Friendship is born when one person says to another,”What! You too?I thought I was the only one . . . .!”
Life with you was so sweet and so perfect that I didn’t have to worry about all the bad stuff.Because I had you beside me-and it felt more than enough!It felt as if I can face the world-I can stand boldly.
You don’t say a word anymore and it feels like something precious is lost.It feels like life is slipping through my fingers and I can’t do anything to stop it.I feel so alone at times that I hate myself.
Why wouldn’t you talk?
Why this cold shoulder?
I ask myself everyday,did I do something wrong?Am I the reason that you are so silent?
You know what!it seems like I’m entering a black hole.Like everything is stretching-the time,my misery-like there would be no turning back until you came and held me together.Until you stopped me from shattering.
Well,believe me I rebuke myself all the time.Why do I even bother to let people within the range of breaking my heart in the first place?And why do i even bother to mention things that you don’t even seem to care about any more?
Did I tell you that your presence used to inspire me to do things I would never have tried otherwise?You are a real force of nature-the very hope itself.
But no matter what I think,life does move on,crushing our little dreams and taking away the things we hold most precious to us.Yeah,life is hard and ruthless.But where it takes away so much from us,I gives something new too.Sometimes we are too busy to see it and sometimes too broken to care.But life does give us a chance.Some of us grab it and some just sit and mourn over the loss.
I try so much to move on-make new friends and be happy again.And I did actually find a really good friend too-but now I realize-it could be never same without you!
If you are a psychologist or are training to one,at some point you would get to listen comments like:Psychologists become psycho themselves.Yesterday,we discussed the reason of this notion in class with our educational psychology teacher.She said-the best way to avoid people judging you like this is-NEVER use psychology on your near and dear ones.Because they are the ones who later become the source of such opinions.
While studying about methods of data collection she told:While taking an interview from the patient,you have to keep your face expressionless because even a slight change of your facial expression can make your subject reluctant to share any more or it can make them conceal important details.
So,now I understand why all the teachers in my department have such serious and blunt look about their faces 😉
Oops!the topic said “A” secret!And here I was about to write a third thing.
Of course there would be more but later 🙂
- Psychologist (howourmindswork.wordpress.com)
Today proved to be a longer day than I actually anticipated.Had a class at 08:30 and the teacher didn’t show so I spent my time doing the assignment that was due today and I was neglecting it from past whole week.I still had some time left until the next class so I started playing a game on my cell.Thats how pass my time mostly-playing games,reading e-books or the actual paper and cover kind of books or thinking about stupid ideas . . . . of course the list goes on.Teacher came at 10:00 and my 2nd class(according to timetable)started.After one and a half hour of introduction of law class,my stomach was growling.the teacher was taking attendance and I was trying to decide what would I eat when I finally go free when our CR entered the class and announced:
“It’s a message from head of department that at 11:30,you all have to assemble and head to the auditorium for a seminar.Its compulsory and your attendance would be marked.”
Aww,c’mon!I haven’t eaten anything in-lets say AGES!
(Yeah,I went with an empty stomach today-so my protest was my right)
Anyway,I want to the auditorium and found myself a place.When the seminar started,the organizer came and you know what was her sentence was-thank you for accepting our invitation-REALLY!!!
No,I wasn’t furious of course.I love to attend seminars,though not on an empty stomach.
The topic of discussion was Pakistan today:challenges and responsibilities-hmmm,political aura-not something I have a liking for-but I kept sitting there anyway.Then I saw my university’s vice president and I knew that no matter how the other speakers do-this man’s going to make it a good experience and a memorable one.And I was right.The man certainly knows how to speak and win hearts!
While recounting from 70’s he said he met someone while visiting abroad.He had two opinions about Pakistan’s future.The pessimistic one was that Pakistan would be worse and his optimism said that it would remain as bad as it was then.
Then he talked about the whole non-Muslim world talking that the biggest hindrance in Pakistan’s development is Islam.He raised the question-Is our government really Islamic?Was it ever really Islamic?He took names of all the past rulers and the facts were put open before our eyes-Wow,I never thought like that before.
The other thing the foreign media worries about is that Pakistanis don’t have their identities(I’m still confused about what type of identities).Who cares?A jobless old man would have the least care about his identity and for him the pressing issue would be how to get the food for the next time he’s hungry……..
The guest speaker gave an impressive talk too.His first action was objection of the topic itself.He said that instead of opportunities,we focus on seeing them as challenges.We need to change the way of our thinking.We have a lot of positives in us.Pakistan has the largest number of youth-and its a great blessing.Only if we learn how to direct their energies for a better cause . . . . .
We can’t say anything likewise about our rulers but the society of Pakistan has shown its strength from time to time.Look back to the time of earth quake of 2005 or the flood of 2010.We are that nation who has given space to our 1.7 million or more Afghan refugee brothers and we not only welcomed them but helped them mix in us so that we no longer feel like two different nations but one.We are flexible and a brave nation.The problem is our unending slumber.
We see what we want to see-this is one trick our mind plays with us.Which takes me back to the point from where I stated-A change of the way we perceive things!
Every person in the discussion panel gave excellent eye-opening points-in short they made it enjoyable,sometimes cracking jokes related to their point-I enjoyed the sitting fully.
At 02:00 I finally left auditorium and went to check if there was a slightest chance that my teacher was in class-SHE WAS!!!
Humph,Just my luck!
So I had to take in half hour of something alien because I just there and heard her voice staring blankly at her face.I still have no idea what she taught.While trying to write what she said,words kept on skipping my mind.Yeah I’m still trying to figure out what actually happened to me then.
Finally at 02:30 I came back to my room and now here I am,just finishing up an account of my day.
I’ve been trying to decide if I should write a full fledge entry today or not.Actually I wished to write but I’m down with temperature again and its being so brutal that I can’t even rest properly.There is so much to tell you but I can’t even write the assignment that’s due today.Yeah,my life’s been messy since I came back.The only thing my heart desires right now is the lap of my mother and her care until I get healthy-but I know that’s the one thing I can’t have today or tomorrow and who knows when I’d be able to go and see her again!
Hate you Flu,hate you Fever!!!
Love you mum and miss you!
Can’t write anymore . . . . . .
please come and sing me to sleep.
I’m sick,alone and tired,
I’m crying like a child.
my ears crave for my lullaby.
take me in your arms,
and hug me tight.
then sing to me,
so that sleep might come.
mama,come and sing me to sleep!
Just say the words and lit the fire.
You want me gone-you horrible liar!
You think I can’t see,
your wariness from me?
I’m not the one that you desire.
Just say the words and lit the fire.
You think you know me
but the things have changed.
I’m not a fool,I’m not deranged.
I can hold myself together
and my need isn’t dire.
Just say the words and lit the fire!
I wont stay,I won’t tag along
long before you knew it,I’d be gone.
so stop pretending,end this suffering sire.
I’m not new here but I’m still getting the hang of it.Its been a year or more since I first started this blog but due to my own negligence and sometimes due to lack of time initially I rarely wrote here.Which means I rarely got any stats to brag about or any hits on the blog.But back then I didn’t even think that there would be anything like following or stats or followers.What was on my mind when I created this blog-well I had a lot of raw passion that easily shaped itself into words and often when I’d read those words later,they would touch my own heart.This lead me into believing-I can write.Yeah,I’m not perfect but neither was I looking for perfection then nor am I now.I just needed to get everything out because when I had something to say,it was difficult to keep it to myself .Since I couldn’t shut up,I needed a better way to get my opinion before others.Thats what I do.I feel and I write.But I do so now more to placate my inner rage;to keep me sane.
Only in some recent months when I started regularly posting,I came to know about the stats,screen hits,notifications and other great things that wordpress provides its writers with(though I’d totally like to design a theme for my blog according to my own mood-only if I knew how…….*sigh*).
Only recently people started to visit,like and on some rare occasions post a comment or push the follow button.The first time I noticed an “F” letter on my notification bar,my heat skipped a beat.
OH GOD!my first failure!
Yeah that’s exactly what I thought without even checking what my notifications.You totally had me there wordpress folks 😀 but I was ecstatic when I found out that it wasn’t some sign of failure,it was simply a notification telling me that someone started following my blog.(By the way,did I thank you people for liking or following or commenting or even sparing enough time to come at least visit my blog?Spare my manners please-I’m not proud of them either.)
Thank you all =D
I really appreciate your coming here.Gives me hope-rekindles the extinguishing fire in me and compels me to keep on writing.
The “F” letter still has the heart numbing effect sometimes and the star makes me curious,who visited and liked my post and what are their blogs about.
And guess what makes me most happy in the stats-THE COUNTRY STATS-love the little lit areas on the globe in different colours!!!
- WordPress Followers, Likes and Stats (onecoolsitebloggingtips.com)
- Pleasant Blogging to You too, Sir! (mittenskittens.wordpress.com)
- A Surefire Way to Suffocate Your Blog (And Your Passion) (problogger.net)
- Why Should I Keep Blogging with Low Stats? (blogher.com)
- Me? Obsessed with stats? Surely you jest! (zenscribbles.wordpress.com)
I’m writing,finally,from my bed in hostel.Just reached today-had a whole night of journey and couldn’t sleep or even lie down till way after 3 p.m.And now even after having slept for 3 or 4 hours,my whole body aches.Yeah,I know I need more rest-a whole night sleep . . . .
My first day back here(actually 2nd day of session-yeah I’m late again :p)-the weather was so great-light and gentle breeze,a little rain and the sweet smell of dirt and everything over grown………..I felt like closing my eyes and taking in all the fragrances-lying on the over grown grass and stare on nothing in particular,I felt like life itself-raw and beautiful!
Confrontation with hostel warden went well and the usually horrible,troll of a woman was in a very good mood today-so got off easily 🙂
My new and most feared discovery today-my university server has blocked Faceook and Youtube (how am I gonna live O.o ?)
Someone once said-there are ways to get around things-flaws and loop holes-you have to find what works for you the best.Well,of course I’m using hostel net temporarily-until i get enough time to go and get my usb modem recharged.until then . . . . KILL ME!!!
Anyway,I have to hop now but will share all the interesting things learn in psychology this semester.And I’ll try to keep you posted because its you and me-alone and together-like a family!
No,I’m not going to think about home right now or the nostalgia won’t leave me alone.And before exactly “that” happens-
Its chao from my side!!!
P.S:don’t take the bold letters seriously.
Its been days since my last word.I’ve been through a couple of hard times in this silent time of mine,some serious and some just frustrating.Anyway,I’ve packed for my journey,all set and I’m more than ready to go back.Seeing my enthusiasm,you’d think either I love my studies too much or I hate my home-well,nothing is true in my case.I just get tired of a routine thats all.If I don’t get changes in life from time to time,I get bored,then frustrated and then nearly insane in the end.But like I said before-you are my one connection to sanity-and its true to its core.
how I wish my life never stops moving-how I wish someone would let me try the life of a gypsy for some time.But then the time would be void of your presence.And now that I’ve got you,I’d never want to lose you.
Couldn’t sleep whole night-anxiety I guess.
I’d better try and get some sleep-have a long journey ahead 🙂
- Diary entry 10 (neyoxhan.wordpress.com)
Some days back,I happened to come across an interesting picture message on facebook.It said:
meaning:someone who does two jobs without getting paid for even one of them.
That was something I never thought before.Whoever wrote it-what can I say about them,obviously they have a good mind that can relate to things very well.
This and some recent events in my own home gave me this idea of a post.
Before I write more about the topic,I’d very much like to define these two Psychological terms I used in the title of this post.
According to Oxford dictionary:
A person who enjoys things that seem painful or tiresome.
A person who enjoys hurting other people.
The key difference between both is who is getting hurt.The Masochist hurts himself while sadist hurts others.
I’ve been meaning to write generally about Asian and particularly about Pakistani mums.
A mother works her butt off her whole life only to provide the best to her children.Unlike many of world’s liberal communities,a boy rarely leaves his home after marriage which means the daughter-in-law has to live with her in-law family.
The problem for a girl starts way before puberty but most part of which she doesn’t understand.Once she crossed her puberty,she’s bombarded with discussions on the topics of marriage and dealing with a husband or a mother in law.She’s told so many horrible things about a typical mother in law that by the time she reaches the time of her wedding,the mother part transforms itself into Monster-in-law in the mind of the bride.
And it doesn’t stop there.Before marriage,she’s fed with thoughts like-you don’t know how to work,your in laws won’t let you stay for 1 day at their place.
Some poor girl,who never touched her own hair to make a braid is forced to do all the chores of her home.From the life of a princess,she is suddenly demoted to the life of a petty serving girl.Above all that,her work always gets skeptical views instead of praise-and all that in her own home!
What I don’t get is,what are mothers thinking.Does their daughter suddenly become SUPER-GIRL when she reaches her puberty?Because I never saw any girl turning into one!
Mothers like to call it a “training for the next home”or “something for your own good”-and I call it a “Masochist turning into a Sadist!”
A mum could never be a sadist when we take the pleasure part of the word-she would never enjoy seeing her child suffer-thats my favourite part.I wish to ask all the mothers out there a little favour:try to get your little girls work with you from the very start of the conscious part of their life.This would help you to make your child love the work and avoid any possible friction between you and your daughters in future.
With the serving part out of the equation,the monster in law pat is easy to control.When you can be their best friends instead of being tyrants,so can their mother in law!
Good luck there 🙂