Diary entry 65

Dear diary,
My uni has been repainted,there are some new benches to sit and take in the natural beauty. Fresh flowers and beauteous sky with clouds masking the sun. Its exquisite, off course for those who love nature. I’ve tried to  snap some pictures but those pictures never come right. So,I guess I’ll just have to memorize the mesmerizing sunsets and the Mountains of Murree that I see everyday from my room window.
My university is beautiful,there’s no doubt about that, and I’m totally in love with it! But there is something that makes my heart ache. As I was walking from Cafeteria towards my hostel block, I saw litter all over the place marring the beauty of the place. And I remembered the time when I was a school-going. There was a teacher in my van,who once (kinda)scolded a child for throwing pieces of paper on the road from moving van. I won’t say that I haven’t done that as a child myself. But the point is, that day when she said that how bad of us that we make our own city and country dirty. Who would clean our city if we don’t take that responsibility?
That was the turning point for me. And then there came a time when I was the senior most student in my van.When I was in college, I was the one carrying on that one good thing I learned in the past. All the children used to make tease me by saying “Baji’s bag is a dust bin”,because I used to put all the wrappers and junk in my bag to throw in a trash bin later. And I didn’t let anyone else throw the litter on roads and streets. I would take it and put in my bag. Yes I occasionally had to listen to their funny remarks, but I didn’t care in the least. Because if that’s what I had to listen to,in order to do the right thing,exactly that I heard and with patience too.
It breaks my heart to see such grown ups, carelessly throwing litter wherever they go and sit. If you ask me, it’s not the duty of sweepers alone to take care of our mess. How are we ever going to get responsible if we don’t take care of our own actions?
I’m still unable to get the scene out of my head. I better go before it gets way over my head.

Hope to see you soon

Diary entry 64

Dear diary,

I’ve been fighting with some guys from my university(via Facebook),for past two days. I don’t get it, if you don’t have the patience and courage to listen,why say things that would make others mad? I mean,you make someone mad,be sure they would do a counter attack. Is this so difficult to understand? And believe me, guys burn up very fast(at least the ones in my uni do). It’s as if they ain’t human beings but gasoline waiting for a spark to ignite ’em. Fortunately,or unfortunately for them, I happened to be that spark 😉
And you know me, I never give up when I’m right.
Anyway, it was fun. Many came and went.
And then there is this one more thing. They have such a twisted sense of reasoning. tell them one valid point, and they would take the discussion from tying your shoe laces towards climbing Mount Everest.
That’s all you can come up with?!
In such situations, I enjoy winning the arguments but I enjoy pissing them off more than any thing 😉

537225_495993270449992_393584958_nNo more comments for tonight :p

P.S:Guys this isn’t a general post. My subjects are strictly some of my university mates(and some others too :p )


Diary entry 63

Dear diary,

Have you ever regretted anything you ever said or did?(I know you can’t you are a diary!) well, I do. When people asked me yesterday how was I feeling, I told them “great” or “much better.” I wish they could’ve asked me last night. Or even now. The pain returned with more force and is still making me uncomfortable. And this time my whole body hurts bad!

(But still I’m not gonna miss my classes, not today.)
I’m tired of sitting or lying in my room, waiting for a miracle to happen in my life. Tired of myself!
Life is losing its colours. Everything is losing its attraction.
Am I going insane?

I feel like crying, at odd times and smile when all I feel inside is void. This emptiness nagging at me. I want this to be over. I want this to end soon. Its already taken hold of my heart.
Yeah, I know I call myself a warrior and I’m not giving up on myself, not now, not ever. I know I would find a way to end this all.
Thankfully the topic in my Mass Communication class today was similar to the problems I’m having.

According to my teacher, frustration isn’t a permanent condition. She says the brisk walking and/or reading makes frustration go away. I gotta try this. I’m definitely gonna try it!
One more thing she wanted us to do is erase

  • If
  • Then
  • No
  • This thing is hard

If you come to think of it, life becomes a lot more easier if you take these four things out of it.

I’m happy now, that my teacher thinks that people who are fighters and warriors inside are best people. Besides, pain helps one to be stronger.
So, no more negative thoughts or feelings(for now 😉 )

Gotta go


Diary entry 62

International Islamic University, Islamabad

International Islamic University, Islamabad (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear diary,

I came back on Tuesday. It was kinda fun but tiresome journey. There was this nice random stranger with her daughter sitting in the front with me who was a total chatter box. But this is one of the best things about the people of my city. It’s so easier to talk to them. They are so friendly that in a very short time it feels like you’ve known them forever. That lady was somewhere near my own age I guess, married for 3 years and had a one year old in her arms.
We had to wait on Gas station for practically 2 hours but I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all.

When I finally left the stop and started to walk to my university, I was praying in my heart for some help because my Hip joint started hurting again. That’s when I heard a male voice behind me.

“Excuse me sister, are you going to International Islamic University?” he asked.
“Yeah” I replied.

“Can I help you with your luggage?”

Inside I was so happy on my prayers being answered. But I have to admit I wasn’t hoping for a male to come to my aid.

Anyway, I gave him one bag. He asked for more. So I handed him another. We started walking in silence, me beside him but keeping my distance.

After some distance he broke the silence.”Are you coming from your home?”


“Where from?”



“Which department are you from?”


Silence again……

Then we entered the university gate. It was me this time who broke the silence.”Which department are you from?”

Shariah and Law, it’s my last semester.”

“Which semester are you in?”

“My fourth semester just started.” I replied.

By this time we were near Female Campus gate. So I said

Jazakallah Khairan (May Allah give you a better reward. For his help, off course.)”

And we parted ways. That’s all I know about the person(I haven’t been able to thank him properly). But there is a special corner of respect for him in my heart. My mum on the other hand didn’t agree with me (I don’t care at this point. Though, I dunno why it made me a little angry. Maybe because she didn’t trust my judgment. Dunno) but she was so eager to know what he looked like (for God’s sake Mama!!!)

Anyway, this is something along with some other happenings in the past that make me hopeful. I mean, it’s good to know that people still have some good left in them. And I’m more than willing to see that ray of good in them and ignore the faults.

I’m alone in the room once again. One roommate is gone home and other one just left for some sight seeing or whatever she does when she stays out all night.

Time to eat something and to take my medicines.


Diary entry 61

Dear diary,

I’m going home Yayyy!!! After a month and a half Yayyy!!! It’s so frustrating and lonely here in the hostel most of the time. But I’m going for a complete check up this time. My hip-joint still refuses to stop hurting and I’m so sick n tired of this pain. I’m becoming “lazier” day by day(as if that was even possible!)I didn’t want to leave my coffin today to take my classes :-/
My teacher changed my Mass Communication project. I’m not so thrilled about its changing but it’s still undecided what we are going to do (me and my partner) but the excitement has kinda evaporated.
But then again, its “me” we’re talking about here. I’m sure I can find a reason to be happy in anything if I put my mind and heart to it. I just have to persuade my heart and mind to love what I have to do. Then it would come to me naturally. Lets see what happens next. I’m hopeful. I just refuse to let simple changes in life to ruin my mood.
Challenge Accepted!!!

Anyway, I gotta go now.
See ya very soon(If WAPDA permits )

Diary entry 60


Dear diary,


On the bus heading back to the University. The seminar was fun. The president spoke in Arabic and there was a translator present too. Even without Urdu translation I was able to understand a major portion of what he was trying to say. The topic was Qur’anic concept of Psychology. Loved the time spent there even though I was sleepy as hell.


I just wish people there were a bit more quiet and respectful for the person who was trying to talk to them. Yeah, that annoyed me a lot,the buzzing sound in the back ground first and then the voices grew louder as the time passed.


Right now we are speeding back towards University from where I’ll be going directly to Al Huda (In Sha Allah)


God! My brain feels like its been fried!!!


Gotta post this right now or I wont be able to post it until I reach Al-Huda.


Uni is near.


See ya again!




Diary entry 59

Dear diary,

I just had a major fall-put with my roommate and I rushed out to university. I’m in the class writing this now. I snapped, yeah. I’m not proud of myself for doing that. In fact, I feel bad because I might’ve hurt her. But seriously,ENOUGH’S ENOUGH!!!

Anyway, we have a seminar at Faisal Masjid auditorium today. Our university President from Saudi Arabia would be talking to us. And by US I mean Psychology department. Attendance is compulsory. But even if it wasn’t compulsory,I would go. Because He’d be talking in Arabic. I wanna be there when it happens. That’s what made my mood change from crappy to hopeful and delightful 🙂

The third person role that my roommates gave me, is back. Last night I once again tried to make peace between them before an actual fight happened. This is sick. If I’m not there to avoid the clash,there’s a possibility they would tear each other apart!

I better go.People are getting ready to go.

See ya!



Deception at its best

I wasn’t about to say anything about the topic until I saw this picture

indexAll that glitters is not Gold, I’ve been taught since I was a little lass. But people like me understand things better when they experience them. Not a healthy and wise move at times. It’s a dangerous territory and there are times of great achievements as well as the times when you just simply wanna kill someone. But there’s one thing I can’t deny: No matter how difficult that journey of self discovery is,no matter how painful it is sometimes,knowing the true faces of people around you(whom you come to love and care about); life is always teaching you.  At such occasions our heart might be torn,destroyed. Cursing the person, dying or killing someone might feel easier than enduring in silence but if we look at the bigger picture, difficulty is always followed by ease.

There’s this person,I can’t get out of my mind. With two completely different persona . . . . . . . .I’ve had firsthand experience of both.

Change of mind. I don’t wanna discuss this. Because it involves another person. And I’ve been re-reading stuff on backbiting.I can’t do it, I can’t bring myself to do it! Even though it concerns me, but I just can’t!!!

So before I go,just one thing:Be careful whom you talk to or make acquaintances with.Because appearances could be deceiving. Its better to be cautious than regret.



Diary entry 58

Dear diary,

Its official; I’m 22 🙂 and I just got a hate filled birthday wish from someone whom I pissed off bad some days back. I’m so happy because I saw this picture circulating on Facebook:


So, I guess I’m doing very well in life 😉

For  that person, I have just two words “Sour Loser!”

You see such people come in our lives to teach us so much. These people remind me why I am a fighter in the first place.
Anyway,no more thoughts to them,they don’t deserve to be even in my thoughts.

*Feeling great*

And it’s late.So,

See ya soon 🙂



Diary entry 57

Dear diary,

Today was much better than yesterday even though I didn’t get any sleep during the night. I scolded the lazy ME and made myself to get out of bed by force (if you know what I mean). Had 3 consecutive classes and then went to offer Jummu’ah Salah at Al-Huda. Then ate lunch with some of my ex-fellows and friends and went to put myself to work. But both me and my supervisor, when we start talking, time flies (I never got to even starting the work I was supposed to do :p )

I’m surprised that I’m still not as tired as I anticipated.

Anyway, we got our major projects assigned in Mass Communication class today. And guess what! I’m gonna be a news anchor (ahem,ahem…..)

I think it would be fun to actually try something new this time. I mean,there was a time when I used to be good at singing. But not I suck at it because its been so long since I actually practiced.

Gotta go.