Winter And You…


Most oft than not,
I think of you, a lot.
When the winter comes
When the cold wraps me
I wonder where you will be
The way you were there,
Far apart, yet near.
A single touch,
A peck on cheek
A light embrace,
Warmth running deep
I keep dreaming of it
All the time.
You see,against me,
It’s my biggest crime
Each gush of memory,
Stronger by night.
I plunge under,
Without a fight.
I’m blue,it’s true…..
I’m sick and tired of memories of You!

You Did Not Die Alone, You Took A Part of Me With You!


I could not stop- I could not stop myself from writing and I still can’t stop crying. It’s Tuesday, December 16,2014; a day that never failed to hurt us, as a nation and as one People. It’s a day, that world saw the two parts of Pakistan finally break into two sovereign nations and it’s a day which saw countless little kids losing their precious lives.
How could I stop? How could I not say a word on this whole massacre of innocents in Army Public School And College, Peshawar? I have a long History with Army Public School and College. It’s the name that became my introduction 20 years ago. It’s the name that makes the feeling of love bubble in my chest. It’s a name I call my own! And it’s a name I would lay my life down for!
It’s a day when so many innocent kids met their unfortunate end by bullets fired on their heads. It’s a day when being an Army Brat makes me proud of myself. For we are not cowards! We take bullets in our chests,we don’t turn our backs and run away!
Oh,it breaks my heart even to think of what their parents would be going through,right now. It’s not easy, to have to bury your child. It’s never easy to see your siblings go 6 feet down and under…..
My little brother and sister,they are still going to Army Public,even though, I know, my school and college have been threatened countless times,when I was still a student. The pictures circulating on the internet(which I won’t attach here),one picture resembles my little brother so much that it gave me creeps.(My family is safe Alhamdulillah!)
On one side I’m crying for the little brothers and sisters I lost today and on the other, I’m actually glad that it wasn’t in my city pr my siblings. My siblings were not in the place of those unfortunate souls. Does that make me any selfish? I wish people would stop posting emotional stuff on social media. It’s so depressing. I’ve been crying for past 3 hours and I can’t stop.
But being a Muslim, I do believe, and it’s my duty to say it out loud, that NO MUSLIM CAN KILL INNOCENTS. IT’S AGAINSTย  THE TEACHINGS OF ISLAM. NO ONE CAN KILL IN COLD BLOOD AND THEN CLAIM TO BE A MUSLIM. Call me naive or whatever, but my Muslim brothers can’t kill other Muslim brothers. And I don’t care what the brutes of other worlds say about my religion and my people, what I know about my people, they don’t! It’s easy to talk with their big mouths from far away, it’s so difficult to endure. The loss we had today shows that Muslims are not the Terrorists,as portrayed by the whole stupid media, we are the VICTIMS! The flower buds we lost today,before they could even blossom, are the living proof of that!

Diary Entry 132


Dear diary,
I dunno if I forgot to tell you that we have an evening semester this time with internship in the morning. Our department has totally gone crazy. We are getting piles and piles of assignments and presentations,some of them punishments for doing something and others,punishments for not doing something :-/ Seems like 3.5 years are enough to irritate the hell outta someone,or maybe our department people think so….
I’m this quiet,calm,collected and confident person outside, and inside, I’m totally freaking out!!! How am I supposed to get all the stuff done by the due date? Okay, fine, I know I can, if I put some effort but do I wanna put that effort? NO!!! I don’t wanna go outside my comfort zone even if its for the best. I don’t!
I don’t hate my department but I surely hate it’s people. Well, maybe Hate is too strong a word. Lets say, I don’t like them….I won’t be caught dead with them…. So I guess, it’s not really Hate :p
Sorry,I’m babbling again :/
It’s just that I don’t write very often any more and I totally miss it. So when I do, I tend to over talk a bit…..okay, a bit too much, but its okay I guess. It’s not hurting anyone and writing sets me free…..
My finals start on January 5,2015 and I’m kinda scared. No, things are not difficult but I’m so anxious these days. My internship date happens to be December 21,2014 and it wont really be useful for me in this semester but I’m gonna do it anyway, for experience. For the case reports, I’m glad that I went to CMH Sialkot when I did,for internship. It’s helping me a LOT.
And….. I miss my Psychologist! Right now, I’m missing her so much :/
Maybe, we’ll get to meet soon in sha Allah.
The only thing that keeps me going these days is the little bit of Qur’anic teachings that stayed with me. Especially the ayah in which Allah says that He never puts any burden on person who isn’t capable of bearing it. We are always judged with tests that are made with respect to our abilities. I guess, being in this university right now is my version of test. I’m just glad I don’t have too much time left here. And it also saddens me because I really loved the place and the “green buses”…. its only the people whom I don’t like and my dislike for them makes me bind sometimes and I think I hate my university. Th truth is, I don’t! If only there is some sort of dramatic change in our whole faculty,replacing old geysers(excuse my language, I’m not feeling really warm about my department people today :/ not proud of this word but I’m still gonna use it.) with brand new,more understanding staff members, it would be great, just about now!
Anyway, SIST 2015 is approaching way too quickly. I will have some days to memorize the required stuff after exams but I dunno how to feel about it just yet. I mean, I did mess up last time too…. I’m lucky that Allah still got me !st positions for both my categories. I’m not waiting for a miracle this time. I’m sure I will work hard when the time comes, in sha Allah.
That been said, I must leave now.

See you soon.
P.S:I know it would be soon(if life permits) because I’m most talkative in my exam season anxiety season ๐Ÿ˜‰

Diary Entry:131


Dear diary,
I come here after a whole month and I still don’t know what to say. Seems like I have grown to be more pathetic and lazy over the past month. SIST 2015 seems to be just around the corner. I just got an official invitation which seems to scream at me “Start working girl if you wanna win this thing!!!” But I don’t know how to do anything about it. I’ve been trying to prepare for my 30th para mandatory test, that I can give in next semester too but I wanna get it over with. Between classes, assignments, quizzes, presentations and my almost nonexistent social life, I don’t know how to balance everything. So I’m doing what I do the best- putting everything on ignore-until-its-life-or-death-situation mode. And it seems to work for me just fine.
I don’t know whats wrong with me! Most of the time I’m fine,even happy but when I start writing,things come out way sadder than I would like them to be. I must have some germs of emotional masochism in me I guess. On second thought, I don’t. I’m just naturally weird ๐Ÿ™‚
And when I see myself in the mirror, I don’t think that being weird is something I must be ashamed of. In fact, it feels so good to be a little different, a little unusual. And I enjoy it ๐Ÿ˜€
Ugh-I must go and pack my bags-have a long,tiring journey ahead of me.
Later peeps!