Diary entry 119


Dear diary,
I know,its been too long since I last wrote. I wasn’t short of words of incidents to report, it was just lack of motivation. But from past one day, I have been driven crazy by my unruly thoughts. I’m not gonna say what nightmares I have had for past some days. Some things are better left alone, untouched. Some secrets are better buried deep in damp, cold and the darkest part of the soul.
The good thing is, I’m going to start a Tajweed class this week In Sha Allah. I’m pretty excited about it.
Yesterday was my second time to drive a car but first time, without any supervision. I enjoyed every bit of the experience. Hoping to get great at it very soon.
Argh, not writing for so long has its own negative effects. My mind is numb and all muddled up. I dunno what I’m writing and how. Nothing seems  right and nothing seems to matter at this very moment. I just want to lie down and sleep,without any more waiting.
Any hopes and chances of me writing anything good today are equal to zero, but I might pop up early in the morning to try again. For now, I better hit the bed and try to catch up on some lost hours of sleep.
Chao!

Diary entry 110


Dear diary,
its not cold outside but I’m feeling cold. Even the quilt I have on isn’t enough. Perhaps its because I feel cold inside, void of any warmth of love. I don’t feel love for anyone or anything in this very moment. I even hate myself without any apparent reason. But I’d be damned if I denied knowing the reason this time. I know whats wrong with me. I just don’t wanna share the reason with anyone,not even myself!
I’ve been thinking. Actually, I’ve been thinking a LOT lately. And its true that if you over think any matter, negative thoughts start to claw at your heart. I don’t want that to happen to me but seems like its already in motion. So, I’m writing this to let go of any and every negative feeling that I have encountered in past half hour or so. And surprisingly, I’m hungry. Do you think over-thinking can have that effect on people?
Well, I have to run now or my stomach would start growling.
See ya!