Diary Entry:LGU Times


Dear Diary,
It’s mid term exam time and as usual I’m sitting blank. I don’t even know what my subject name is, so basically I’m screwed >_<  Anxiety level is a little bit higher but instead of preparing for my exam, I’m preparing for a presentation. I guess, I will start preparation an hour or so before I actually have to write, which is absurd and daring on my part. Perhaps a little too daring even for me, seeing that it’s a new place I’m in and this place is definitely not IIUI :/
Well, as usual I’m writing in here when clearly I need to be studying. I guess this writing is one big reason I don’t freak out when I’m about to be overwhelmed. Oh, and the best creative ideas seem to have some kind of grudge with me. They come when I can’t write them down either because of lack of enough time or resources. Plus, writer’s block sucks big time!
SIST 2016 is right around the corner and I’m not prepared for it even in the slightest. I guess, it’s because I’m not participating in the categories that I’m the best at- Tajweed and Nasheed. This time I’m doing something I have no idea how to do :p Journalism and Spoken word. And the theme this year is also a bit difficult for my “sleeping-for-an-eternity-brain.” I know, winning isn’t everything. It’s just the plus point of competing. But It scares the crap out of me to even thing about the theme this time.
“The Future Awaits: What’s Next?”
I mean, how in the world am I supposed to know the future???!!! And how am I supposed to write about it when I don’t know it?! And that too with a dumb mind :/ I can’t concentrate :/
Anyway, it’s a test I need to pass and it’s something I love. Plus, participation in SIST as a Youth Club team member, is an honour in itself and it’s way better than not participating or missing SIST altogether! Not winning is kinda okay but not okay. Well I guess I will have to get back to it AFTER my exams >.<
Anyway,I must go and try to study for a bit. I hope I do succeed this time :/
Until next time (which would be soon enough-lets say before Psychopathology exam >.< )
Chao!

Diary Entry 133


Dear diary,
I’m back in hostel. Actually it’s been 2 days since I came back. I’m back to my old, boring, non-creative, lonely, indifferent self. It’s like I don’t exist anymore, just like before 🙂 I had forgotten how it felt.
Anyway, another SIST came to an end about 2 weeks ago. This time I tried something new- Spoken Word. I didn’t think I could surprise myself but I did! I stood 3rd(and the SIST people wrote 2nd on my certificate :p )and it was my first ever attempt at something remotely similar to public speaking…… I mean, I thought I couldn’t talk in front of people and here I am! The other two competitions were a familiar territory so I won even with a bad throat. Alhamdulillah!
This year, I couldn’t live with my dormant self so I got my lazy bum up and moving. I volunteered for Youth club and SIST 2015. My duty was in Kids zone, where I made the worst ever cards that I ever made in my whole life but my first experience with kids went great. One cute kid, asked me to come to F-9 park every Sunday because she liked me and wanted to meet me again and remember me. Wow…. I mean WOW!!! I didn’t expect that. I mean, I’m so used to being hated by the people that I was kinda shocked and flattered because she kept insisting.
My last semester has started. That’s actually shocking….. how fast time runs. My “Crime-Leader” ain’t talking to me. I’m trying to be indifferent but its kinda hard. I’m planning on staying all the weekends at my aunt’s place. Hostel life is horrible! I can’t think of any better adjective to use with it. I’m just not into it anymore. I wanna roam about the twin cities, like a free spirit, not like my current always anxious self. I mean I don’t have serious enemies to talk about so what’s my problem? Why do I have to be so alert even inside my own room? Why do I have to keep looking over my shoulder as if something weird or bad is about to happen?(I don’t do it literally but there is always a casual but unusual alertness present.) Mum is still afraid to send me to university after what happened to my roommate but I’m not afraid. May I should be but I’m not!
My EVO is still broken and going to I-10 to get it fixed seems like a trip to Hell and back and I’m too lazy to do it :/
We have a morning semester this time with Fridays off. so long weekends would be most welcomed!
I wrote a poem yesterday, while sitting in class waiting for my teacher to come. I’m planning on going to MH on Friday to get my Internship certificate(Yup, internship is over-thank Goodness!). I spent most of it getting to know Rawalpindi better and remember its map anyway :p
I must go now. Have classes in the morning and I can’t think of anything better to write in here so I better just go :/

Until we meet again!

Diary entry 104


Dear diary,
my inspiration for “bad deeds” is back. Yeah,you guessed right. My bestie is back. Ah, I’ve waited so long for you Goldie, oh,but you know that, don’t you?! Stayed up with her whole night, again!
I wrote my first post for Youth Club blog today and submitted it for review. Yeah, choosing the topic was again the most difficult thing I did today. I don’t know if the post I wrote is worthy enough to be published there but I’m still happy that I did finally try to at least come up with something. I wish the editor would give me feedback so if there are some points to be improved(which there would be,surely), I can work on them.
Its been a week since I my university started and our mess is still closed. The rumor is that it might open on February 25.(Guess what,my doofus mind just forgot how to spell February.Great,just great!!! :-/ Thanks for helping,Google!  )So now,either we have to order food everyday,take it from cafe,cook it ourselves or better yet,STARVE TO DEATH!!!
Seriously uni people,stop all this stunt now,will you?! I know how to cook.You don’t need to force me into it because I don’t like it,at ALL. Be my university management,don’t try to act like my “surrogate mother!!!”
Ughhhh. . . . .
*Sigh*
Anyway,I should probably go before I have one of my famous temper tantrums right here,right now.

Hastalavista!

Diary entry 102


Dear diary,
I have been very bad in past two years. I’m not the same person as I was in my 1st semester in uni. But My class fellows and friends still think me to be that good girl I used to be. Yes, they think me to be something I’m not. What made me realize this,are you wondering? (off course you can’t wonder.You are a diary! But lets just say you are :p )
Well,I didn’t tell you, both my competitions went well alhamdulillah!
In Tajweed competition,I did I mistake and to cover it,I had to recite the ayah again which meant I exceeded 13 seconds from the time allowed (4 mins). And when I came back I was a bit dejected. Last year I was the one and only winner. This year I was an embarrassment for myself!
Anyway,the day ended well. Went to Ayubia with my family and my aunt’s family. Tried to practice my nasheed on our way. Because the 1st competition, I wasn’t sure I could win, so I had to do something in the 2nd one.
The day of competition came and again I did a mistake while singing the nasheed I had chosen. I covered it well but something inside me said “Good going Girl!Lets go home, sit in a dark room and celebrate your defeat.”
But a teammate asked me to stop till the end of the whole Islamic Conference. I did. And I dunno if it was my luck or if it was fate that stopped me there that day. A big thanks to that teammate of mine. Staying there I got to witness some of the most beautiful happenings.
A brother in Islam(Br John Fontain) came from UK to give a speech,”A heart that changed its beat!”
I witnessed,him giving Maghreb Adhan,with hundreds of other people watching and some recording that precious moment. At that moment all I could think was, How lucky this man is.So many people have witnessed him,proclaiming that Allah is one and supreme.We’ll all be his witnesses on the day of Judgement.
And then I looked inward.What do I have to take with me? I was a chosen one too.And what did I do?Where did my knowledge go?What did I do with my life?
Yes,I was in tears at that very moment. Deciding that somewhere along the way,I had stopped being good,but it was about time that I went back to being a good Muslim.

And then the time for closing ceremony and prize distribution came. In that moment I wished so much to have gone earlier when I had the chance to go with my parents back to my hostel. My heart started pounding hard in my chest. As the moderator started announcing the winners in each category of competition,my team mates started going down to the stage to get their certificates.I kept congratulating them on their positions,and praying on the same time that,my performance wasn’t good enough but my little sister’s was great.So let her win,let her win,let her win. . . . . .
And then Positions for Brothers’ Tajweed.First good news that made me hopeful,unlike last year,this year there were 3 positions. At least one was my little sister’s. . . . . .
Well,Sisters’ Tajweed positions. 3rd position goes to,dunno what her name or team name was. . . . .2nd position goes to. . . .again I’m blank and my heart just drowned. . . . .
1st position goes to. . . . .Team Youth Club. . . .(wait,Whaaaa???!!!)Okay,I’m not gonna mention my name here.But it was me. Yup my mouth fell open and Alhamdulillah was the only word I could utter.A quick run to get my certificate.
Then there were brothers’ nasheed winners and sisters’ nasheed winners.
Yup,I had to make another trip down there as my it was my little sister who had won the 3rd position in nasheed.And yet another trip to get my 1st position certificate in nasheed.Again with an open mouth.
Nope I wasn’t expecting it at all(This is an understatement.You have no idea.I’m still surprised as I write in here.But lemme assure you,the certificates are quite real!)
I came back to my team’s allotted seats and the yet bigger moment arrived.
Who’s going to win the tournament overall?
We were expecting a 2nd or 3rd position there.My teammates I mean.But it was a day for miracles,so I asked Allah for one more. Yup,we all jumped out of our seats(including our Youth Club manager Raja Zia Ul Haq )when our team stood 1st in 2nd tournament in a row,alhamdulillah!
We took home SIST 2013 trophy and this time we claimed SIST 2014 trophy too.
Hah,back to where I started.This is what made me realize. . . . .
My lousy performance in both my competitions and yet Allah saves my ass twice.My bad behaviour for past 2 years and still Allah wants me to be the one on top of things that I can do.
O Allah,this is a sign enough.I’ll try to be the best I can be.But I’ll always be needing your help Oh Allah!
Take the best work of deen from me,please.
Aameen!
More later if life permits,In Sha Allah!

Diary Entry 71


Wing Chun Ad

Wing Chun Ad (Photo credit: Apreche)

Dear diary,

                     My exams are over.Actually they ended three days back but I’ve been kinda wasting my time since then.Sometimes overwhelmed by things around me,sometimes wanting to throw temper tantrums on people,on the other times too soft at heart,almost breakable.Anyway,I have no idea why I put writing here off for so long.Its always a relief to be able to share with you.I’m still in hostel for Youth Club summer camp and Martial Arts classes.I despise every second of my stay here,before the classes actually start.Then I enjoy to my fullest.Its like finally having a purpose in life and going after my life’s biggest passion-learning self-defense.Yes, I’m going to call it self defense because you know me,I never pick up a fight.

I’m torn between wanting to stay and learn Wing Chun Kung-fu or go home and be with my family.Its difficult to decide what its gonna be.For now I’m staying.I’ll go to my aunt’s place,hey,that’s my home too!

Between you and me,dear diary,I’ve started to actually socialize a little bit.I’ve found some nice,some diplomatic,some irritating and some worth loving people around me.One thing that pisses me off about some of them is their overt probing and gossip loving attitudes.I hate gossips,so I’d rather die of boredom than sit with them and go insane.So this is life at my end,extremely boring like a history book without any pictures.

At times I want to break free of all this.But we both know,I’m not going anywhere!At least not yet 😉

I better go back to my boring routine.Hope to see you soon again.

Hastalavista!

Martial Arts

Martial Arts (Photo credit: Tom Gill.)