Diary entry 80

Dear diary,

Life is good. It has been,for past some time.Went home,enjoyed a LOT.But then came the time for my return and things went from normal to a disaster.Curfew in Rawalpindi and some parts of Islamabad…….

Anyway,there is something I wrote back at home that I’d love to share it here.But I feel like the timing couldn’t be more crappy.So I’m thinking about putting it here or leaving it alone for some time.I dunno,can’t decide.

It’s still half written.And I don’t really know whats freakin’ happening to me.Why do I have difficulty in completing my thoughts these days?Yeah,that’s going to be a big thorn in my feet if I don’t do anything about it.So,I’m going to concentrate on getting myself back on track from now on.

Being able to write is a blessing at times and such a curse at other times.

Anyway,getting late for my salah.Gotta go.

P.S:Coming up soon,the piece I was talking about.Keep your fingers crossed 😉

Diary entry 79

Dear diary,
I’m halfway to my home.And boy was I happy to be free finally!Traveling with my Dad.Feeling more excited than usual.Don’t know whats the reason but I do know I’m happy.Looking forward to reaching home and sleeping to my fill in the nights.
I’ve been forgetting things too frequently these days.The reason I suppose,is that I’ve been watching “Once upon a time”in an excess.Lovely drama,I have to say.Old fairy tales with a twist and from the perspective of the evil Queen or wicked witch of the enchanted forest,call her whatever.It showed that there is always hope when there is a will to change.
Gawd!This Qawali that the driver is listening to,it’s so irritating :/
Journey is going great.Hope the friends I left back in Islamabad are missing me.Well,you are in my prayers too 🙂
Yeah,dear chat buddy,I didn’t forget to pray for you 😉
Anyway,before my dad gets irritated,I must go.

Give me respite

Why does my heart still skip a beat on hearing your voice?
Why does this spark of hope ignite again?
That maybe,there is a part of you that still remembers me.
Or worst even,a part that hates me,for I did hurt you bad.
I’m stuck in space,no way to outrun your memories
The pain wont let me sleep,the want wont let me live
I have no right to ask you to come to my aid
Knowing its hard to forgive and forget
So I suggest that you hurt me back and be even maybe
For the blame in your eyes kills me from inside
I can’t be near you nor go away
Hurt me bad for I deserve it.
Do whatever,just give me respite. . . .

P.S:I did try to complete it,but guess,some things are never meant to be complete.

Diary entry 78

Dear diary,
I consider myself very lucky in “friend department.”You tell me,wont you be happy if there were people who actually cared what happened in your life?Oh no,I’m not talking about parental kinda supervision or even worried siblings.Its my friends.They genuinely worry about me.No matter how much I try  to tell them,that there’s nothing to worry about.There aren’t many things that have the power to make me hurt.I know perfectly well how to keep my distance.Why do you people burn your calories?There is nothing to sweat about,really!

If there are a few things to upset me,then you are there,right?! Plus have I ever been stuck on something disturbing for more than a day or two?I recover,right?! I hold and shake myself.I put on a brave face and move on,all the while fighting with my personal demons.You know,your being there for me when I need you,is the biggest help one can provide.And since there is no permanent damage,so I’d say,all is well that ends well 🙂

Wow!Its like I’m shouting out to my friends more than talking to you today,dear diary.Its true!A friend just told me,its good to let go.That’s what I do.All the negative energy I ever encounter,I try to channel it into positive energy.Helping others is just a way to do it.And I slip sometimes,because I’m still learning how to do it right.I feel like myself,like the emptiness,the void is somehow filling itself.I heard,nobody is selfless,well I guess,its true.I do it for myself,for my own peace of mind and satisfaction.It feels so good,like the  happiness of the whole world has gathered in front of me at that particular moment.It feels like I was born to do just that.

Guess,the fight just never ends there.Its constant,coming back with more force than the last time.But the trick is to keep standing,no matter how much wounded you are.And believe me,nothing heals you more than the satisfaction of being useful in this world somehow.

You wanted to know why,well you know now.And as far as I’m concerned,there’s nothing out there that can permanently damage me,as long as I’m a warrior inside,wont you agree?Plus,hardships come in life to make one strong.You wont find me to be a coward,no matter what.I’ll always be there to strike back,for this is who I am.And I’m not afraid of what life might bring me next.If life comes hard,I’ll be harder.

Anyway,Its my friend’s birthday today.Wish we could meet up as I wanted to make it as special as that friend is 🙂
But here I am,doing what I do best. . . .

GAWwwD!I wrote so much tonight,what’s got into me?!

Oh,and before I go,I’m going to post that incomplete composition in it’s still incomplete form.For a friend once said,”Some things are best when incomplete”

Coming up next. . . . .


The torch

The burning inside and the calm facade
Plenty of words behind a moral gate
Fighting for others,its my strength
People try to fix me but there’s nothing to fix
Maybe I am,the way I am
For a reason greater than me
A reason bigger than the eye can see
For I am the hope,I am the fire
I chose the path that I desire
Try if you must but I’m not going down
For every test I pass lifts me even higher
And one day,you’ll see,I’ll leave my mark
Not on this world but in numerous hearts
For one smile that I give,every tear I wipe
Can you blame me,for choosing this life?

Diary entry 77

Dear diary,
The paper went outstanding for which I’m happy but also a little sad and worried about my friend.She came in late for exam,and it was kinda lengthy.She didn’t perform well.I’m worried about her.Its not like she isn’t intelligent.She has a brilliant mind.Much better than my rusty one.But she is being so careless.Shes wasting away her capabilities.
And it s time for some damage control.
I mean,I am lazy and care free,my other friends are too.But she takes laziness and carelessness to a whole new level.Sleeping in hostel when teachers are in class to take your mid-term exam……….Enough’s enough!
At least I’m not going to tolerate that.Not when I care about her.So its time for some action.
Anyway,I wanted to write more but I’m too sleepy to do it right now.There’s a new piece of composition that I was trying to write in the past.Its still incomplete and I will try to complete and post it today In Sha Allah.I just hope to complete it the way I wish it to be.
I have to go now,can’t force myself to stay awake anymore :-/



Diary entry 76

Dear diary,
I should be getting ready to go to my university but here I am!
Didn’t sleep the whole night.Had study night with my friend for our exam today.But as you might have guessed,we talked more than actual study 🙂 One of the best one-on-one time ever 😉
Oh,and I forgot to mention that my yesterday’s exam went great and I have high hopes for this one too,even though I am a little shaky.I mean,I never stay up on the night of exam.
I just hope I don’t fall asleep during exam 🙂
Well,I thought of writing a tiny post before I leave for exam.And here it is 🙂
I must be off now.

Wish me luck!



Diary entry 75

Dear diary,

Yup,2nd post today 🙂 See,I told you I’ve missed you so much!
Yes,I’ve tried living among people,interacting with them.Its good to be among people,don’t get me wrong.But now coming back to you and writing here,made me realize that I’m not really a people person.I enjoy your company more than I enjoy actual people.Actually,I don’t mind people.I mean talking to someone via writing is fun,gives me comfort and I don’t have to risk coming out of my comfort-zone or letting someone enter it.But interacting with actual people just increases the chances for heartburn by ten-folds.
Anyway,this isn’t why I’m writing.I feel just fine now.Still haven’t been able to concentrate on my studies though.So I’m kinda under-prepared for my exam in the morning.Haven’t been able to eat a meal properly in two nights,my stomach aches and I feel nauseated even when I go near food.Yeah,stress has done its job perfectly well.Its gone but the signs remain.And honestly,I don’t know,for how long I wont be able to eat properly even after being hungry for hours.(God save the Queen!)

Desperate times call for desperate measures,right?
*evil grin*Aha,I ate a chocolate muffin,without gagging,it’s a good sign I guess 😉

Well,this post is basically for my friends who have been with me on every step of my panic attack.I know,I can be a nutcase when I’m stressed(some of you might have the urge to say,you are a nutcase even when you are not stressed :p ). But thank you all for being there for me and not leaving me alone.In the end being physically available doesn’t really matter when you are emotionally available for your friend.I am really lucky to have you people by my side and in my heart 🙂 very blessed,indeed.
(I’m kinda conflicted,should I take names or leave you be?)
Anyway,thanks to my besties,my chat buddy and my spiritual sister 😉

Time to sleep if I wanna be up early for preparation

P.S:Occasional bugging is good for health of the bugger.Keep hidden,keep safe 😉

Diary entry 74

Dear diary,

It’s probably my first entry in 4 months.I’ve missed you,no doubt about that but I couldn’t get myself to write anything.The reason,I guess is that I might have changed a little bit over time,and not in a good way.I’ve become more introvert I guess.It kills me,but its there.I withdraw from people more often than not.And maybe I have a damn good reason for that.
Its been two nights,I’ve been crying without any control.So many things going on my mind that for a moment I felt that those things broke me.But I’m okay.On the road to recovery.Some things that are going on still sting.But what the hell,that’s life.I know it will pass,sooner or later so why waste my time.I will cry again if I feel like it but it wont be because I’m broken.It will be because sometimes you have to let go,let the tears flow.And letting go is the hardest thing but it doesn’t make one coward.It makes one stronger .
I want to say so many things without hurting anyone’s  feelings.But these days you never know who will be reading the stuff you write.I’m hurt,yes but its nothing that I can’t take care of.And hurting someone back isn’t what I do,it’s just not in me.
Anyway,I have mid-term exams,starting tomorrow morning and I still have to start from scratch.So I better roll.

P.S:It’s so nice to be back 🙂