It’s been ages since I last wrote. I’ve lost so much of me. I’m not different but apparently I am different now. Life just seems to be dragging on but I’m also not ready for the death art yet because I have been too far away from the right path lately. I can’t seem to get motivated to do the right thing anymore, even amidst a pandemic outbreak. I know I need to come back to the right track but don’t know how to, anymore.
I’ve got a new job and I still don’t feel satisfied. There are just too many things and ideologies that my employers have that I don’t agree with, which keeps me frustrated from time to time. But I’m just biding my time because it’s better than the alternative of sitting idle at home and going absolutely bonkers.
SIST 2020 was both fun and a bit of a disappointment. They have astrayed far from its original purpose so it wasn’t as re-enervating and spiritually connecting as it used to be. That was a huge disappointment. They took away the age limit this year so that was one positive point. It used to give me a big dose of spirituality and motivation for life, so I’m still craving for it this year because this year, SIST failed me in that department. Perhaps that the reason, combined with several others, that I feel such lack of energy and enthusiasm for life. If I wasn’t afraid of ending up in hell, I might’ve welcomed death. (I said might’ve! I’m still pretty sure I don’t wanna die yet.)
I do realise this post is more towards the negative side than the positove one but I just needed to get things off my chest. I guess we all have some rougher than usual patches in life that we need to endure and make sense of. I’m not any different. But since I have said all that was troubling my mind, I’m sure now that it was the right thing to do and a step towards positivity. I’m sure I would soon be getting better, in sha Allah. I just hope that this is just not a wishful thinking.
Anyway, I’m off to Islamabad and typing in a moving bus is making me nauseous. So, until next time…..