Diary Entry: Blunders


Dear Diary,

Never again would I ever be the moderator of another official program in my life.

*huff!!!*

I mean, seriously, the pressure, the blunders, the anxiety…….. That’s simply too much!

In case you are wondering what happened, well, I was asked to be the moderator for a workshop organized by the faculty of Social Sciences in our university today, because our “usual” moderator had to go out of station. The anxiety started building up yesterday evening when I thought about actually doing the deed.  But I spent the whole time recording a voice-over for a video that my little cousin was making for a competition in her college. I had the basic structure and the event schedule provided to me yesterday but my mind didn’t feel fresh enough to rehearse, by the time I finished recording. So I simply ignored the urge to practice (a decision that by the way I am glad to have made now.)

My day today, started with running towards the auditorium because I was 3 minutes late as the bus wasn’t on time. But turned out that i was 7-12 minutes early anyway. Anyway, the starting was a little jittery but I survived through most of the day by rushing to refill my water bottle again and again during the times when the speakers were lecturing and then announcing the next speaker. Half of the time was spent giving introductions and the other half of the time was spent calling out the designations and names of important people of the university, like the dean, the registrar, the acting vice chancellor. Not to mention the repeated changes in the sequence of events and my hurried scrolls on my diary to remember those changes.

But that wasn’t enough. The closing ceremony was yet an even bigger disaster, waiting to happen. As I came on stage to announce the names of the resource persons and the organizing committee members for the reception of their respective shields and certificates, a teacher and the dean kept bugging me with new names or information every second which confused me so much. I guess, some accidents are bound to happen. So there I was, publicly humiliating myself by mixing the names and designations of who should present the next shield to whom. And to top it off, I didn’t know the name of our acting vice chancellor or even the registrar (thanks to me being an antisocial moron who doesn’t give a damn to whatever is happening around her) and I might even get chastised for it later. But I’m glad, the nightmare is over!

Never again!!!

And the most disappointing part of today was that I couldn’t be attentive during the whole speaker’s session and it was related to Qualitative research- my research is a qualitative one as well. Oh, and my head of department didn’t come today so that was very discouraging as well. But I’ve told her that I hate her for not coming today, even though, we both know that’s not true!

And right now, I feel like- either drinking a big mug of tea or sleeping for years without being disturbed! *rolling my eyes* (Like that’s gonna happen -_- )

Mayn, I’m tired!

*yawns*

Diary Entry: Little Things…


Dear diary,

I’m home, both in literal and figurative sense of the word. I didn’t inform at home that I was coming. It was at a spur of the moment decision, which by the way payed off. As my little sister opened the gate to let me in, she saw me with a heavy hiking bag over my shoulders, arms open, eyes mischievous and smiling, “taadaa!!!” I couldn’t help myself, she leapt forward, flinging her arm over my shoulder and another around my waist, hugging me close for a minute or two, or perhaps more, but who is counting 😉  while jumping up and down in delight…….. totally worth it!!!

I had almost been beating my head off, thinking and thinking, obsessively, hurting myself in the process. I never knew or anticipated that I would need a break so soon from Lahore. I mean, I was home only last week and usually I kinda stay for at least one month before running back to my family, to recharge my spirit, but this time, I couldn’t even wait for a whole week. Odd, at least for me, given my history! And by my history I mean, when I went to Alhuda- to enjoy my first ever experience of a hostel and a life away from my family, I spent two months before coming back for the weekend there. I’ve always been tough and resilient that way. I don’t know what happened to me, but whatever happened, I don’t feel like worrying about it. On the contrary, I plan on enjoying this little window of respite to the full!

Oh, and I keep forgetting to post a story here that I wrote for my university magazine and it recently got published (Yup, Yaaaayyyy!!!), with some publication errors even though I read, re-read, re-re-read, re-re-re-read and even sent it to my friends for them to read and send constructive criticism, before sending it for publication. Uh, the irony! It still got published with some printing mistakes (hey! I sent them proof-read work.) But who cares?! (My heart is yelling, “of course I do, silly,” right now. Ugh!!!). Anyway, I’m happy that it has been published. It’s not exactly my first published work but I’m happy nevertheless. I’ll share it, asap, even though, I’m still a little possessive about it, for some very odd reason.

Anyway, writing again yesterday, reminded me of what I’ve been missing for so many months. I didn’t want to stop. That’s why I’m here! Plus I was happy and wanted to say something about it. A lesson I learned in my life, it’s not the big stuff, but always the little things that matter. People waiting for big stuff to happen to make them happy, keep waiting for a long long time, while the secret of happiness if actually right before their eyes, subtly hidden in the little, beautiful things….. I wish more people would start noticing.

Anyway, It’s almost 5 am. I must take my leave now.

Hoping to meet again, soon…..

Haters, Traitors, Alligators….


I’ve been dying to write this post ever since I got stabbed in the back 😀 Yeah, I’m happy about it. All this pretending and back-stabbing has gone for too long. I see people for who they really are, not as I want to see them. It’s another matter that I keep ignoring, forgiving and trying to save my relationships. And in one way it’s good that the pretenders, haters in disguises and traitors don’t stay for much longer around me. Yes, I’m too blessed that Allah pushes every deceiver out of my life. Every impure person leaves one way or other. And because I don’t have a habit of ratting people out, people do find me on their own to share stuff that’s tough for them. I can’t say I’m worth all that. But Allah does send them to me to help me heal. Yes, I heal in the process of helping others. And as for liars and cheaters, they keep showing up at times and then they are driven out after some time, without me trying….
Anyway, I recently got betrayed and it didn’t really come as a surprise. I made my peace with it. I had to. When I first thought of writing this post, the wound was still fresh. I planned on sparing no one that night. But with the passage of time, I let my hurt and anger drain out, because that’s who I am! I can’t keep grudges or hate :/
Yes, I’m tired of haters, traitors, stalkers and all other types of alligators who keep looking for a chance to hurt me and to swallow me whole. NO!!! I’m not gonna let anyone destroy me like that. And you all being so hell bent on trying to roughen up my life says so  much about yours.
One and only one sentence for you peeps- Get a life people!

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Diary Entry 130


Dear diary,
I don’t know how I managed to prepare for my today’s exam. I’m still amazed. Last night, I was feeling pissed and I hurt inside, today I know why. But I’ve had the most disturbing night ever! The little sleep I tried to get, was filled with nightmares and I kept waking up at odd intervals, with stomach ache, nausea and a dry mouth. I haven’t eaten much today, and I’m hungry again :/
Anyway,we had water problem in our hostels for some hours today. Rumors are,some main water pipeline got damaged somehow. Some girls were out, for a strike again. I saw them while coming back to university. I was too tired and out of sorts to go join them. And the problem just got solved anyway.
Tomorrow is my last exam In Sha Allah. Its Muslim Psychology exam. There was a time when I was so confident about Quranic verses and Ahadith. Not any more. I’ve been out of touch for so long that I’m forgetting what I learnt in the 1st place. No,I’m not proud of myself. And I plan to revise everything. I just don’t know when would that happen.
And I wonder why this constant headache at nights won’t let me be :/ Yup, I have it right now, and honestly, its annoying :/
Oh, and the steamy bit is that me and Chloe had fight with my roommate thrice today. Gawd, it was such an awkward and hilarious situation that I couldn’t help but laugh, which annoyed my roomie so much 😀
Anyway, I’m glad its over,for now. And I’m hoping against hope that she wont start again. Because if she does, I have half mind of unleashing the actual me. And lets be honest here, she won’t like the fighter side of me. Most people tend to avoid it, and its a good thing they do.
Oh, and one thing I don’t wanna forget to mention, we burnt the stuff that kept torturing Goldie with its presence in her life. It was fun. I’m glad that she is finally moving on(or at least that’s what she tells me). And I’m glad she burnt every little thing that kept making her suffer emotionally.
Good Riddance Chloe! I’m proud of you mate! And Clarkie, you can hate me all you want now 😀 Lemme assure you,this little super villain will enjoy every little moment of it!

Ilal Liqa’ 🙂