Somewhere in Time

“Sometimes, a teacher learns from a student; a healer is healed by the wounded; darkness nurses the light in its very heart. And sometimes, imperfection saves your life…….”
She was a piece of work, that one. She talked in cryptic words with a playful smile on her lips and her eyes full of mischief. She knew how to dodge a bullet with mere words. You would end up being so frustrated after talking to her because her every answer was a riddle in itself and I was nowhere near solving any of the old ones, let alone the new ones piling up.
I was a curious soul and she knew it. She knew she had a great deal of power over me. I was supposed to be treating her but instead, she knew me more than I could say about knowing her. But I never gave up. She had to have some buttons that I could press, to make her talk. I just had to figure out a way to stumble upon one, even if by mistake. A fraction of a moment when she didn’t have her wits about her….. I was looking for a loop hole, a slip up. But it seemed as if she was invincible….
Running was one of my most favourite activities. I would go jogging, at dawn, every day. I loved the rush of adrenaline in my veins. Everything moving in a blur past me when I ran….. That was my happy place; a place where I went every single time after meeting her, to clear my head, to calm my nerves and to get rid of surplus energy, coursing through my body.
“You can run but you can’t escape.” I heard her voice behind me one morning as I passed an old Oak tree, standing proud and erect at the rear end of the park. I often ran through the thick woods where most people didn’t even dare to go. Her, being there, was weird. The place was always deserted, partly the reason that I ran there every day.
Hearing her voice, I came to an abrupt halt. I turned around to see her beautiful face but instead my gaze landed upon a pair of haunted, empty eyes and pursed lips. It felt as if I had accidentally hit another dimension, an alternate reality. In my 26 years in that town, I had never seen her face wiped off of that refreshing smile. She seemed as if she was about to collapse. I stepped closer to catch her, anticipating her possible fall.
“What are you doing here, in the middle of nowhere?” I asked.
“Walk with me…..?!” She half asked half ordered me, completely ignoring my question, like she always did.
I fell into steps beside her. She looked fragile.
“What are you so afraid of? Isn’t that the question you once asked me?” She recollected one of our previous, futile talks. Without waiting for an answer, she continued, “Let me answer that for you today. I…. I think I’m afraid of everything. But most of all, I’m afraid of my unfed mind, devouring my soul. I’m afraid of being a prisoner forever. I’m afraid of myself.”
I was speechless for a moment. I mean, I had spent countless hours trying to get into her head, trying to get her to talk to me only to get the answers that never made any sense. What changed now? Why did she, all of a sudden, decide that she wanted to talk?
“You know, you are still not making any sense.” I replied, a little on the edge. When it came to her, I always tended to run low on patience. I wanted immediate gratification, direct answers. I could and would surely even tolerate bluntness, if it meant solving the puzzle that she was.
A faint, ghost of a smile played on her lips. “You know, for a shrink, you are quite an impatient one.” I ran my hand through my hair and closed my eyes, a habit I picked up over time. Her smile grew, seeing my obvious impatience.
“You are not going to make it any easier, are you?” I asked, exasperated.
“I don’t plan to.” She replied, still in a cheeky mood. I sighed.
We walked in a complete silence, save the rustling of the leaves around. Her home was adjacent to the park. I could almost sense that our talk was over by the time we neared her doorsteps. But as she slowly climbed her stairs, she turned towards me and said, “It’s almost time!”
“Time for what?” I asked. She stayed quiet. “Time for what?” I asked again.
“Soon.” She said.
“Soon….? Soon, what?” I almost silently begged her not to leave me hanging there, as she opened her front door. “Patience my dear, patience!”
She smiled again as she turned, that smile not reaching her eyes. She entered her home and closed the door behind her.
This time, I wasn’t only frustrated, I was angry and scared. A smile on a face as white as death was enough to rattle someone. But I was more afraid of what her words might mean. They had an aura of danger about them. My insides kept shouting, trying, to be heard, over her every word that was playing on an infinite loop inside my head. She seemed sick but still she held strong. Anyone would have called her stupid but I had a feeling that she knew what she was doing and I was just too dumb to figure it out quick enough.
She first came to me after her folks died in a car accident a year ago. She wasn’t the first disturbed person that I had encountered but she was definitely the first one who didn’t look the part. She came voluntarily to the sessions, always on time and never missed even a single one. She would sit for an hour, saying very little or sometimes, nothing at all. I always did most of the talking, asking her questions which were mostly answered by her silence and sometimes with words that were plain English but somehow, I always failed to understand.
Whenever I would ask her why she was here when she didn’t feel like talking very much, she would reply with a serious face that she liked it here. What was it that she liked, still beats me. And then she would go on and say “Some people are just not meant to be caged….. You know, one of these days you’ll get really tired but nobody will care. You try too hard, you know…….”
Or she would sometimes bombard me with questions. With her, I never knew what was coming next……
I woke up with a start, the very next morning, my eyes, still a little groggy from staying up late last night, trying to figure out what she meant yesterday. I barely heard the faint knock on my front door over my thudding heart. One look at the clock and my whole body went limp for a bit. I should have been up and jogging, about half an hour ago. I cursed under my breath as I peeled away the sheets from my body, for a moment, forgetting the pounding on my door that woke me up in the first place.
Rubbing my eyes, I hurriedly walked towards my door. It was already March but the mornings were still pretty chilly around here. Whoever was out there, had a good chance of freezing to death. I opened the door and my arms barely caught her before her knees hit the floor. I was fully awake, that very instant.
“What the hell do you think you are doing? Are you trying to kill yourself?” I hissed, darkly, anger seeping into my blood, and me, barely controlling it from oozing out.
“I waited for you. You didn’t come to the park today. I had to see you!” She replied, her voice a mere whisper, her eyes pleading, silently, to be heard. Seeing her face, my rage went out the window.
Her rosy cheeks had been completely replaced by a lime, papery thin skin. It was as if she had aged decades in a single week.
She was in no condition to walk so I carried her to the couch in my living room. Her breaths were shallow, her hands, freezing cold. I put a quilt over her tiny body and said “I’ll be back in a jiffy.” But as I was about to go into my kitchenette to whip up some hot cocoa with cream, she grabbed a hold of my sleeve and stopped me, saying “There’s no time.”
I stopped in my tracks, that nagging feeling from yesterday, returning with full force. “You need to be warm.” I said, reluctant, by this time, to leave her side.
“No, I need to give you this.” She took out a diary from an inside pocket of her jacket. “For once, you should be glad. I listened to what you said. I kept a journal.” She continued. “You’ll get your answers now. At least some of them….”
A tear escaped her eye and was followed by several more. Internally, I slapped myself out of my shell-shocked state, sat by her side and put my arms around her.
“You know, it’s so hard to put up a brave face when there is nothing left inside of you, when you are just an empty shell.” She broke down, in my arms.
“People see that composed face and they think that nothing can shake you, you are invincible. That gives them the illusion of being entitled to hurt you. Because you are brave, nothing can break you down or tear you up. But they are wrong. Oh God! They are so, so wrong!!!” She sobbed.
For once in my life, she and I were on the same page. I heard her, I understood her and I felt for her. All this time, she had been trying to give a face to the courage itself. It’s hardly possible for me not to admire her strength. Life does have a twisted, ironic sense of humor.
“But it’s time…… It’s time for me to bury the demons I have fought my entire life. I have battled for so long, I’m tired. I don’t want to fight anymore.”
I held her tighter in my arms. It felt as if she was saying good bye. But the truth is, I didn’t want to let her go. Yes, she drove me insane but over the time, I had come to love that feeling.
From a distance, I had known her ever since she was born. I knew she was strong, like her parents but I never knew how much pain she hid under that mesmerizing smile. I never guessed how much damage her parents’ death did to her. She was like a beacon of light, at the heart of darkness. A small voice that refused to be denied an audience.
She closed her eyes as I wiped tears from her cheek. Her face turned into my palm, as if, savoring the warmth. She sighed, her lips curving into a faint smile before her body went limp. For a moment I thought she was asleep, she seemed so peaceful. But her body slowly turned colder. What happened next, is a chunk of darkness; a blur. A significant part of my morning, completely gone….. Forgotten, unregistered by a grieving mind.
It seems I was on auto pilot mode that day, after she died in my arms. Her funeral passed in a haze. Apparently, she had isolated herself from the world after her family died and she was closest to me in the whole town so I was supposed to recite her eulogy. I don’t know what I said. I think I must have stood there in complete silence. Then I must have broken down in front of the entire town because she taught me that it was okay to cry through the pain sometimes and get over it. There’s no shame in it; that it was okay to not be a hero all the time; that if bursting into tears healed the hole in your heart and saved you from an eternity of misery, then being imperfect wasn’t so bad after all. For this imperfection, this tiny moment of weakness, this window of respite was what made us stronger in the end.
The moment I got back home, I sat by the couch, on the carpet and opened her journal.
The first page read:
‘Some day, the visits to the doc won’t be enough. My mind is already overwhelming me, on daily basis. It’s hard, really hard, not to cry every waking moment. When I go for the sessions, I don’t know why, but I feel calmer, even though the doc keeps complaining that I don’t talk much. I think she is the reason that I’m still grounded. She talks funny and always keeps asking me questions. I answer her every question but I guess, I do it in my head…..’
Another entry said:
‘I can feel it coming. It’s almost time to be free. The freedom I have longed for, so much, my whole life. How can someone force someone to be a prisoner? It’s barbaric. It’s inhumane…..’
The next page consisted of a single sentence only.
‘Some entities are just wild and not meant to be caged.’
I could sense a theme, a pattern in most of the journal entries. Another one read:
‘The hole inside me has grown wider. It’s consuming me. I don’t know how much longer I can hold onto this dear life. I think my crazy mind would be the death of me.’
‘Okay, the train just crossed the ‘weird-ville’ to ‘deadly town’, I thought to myself.
I kept reading. Honestly, I couldn’t stop at this point.
‘Every bird is meant to fly. My time will come soon….’
Again with the metaphors. She was mysterious, even in death.
The next entry was composed of two short sentences.
‘I’m sick. I’m ready….’
I was saved from a severe headache that was slowly building, by the next entry.
‘Dear doc, I’ve never been great with good-byes. I never got the chance to say that to my family. So I’m making sure the history doesn’t repeat itself this time. I’ve been sick for quite some time now. But my sickness is the key to my dungeon. This body….. It has been holding me back. I have always felt as if I was being held captive, against my will. But that’s gonna change, soon! I know I owe you some answers, hence this entry. You have been a real help, even when you thought you weren’t and even when you didn’t know it.
I have always known that I was wild. I was meant to be out in the open. Nothing helped to drown this voice inside me. You are lucky doc. You run and escape from everything for a moment. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t reach my happy place. Finally, it’s time for me to move on to my happy place. This might be the last time I write in here.
My death will be my salvation and I will embrace it with open arms. And dear doc, when the time comes, you need to let the bird fly. With a wide smile, say your good bye!
And then the next page, adorned with her last few words. The words I would never forget….
“Sometimes, a teacher learns from a student; a healer is healed by the wounded; darkness nurses the light in its very heart. And sometimes, imperfection saves your life………..”

Diary Entry:My faulty stars….

Dear diary,
I’m so much accident prone these days. First I realized that I have lost my ATM card,don’t know when. And I’m not even sure if it was lost or stolen :/ I don’t know how long it’s been missing either. I realized I was broke! Then coming from auntie’s place, somebody either stole my cell charger or I lost it somewhere (slim chance there, I assure you.) As if that wasn’t enough tragedy in one week, my laptop had to take a dive,only it wasn’t water,it was floor. Leaving 3 very slim but nasty(for me at least)lines on the screen. And my EVO broke again!
My mids start from tomorrow and I just want to yell to heavens “GIMME A BREAK!!!”
I don’t believe in stars or being star-struck of course. I sat with my tortured lappie, to study and here I am!
Oh,and I left the bigger part out. I didn’t panic even after suffering this much 😀 Boy,am I happy……
Actually, I don’t even think I was shock that froze me. Because I have functioned perfectly fine since then. Yeah,well I know its kinda weird because everyone know how possessive I am about my stuff. And this leads to my premature diagnosis. Either I’m insane beyond my comprehension or I have finally learned how to master my emotions. Putting emotions on one side, I have this headache, that’s there in the back ground all the times these days. No, its not tensional, I would know. I have the perfect cure for such a headache. Its annoying but I’m managing.
I keep reminding me I have to study, Chloe and my own exam depends on me studying. Yeah,its a lot of dependence and it freaks me out! Guess,I should get used to it by now but I’m not. Just like I’m not used to talking to someone on call,even if its the banker who is supposed to block my ATM card. Okay, I did talk to him and it went fine but the part before actually doing the deed it the most difficult part. I always delay calling because I’m never comfortable.
Anyway, I should b studying :/

See ya, asap!

Diary Entry 123

Dear diary,
yaaayyyy,I’m back!!! And that too,sooner than I thought I would be. Isn’t it great? 😀 Well,I should be studying right now,but people keep talking to me whenever I try to study and when my mood to study vanishes,people go too. Its annoying and sometimes frustrating too but there’s nothing I have been able to do about it from the past 2 days :/ My cousins,friends,class fellows,family and other people to whom I haven’t talked for ages. Seriously, people,you need to stop doing that :/
And here I am, doing exactly nothing. Well, if you count listening to nasheeds, writing here,chatting on cell And occasionally when I get a little window of respite, reading something related to my subject;in nothing. My days are about to grow into some kinda nightmare. Internship in the morning and classes in the evening. Yeah,it will be difficult to manage but I will do it anyway, somehow, I’m sure.
There’s a story I was writing about 6 months ago or so,that I left unfinished. Recently,I gave it a reading again,and actually loved it so much that I want to complete it after all. I asked some of my friends to give it a try too and they loved it too. Told me to complete it.
I wanna do it as soon as possible. But my routine til date,is so bad, I dunno when would I complete it. But I will.
Dear diary, I sometimes feel like there’s a higher purpose to my life. As if I’m not meant to cook,do laundries or dishes,raise children after tying the knot. In fact, I dunno for sure,if I was made for such routines. For one,I don’t trust men,no matter how good or great they seem. And then the problem of me not liking people easily,isn’t an easy one to get over :/ there are very rare chances of me liking a person in my very first encounter. How would I like someone enough to actually make up my mind to marry him,is beyond me. Mum doesn’t know that yet. She still keeps drilling me with “the” lecture on starting to learn how to make a house a home :/ Ma, seriously,for the Nth time,I don’t wanna learn how to cook. I hate cooking :/ ugh,I’m hungry now. Actually I feel like I have hypoglycemia right now :@ I should run to the kitchen n get something to eat or drink. I’m not done with you yet,dear diary but I have so much pending work to do and then have to sleep. So,I will see you,when I see you 🙂


For the last time

imagesShe kept looking on his retreating back for as long as the dark, empty night would let her. Her once deep,lively eyes were shallow and empty, like death itself. They seemed to be looking at far away places.
Even after his lean body was out of sight, she kept staring into nothingness for a long time. Seconds, minutes, hours. . . . . she didn’t know how long she had been standing there, frozen. She felt like she had been robbed off something very important. But what was it? What could it be? That’s something she was having difficulty figuring out. Her mind refused to think or provide any answers. She felt numb, life-less, cold. . . . . stone-cold.
It was starting to rain. A little drop here and a drop there. A drop on her pale, blood-drained face. Snapping back to reality, she put her one bare foot in front of the other. On touching the soft carpet of thick grass under her feet, she felt so weak, so helpless, so little. Her footing was so unsure and yet she knew she had to keep moving for as long as her legs would carry her. Right foot, left then right and left. She didn’t go far. Couldn’t go far. Every single step she took, seemed more difficult than the one before.
She stumbled, her legs too weak to carry her any further. No, she wasn’t someone with a heavy frame. She was small yet strong, built for brave stuff. Running, a lot of running perhaps. And her brain…..her brain, clearly it was meant for a far greater purposes than she realized.
she stumbled again. This time, her knees meeting the ground. Resigned, she didn’t try to get up. A tear escaped her eyes and another…..a scream building inside her.
The rain, getting strong by the minute drenching her to the bones. Her tears,an unending stream. Numbness,leaving her body as awareness took its place. Soaked completely,crying hard, she put her now throbbing head down on the soft blades of grass,wishing for death to come and take a hold of her at that particular moment. But she knew, it wasn’t her time to die. She had to fulfill her true purpose of life yet, whatever that purpose was. So she let her tears flow openly. Crying, for the last time, without shame, for every single person who left her in the past and the present,everyone who never tried to stick with her for long enough to know her well. Everyone who took a part of her with them as they went. As tears left her eyes, she felt as if every part of herself she ever lost, it was coming back to her. So slowly and gradually she became whole again. One by one, she kept burning her memories. Tears kept flowing until she felt complete again, void of any hurt. Empty,yet whole again. Her eyes felt puffy and ached, her whole body cold and wet. It was time to be brave and go home. So she stood up, this time without any difficulty, without any shackles of her past creating any difficulty for her. Slowly she walked back to her door,got inside her home, that reeked of solitude, but felt like some place she actually belonged. Closing the door behind her, she closed the door of misery, extricating herself from her self-made problems. She knew, it was the start of something new and she was ready, ready to face whatever was to come next………

Once Upon A Time Story……

‘What are you doing gentleman?’ Paulo,the officer in command of the space shuttle asked,puzzled.
‘Well, nothing special to you Sir,but I’m keeping a promise which is a matter of life and death for me.’said he.
The officer was still very much confused but never tried to ask any other question about that matter.’Now do tell me whether you wanna stay here for an eternity? If I’m not mistaken, you know it very well that our mission here; on moon has been completed from past an hour and we need to get back to earth as soon as possible.But you seem to be struck with some kind of “lunar-lunatic virus”.I don’t see any point in wandering on moon surface, tapping the ground from time to time. What you really are up to?” Paulo was being pissed off, but there seemed to be no effect on Oliver.
He bent on his knees and started digging the ground.” Sir ,you wont understand even if i told you.So,I don’t wanna tell the reason behind this and be ridiculed at.And thats all I can say.”
“Oh!”dear-Mr-lunatic” has got some stupid little secret to hide!”,said Paulo with a mocking gravity but Oliver remained silent and calm.That was an extra ordinary and sometimes,an outrageous thing about him.He never had that “anger phlegm”, as most of his companions ; the earthly people did.
On the contrary,Paulo was quick to anger and slow to forgive. Patience was not his best quality.But he knew that he cant leave for earth without Oliver because Oliver was the head of the team of shuttle control operators as well as the master mind who designed the shuttle. He knew the control systems of the shuttle better than anyone else.So Paulo and the others felt like stranded , strangled and helpless in an unknown prohibited territory.At last,Oliver got to his feet clutching some sample of moon rock and sand grain in a transparent plastic bag.He said,straightening himself,”Now! I’m ready to take you all with me.” He was grinning to himself.Once they were at a safe place and sat with his eyes closed.thinking hard.”At last,I’ve accomplished my task.I’ve won everything,I’ve ever dreamed of!”.His realistic soul responded ,”lucky mate !But don’t try to be over confident and proud ‘cos “pride hath fall”. You know yourself very well,you dumb! never able to learn a thing from mistakes of others as wise men do.You always fall to get a lesson stick in your bones.” And on a response like that from his conscience, he laughed to himself.
As soon as the team , hit the atmosphere of earth,there was the news of their big achievement.Every news agency strove hard to give the latest part of the news first.”It has been a great step,a great milestone towards success.We congratulate NASA team for their ultimate success”.It was all over the satellite channels.Everyone seemed happy except one person-Mrs.BELLE THOMAS.Deep in her heart she regretted every inch of the current news.She went instantly to her study and confined herself to it for quite sometime. She needed to be alone.Thank God!Mr.THOMAS was out ,working at his office late,that day.
The team un boarded the deck,welcomed by cheers and a great applause from NASA engineers and scientists.Oliver also got out.It was a blessing to be back,smelling the earthly odour and air again after so many years of waiting.Everything only seemed like yesterday except that his colleagues looked battered,tired and ten years or so,older than he was.Only then an idea struck him.”Oh God! She would never look like she was before.Now,she would have a good reason to reject me and she may say “Oh !you cheat!! Its not a broken moon.Firstly because its not shining and secondly because I can see the full moon out there!” He chuckled and made up his mind that even if she is old or battered I wont let her do that ….I wont let her give me lame excuses.I’d make her come to me.I’d stop her,I wont let her go.”.It dawned on him then and it felt like a thunder bolt.All his happiness drained away but he was still hopeful and optimistic.
The morning mail took away,all his hope and energy that ever was left to him.There he was, holding a letter in his trembling hands.He felt weak and entirely shaken by the contents of that “death sentence” of his.The words of the letter said:
“Hey Oliver! Welcome back and congrats on your great success.I did know that your love for me was pure and true but I ‘m afraid that I ‘cant love you and that not everything in this life could be achieved.I beg you to forget me as I’m married from past twelve years now and have 6-year old twins and a ten year old kid.Now that you are a man with a bright and successful future,I’m sure you’ll find your new love.And please just try to forget the past.I’m sorry…… I really am!
“Sincerely,eh????!!!! crap!!!’ he was shaking and crying hard like a wounded child sitting beside his dead parents and with no future ahead,heart-broken and angry on being deceived.He remembered clearly the day when he confessed his love to the,then,Belle Richards.’Hey ,Belle! How am I supposed to show you that I’ve fallen head over heels for you ?’.She had responded in fun,at that moment.”Well,Olie!do me a favour then either bring me broken stars or moon from the sky or just be contended in shutting your mouth and keeping your secret to yourself.’ He took the first part to his heart and strove hard than ever to join NASA and be their best ever officer. And then he was also deputy to Paulo and went to bring moon for her.Seems absurd now!! But ,how would you define passionate love then?
And now when he was back after 13 long earthly years , to be with her ,to love her.She felt only sorry on not being able to be there for him!!!!.’She never was yours,never in the start,not even now and wont ever be!’,It was Eleanor.She was watching him do all that crying and stuff.She was five when Oliver left on his mission to moon and now she was 20-beautiful and mature.He himself must be round about 35 according to earthly years but looked more like a 26 year old.He thought that things really have fallen apart in his long absence but he was wrong.Somehow she gave him his second mail .It was a beauteous card and on it ,was written in bold gold letters:
‘you know what I’ve got in store for you!
no broken stars,no moon,
But only pure love and extreme care.
So,if you don’t mind;
Just step into my heart,
and be mine forever,
and be mine forever!’
It was signed ‘Eleanor’.He was so taken aback.Oh! It was true then,that someone really loved him and cared for him.He no longer felt dejected.Maybe ,she was the one worth his love and no Belle Richards or Belle Thomas.Only Eleanor-the child who was so close to him in her childhood and he loved her so much then-that child who now stood before him ,grown up and ripe ,confessing her love for him or was it the support,she was intending to provide him.Well that never really mattered.Its always the passion which counts. He remembered her calling him ‘Uncle Olie,’ giving stress on pronouncing ‘l’ and prolonging the last alphabet as ‘Ollieee’.He loved it that way.It sometimes happens in life,and mostly in love that you busy yourself to make your beloved happy and come closer to you.But in the end you realize that they might be happy but not at all feel closer;that they have left your side a long time ago.At that moment the one who stays beside you,is truly the one who ever loved you.So you must not leave him alone and hold his hand.Eleanor was there but it was difficult for him .He had to give up for her and he did! Eleanor thought:
“And ah!yes Belle , You were absolutely right.Olie has found his love,his life-the fruit to his hard work-his soul mate ,love interest -Eleanor!’
And once they were married ,he said to her,’I don’t regret that I fell.It helped a lot.Thats the reason so far ,that I’ve got you by my side .’And they laughed heartily.
He then suddenly remembered something.He got out of his bed,went to his cupboard and extracted the samples of moon rock and sand.Coming back to her he presented the reward of his 15-year work before her and also gave himself,whole heartedly in her possession saying:
‘Yes Eleanor,you are the one who deserved it and you are the one who has Oliver in her complete possession.From today,I shall always be yours.Till my last breath,I’ll stay beside you sincerely and thats a promise.Now If you please;just rise and shine in my life!’
Her eyes opened wide in shock but she was thrilled and happy.

And now we come to our typical ending of a story ,which is: “And they lived happily ever after!!!’.

(P.S:wrote this piece some 4 or 5 years back so it would probably filled with flaws)

Mother . . . . .

Torn between the right thing to do and the need to destroy that person,she sat morosely on her bed.The western scientists say that we are what we eat.Carnivores were not allowed to be eaten in her place just because her elders said so and her religion forbade her.But what she felt inside was something new and something totally opposite to what diet she took in.She felt pure hatred boiling her head-a character of Pigs.She wanted to rip him apart and drink his blood-again an animal instinct.She felt like a lioness,whose little cub got hurt in front of her eyes and the offender sat before her eyes,relaxed and careless.She wanted to cut his body into thousands of pieces-one for each moment of unhappiness he bestowed her and her child with.She was living through the moments of past again!
“Oh good Lord!tell me this has nothing to do with me-this is for my child’s sake.”
she begged inside her head.
But she didn’t feel satisfied.She tried to change her position,to go and busy herself in something to occupy her mind but failed miserably.He cheated on her and she was fully aware of it.Right from the start of their marriage,he was never truly her.He defiled her trust,and killed her love for himself.To her;he was everything in her life.To him;she was nothing.Firstly she was his match-a result of arranged marriage and later,she was the mother of his child.She was never a soul mate,a better half or a love interest for him.
She was so true to him-always!
How she spent her youth and her old age in trying to make her life less miserable with him.she tried and tried to forgive him again and again-when he was mean to her.She tried to overlook his disloyalties but to no end.Whenever he did something wrong-her heart wept but she was helpless.
As the time passed,she learned to ignore whatever he did outside his home.But her heart didn’t stop bleeding and crying . . . . .
She was ready to forgive all his misgivings but “cheating on her child”,that was unforgivable!!!

She would rip him apart to save her child if she needed to.

Now,thats what a mother would do for her child!!!And thats what she was ready to do.she would save her child from his own shadow if she had to.

Now for my mother-I miss  you a lot mama.Its your prayers that help me stand before the world.Its your protection that saved me from any harm.Its your love for me that taught me compassion in my own life.I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I’M PROUD TO BE YOUR CHILD!!!

talented or abmormal?

Mic in my right hand,just like my music teacher once taught me to hold, in the mid of the stage,swaying with the rhythm of piano,once again I stand,ready to play my part.There’s no looking back now,I’m just being who I am,I’m being myself.there’s no turning back for this time I’ve come so far.


At last!!!  And here’s my cue,my turn to sing,to speak my heart out aloud.No shivering,no fear-my body is temporarily immune to such sensations.I’m feeling nothing but the passion,the urge to put my inner self into words and to dance with the beat as if nobody is watching me.I’m all alert,concentrating all my bodily powers and all my mental energies on this one point,into achieving this one goal.So,here’s the trade secret-I’m putting the whole of my existence into my voice today because I’ve realized that I’m second to none,I’m unique and I know it now.So,here I am,and I’ve come here to win.No,I’m not competing anyone,this isn’t even a competition,but I have to win-the hearts of my listeners.I have to win the acceptance certificate.I know I can do this-

“Its okay.Hey,you’ve done this before,haven’t you?”

Yeah,I can absolutely do this.

But can I do it right???!!!

Oh,I know there’s no time to reason,no way to get out now,so,here I go . . . . . . . . . . I took a deep breath,slowly raised my eyes and leveled them with my audience,took slow steps and I was once again in spotlight ,welcomed with a loud applause.I flashed my smile and first words poured from my mouth. “Let the music play DJ, my emotions,let them flow. In the form of this ballad, my love today,I’ll show . . . . .” And then there was no stopping.My heart didn’t miss a beat and before long I was scattering my charm,the music following my lead.Perfect!Better than I ever thought,was possible.A little more persuasion,and the night and stage would be all mine! So,I took help from some gestures and I could feel every heart following me. A sudden change in tempo of music,a little upbeat mode and soon my audience was singing with me-my first original song.I was astonished how quickly they learnt  the chorus.So,I knew where all this was going.That was my chance to takeover before I quit singing and I availed it fully,to have no regrets later.I did my job exceptionally well. I sang on the top of my voice,allowing myself to be carried away for the very first time in my life.I felt so light as if I was flying on the beats.And most importantly,I felt alive! So long,I had been busy to suppress the singer inside me,trying to pretend that I was normal,that I perfectly fit into this world of normal people.But I didn’t realize that I was trying to deny my own existence .I’m glad though,for not giving up long ago.I’m glad,I didn’t let the craving inside me die.I’m happy for letting my unfulfilled passion to kill me form inside,for dying with it helped me to live for it,teaching me to break free from my self-built dungeons. How was I supposed to unveil my hidden obsession for singing without dying for it first?how could I reach the climax of my ecstasy without reaching the depth of my insanity?How could’ve I found the art of ‘sensational-singing’,without exploring it,before experiencing the inner need for it? Oh yeah,it was a dream,a beautiful one at that,but I would never ruin it by saying that with cheers and applause,my eyes opened to the reality,and braced myself in my bed-to finally face the reality.But lemme tell you one thing,dreams  dreamt  with open eyes never die,thats the beauty of it.Since my eyes didn’t open to the real world(apparently they were open already)so I was once again ready to enjoy my current status in the world-the status of an OUTCAST!!!!