. Yeah,you guessed right. My bestie is back. Ah, I’ve waited so long for you Goldie, oh,but you know that, don’t you?! Stayed up with her whole night, again!
I wrote my first post for Youth Club blog today and submitted it for review. Yeah, choosing the topic was again the most difficult thing I did today. I don’t know if the post I wrote is worthy enough to be published there but I’m still happy that I did finally try to at least come up with something. I wish the editor would give me feedback so if there are some points to be improved(which there would be,surely), I can work on them.
Its been a week since I my university started and our mess is still closed. The rumor is that it might open on February 25.(Guess what,my doofus mind just forgot how to spell February.Great,just great!!! :-/ Thanks for helping,Google!  )So now,either we have to order food everyday,take it from cafe,cook it ourselves or better yet,STARVE TO DEATH!!!
Seriously uni people,stop all this stunt now,will you?! I know how to cook.You don’t need to force me into it because I don’t like it,at ALL. Be my university management,don’t try to act like my “surrogate mother!!!”
Ughhhh. . . . .
*Sigh*
Anyway,I should probably go before I have one of my famous temper tantrums right here,right now.

Hastalavista!