Diary Entry:The Forgotten

Dear diary,

Working in my current job, going home late and then not having enough time for family or for myself before the day is over, has made me feel as if I have forgotten how to have fun or even relax.

I have handed in my resignation in the form if a demi official letter, highlighting all the challenges that I face every day on my job but my heart is now so abhorrent to the idea of serving here even for a single more day. Even the thought of having to come here for a few more days is repugnant. I was hoping for an answer for my letter but if it comes, it might not arrive in time.

I’m fully ready to leave. I’m ready to get back home and have plenty of time to sit with my family and to have me time to relax. I miss it so much!

If I sound upset, that’s because I’m a debbie downer right now.

Gotta go. Duty calls!

Dear Diary: Definitely not to be…

Dear diary,

My current job experience might just prove to be the shortest ever experience of me working in a very big institute. I am that much fed up of the experience already, and it’s just my second month on the job.

I have never shied away from responsibility, never backed down from a challenge but even a stubborn person like me knows which battles are worth my time amd which battles aren’t. For almost two months, I have been trying to think nice things about this job, the people, the management and the environment, and you know how positive I can be even without trying. But I have tried and tried and tried. I don’t see one thing that excites me when I think about this job. The salary is just fine, nothing special. The actual job of being emotional health counselor is actually an interesting one but this institution has taken away all the fun element out if it.

They require me to do the things that aren’t a part of my job. I have been in internal conflict ever since I joined this institute. Now I spend my days thinking on the best way to put in my resignation. I have lost all the motivation to keep working there. I don’t even want to try to re-motivate myself to do it.

Ever since I have become NLP Master Practitioner, I have learned a lot of good stuff. But the most important of lessons that I have learnt is that the duration of my stay doesn’t matter, the quality of the work does. If the work I am doing, is not satisfying my own self and is putting me in conflict, I’d rather choose to part ways there and then.

All my efforts and initiatives have been thrown down the drain so far because the management doesn’t have a clue with regards to the work a Psychologist should do. I have tried to manage, no matter how dismal everything is. But I’ve finally had enough!

I have decided to report the superior of my superior, break the chain of command in confidentiality and let him know my concerns about the job and why I want to leave the said job. I want my narrative to be out there, reaching the concerned persons, so that even if it doesn’t help me personally, it paves the way for the next unfortunate person they will hire on my place once I leave.

I mean, yes, I’m sick and tired if the place but that doesn’t mean I would quit without being heard. Yup! I’m that much pissed today!

Anyway, talking about it has given me a fresh headache.

I better go and have some rest before my session with my regular client.

Iyı geceler!

Diary Entry: Month 2

Dear diary,

My first month on the job has passed. Initially, I thought, I would not be able to survive here. It’s not my kind of place. I have a feeling that I will have to get rid of my morals and change my nature to survive this place but that’s not something I’m willing to do. Initially, it was a struggle to do things here as there was a lack of guidance and incompetence of the management. But now I feel like things are getting settled on their places.

I have observed this one thing-the old employees don’t readily welcome and help assimilate the new employees but that’s okay. I’m not supposed to blend in anyway. My job post is one of a kind here and most people are getting used to having me around. Some have opened up to me as well and some others give a passing smile here and there. But that’s the extent of our interaction so far.

I have found some really nice people here and I hope once I leave this place, I get to keep them in my life. I’m not planning to leave just yet.

There are some perks to being in this place. Like getting to know a big number of new people, getting a good salary package and on the first day of every month, having flexible timetable. I design my own timetable and activities. I love it when I get to help someone. Most of the staff members here have kids of their own and they come to me to seek advice regarding them.

There are a lot of downsides to being here but you know me, I look for solutions and find them, where no solutions are apparent. That’s why, I have decided to stick around fir a little while. The job here is just a way for me to save up for further education a lot faster than I would have done by just having sessions with clients. Plus, building name and credibility matters a lot in my field. And this place will help me with that.

Boy, am I sleepy today!!!

Trying to stifle yawns here and there. Yesterday was my cousin’s walima day so I stayed busy this weekend as well. I got to sleep late as well, for no particular reason, hence, the repercussions. And I’m starting to feel hungry as well.

I should probably go now before I fall asleep while writing this.

P. S: Finally some small signs of winter❤