Never the same,my friend!

Friendship is born when one person says to another,”What! You too?I thought I was the only one . . . .!”
-C.S Lewis

Life with you was so sweet and so perfect that I didn’t have to worry about all the bad stuff.Because I had you beside me-and it felt more than enough!It felt as if I can face the world-I can stand boldly.

You don’t say a word anymore and it feels like something precious is lost.It feels like life is slipping through my fingers and I can’t do anything to stop it.I feel so alone at times that I hate myself.

Why wouldn’t you talk?

Why this cold shoulder?

I ask myself everyday,did I do something wrong?Am I the reason that you are so silent?

You know what!it seems like I’m entering a black hole.Like everything is stretching-the time,my misery-like there would be no turning back until you came and held me together.Until you stopped me from shattering.

Well,believe me I rebuke myself all the time.Why do I even bother to let people within the range of breaking my heart in the first place?And why do i even bother to mention things that you don’t even seem to care about any more?

Did I tell you that your presence used to inspire me to do things I would never have tried otherwise?You are a real force of nature-the very hope itself.

But no matter what I think,life does move on,crushing our little dreams and taking away the things we hold most precious to us.Yeah,life is hard and ruthless.But where it takes away so much from us,I gives something new too.Sometimes we are too busy to see it and sometimes too broken to care.But life does give us a chance.Some of us grab it and some just sit and mourn over the loss.

I try so much to move on-make new friends and be happy again.And I did actually find a really good friend too-but now I realize-it could be never same without you!

Psychologists:a secret unveiled.

If you are a psychologist or are training to one,at some point you would get to listen comments like:Psychologists become psycho themselves.Yesterday,we discussed the reason of this notion in class with our educational psychology teacher.She said-the best way to avoid people judging you like this is-NEVER use psychology on your near and dear ones.Because they are the ones who later become the source of such opinions.

While studying about methods of data collection she told:While taking an interview from the patient,you have to keep your face expressionless because even a slight change of your facial expression can make your subject reluctant to share any more or it can make them conceal important details.

So,now I understand why all the teachers in my department have such serious and blunt look about their faces 😉

Oops!the topic said “A” secret!And here I was about to write a third thing.

Of course there would be more but later 🙂

You never know how things would turn

Today proved to be a longer day than I actually anticipated.Had a class at 08:30 and the teacher didn’t show so I spent my time doing the assignment that was due today and I was neglecting it from past whole week.I still had some time left until the next class so I started playing a game on my cell.Thats how pass my time mostly-playing games,reading e-books or the actual paper and cover kind of books or thinking about stupid ideas . . . . of course the list goes on.Teacher came at 10:00 and my 2nd class(according to timetable)started.After one and a half hour of introduction of law class,my stomach was growling.the teacher was taking attendance and I was trying to decide what would I eat when I finally go free when our CR entered the class and announced:

“It’s a message from head of department that at 11:30,you all have to assemble and head to the auditorium for a seminar.Its compulsory and your attendance would be marked.”

Aww,c’mon!I haven’t eaten anything in-lets say AGES!

(Yeah,I went with an empty stomach today-so my protest was my right)

Anyway,I want to the auditorium and found myself a place.When the seminar started,the organizer came and you know what was her sentence was-thank you for accepting our invitation-REALLY!!!

No,I wasn’t furious of course.I love to attend seminars,though not on an empty stomach.

The topic of discussion was Pakistan today:challenges and responsibilities-hmmm,political aura-not something I have a liking for-but I kept sitting there anyway.Then I saw my university’s vice president and I knew that no matter how the other speakers do-this man’s going to make it a good experience and a memorable one.And I was right.The man certainly knows how to speak and win hearts!

While recounting from 70’s he said he met someone while visiting abroad.He  had two opinions about Pakistan’s future.The pessimistic one was that Pakistan would be worse and his optimism said that it would remain as bad as it was then.

Then he talked about the whole non-Muslim world talking that the biggest hindrance in Pakistan’s  development is Islam.He raised the question-Is our government really Islamic?Was it ever really Islamic?He took names of all the past rulers and the  facts were put open before our eyes-Wow,I never thought like that before.

The other thing the foreign media worries about is that Pakistanis don’t have their identities(I’m still confused about what type of identities).Who cares?A jobless old man would have the least care about his identity and for him the pressing issue would be how to get the food for the next time he’s hungry……..

The guest speaker gave an impressive talk too.His first action was objection of the topic itself.He said that instead of opportunities,we focus on seeing them as challenges.We need to change the way of our thinking.We have a lot of positives in us.Pakistan has the largest number of youth-and its a great blessing.Only if we learn how to direct their energies for a better cause . . . . .

We can’t say anything likewise about our rulers but the society of Pakistan has shown its strength from time to time.Look back to the time of earth quake of 2005 or the flood of 2010.We are that nation who has given space to our 1.7 million or more Afghan refugee brothers and we not only welcomed them but helped them mix in us so that we no longer feel like two different nations but one.We are flexible and a brave nation.The problem is our unending slumber.

We see what we want to see-this is one trick our mind plays with us.Which takes me back to the point from where I stated-A change of the way we perceive things!

Every person in the discussion panel gave excellent eye-opening points-in short they made it enjoyable,sometimes cracking jokes related to their point-I enjoyed the sitting fully.

At 02:00 I finally left auditorium and went to check if there was a slightest chance that my teacher was in class-SHE WAS!!!


Humph,Just my luck!

So I had to take in half hour of something alien because I just there and heard her voice staring blankly at her face.I still have no idea what she taught.While trying to write what she said,words kept on skipping my mind.Yeah I’m still trying to figure out what actually happened to me then.

Finally at 02:30 I came back to my room and now here I am,just finishing up an account of my day.


Diary entry 13

Dear diary,

I’ve been trying to decide if I should write a full fledge entry today or not.Actually I wished to write but I’m down with temperature again and its being so brutal that I can’t even rest properly.There is so much to tell you but I can’t even write the assignment that’s due today.Yeah,my life’s been messy since I came back.The only thing my heart desires right now is the lap of my mother and her care until I get healthy-but I know that’s the one thing I can’t have today or tomorrow and who knows when I’d be able to go and see her again!

Hate you Flu,hate you Fever!!!

Love you mum and miss you!

Can’t write anymore . . . . . .

say the words

Just say the words and lit the fire.

You want me gone-you horrible liar!

You think I can’t see,

your wariness from me?

I’m not the one that you desire.

Just say the words and lit the fire.

You think you know me

but the things have changed.

I’m not a fool,I’m not deranged.

I can hold myself together

and my need isn’t dire.

Just say the words and lit the fire!

I wont stay,I won’t tag along

long before you knew it,I’d be gone.

so stop pretending,end this suffering sire.

Just say the words and lit the fire!

the big F

I’m not new here but I’m still getting the hang of it.Its been a year or more since I first started this blog but due to my own negligence and sometimes due to lack of time initially I rarely wrote here.Which means I  rarely got any stats to brag about or any hits on the blog.But back then I didn’t even think that there would be anything like following or stats or followers.What was on my mind when I created this blog-well I had a lot of raw passion that easily shaped itself into words and often when I’d read those words later,they would touch my own heart.This lead me into believing-I can write.Yeah,I’m not perfect but neither was I looking for perfection then nor am I now.I just needed to get everything out because when I had something to say,it was difficult to keep it to myself .Since I couldn’t shut up,I needed a better way to get my opinion before others.Thats what I do.I feel and I write.But I do so now more to placate my inner rage;to keep me sane.

Only in some recent months when I started regularly posting,I came to know about the stats,screen hits,notifications and other great things that wordpress provides its writers with(though I’d totally like to design a theme for my blog according to my own mood-only if I knew how…….*sigh*).

Only recently people started to visit,like and on some rare occasions post a comment or push the follow button.The first time I noticed an “F” letter on my notification bar,my heat skipped a beat.

OH GOD!my first failure!

Yeah that’s exactly what I thought without even checking what my notifications.You totally had me there wordpress folks 😀 but I was ecstatic when I found out that it wasn’t some sign of failure,it was simply a notification telling me that someone started following my blog.(By the way,did I thank you people for liking or following or commenting or even sparing enough time to come at least visit my blog?Spare my manners please-I’m not proud of them either.)

Thank you all =D

I really appreciate your coming here.Gives me hope-rekindles the extinguishing fire in me and compels me to keep on writing.

The “F” letter still has the heart numbing effect sometimes and the star makes me curious,who visited and liked my post and what are their blogs about.

And guess what makes me most happy in the stats-THE COUNTRY STATS-love the little lit areas on the globe in different colours!!!