Diary Entry 130


Dear diary,
I don’t know how I managed to prepare for my today’s exam. I’m still amazed. Last night, I was feeling pissed and I hurt inside, today I know why. But I’ve had the most disturbing night ever! The little sleep I tried to get, was filled with nightmares and I kept waking up at odd intervals, with stomach ache, nausea and a dry mouth. I haven’t eaten much today, and I’m hungry again :/
Anyway,we had water problem in our hostels for some hours today. Rumors are,some main water pipeline got damaged somehow. Some girls were out, for a strike again. I saw them while coming back to university. I was too tired and out of sorts to go join them. And the problem just got solved anyway.
Tomorrow is my last exam In Sha Allah. Its Muslim Psychology exam. There was a time when I was so confident about Quranic verses and Ahadith. Not any more. I’ve been out of touch for so long that I’m forgetting what I learnt in the 1st place. No,I’m not proud of myself. And I plan to revise everything. I just don’t know when would that happen.
And I wonder why this constant headache at nights won’t let me be :/ Yup, I have it right now, and honestly, its annoying :/
Oh, and the steamy bit is that me and Chloe had fight with my roommate thrice today. Gawd, it was such an awkward and hilarious situation that I couldn’t help but laugh, which annoyed my roomie so much 😀
Anyway, I’m glad its over,for now. And I’m hoping against hope that she wont start again. Because if she does, I have half mind of unleashing the actual me. And lets be honest here, she won’t like the fighter side of me. Most people tend to avoid it, and its a good thing they do.
Oh, and one thing I don’t wanna forget to mention, we burnt the stuff that kept torturing Goldie with its presence in her life. It was fun. I’m glad that she is finally moving on(or at least that’s what she tells me). And I’m glad she burnt every little thing that kept making her suffer emotionally.
Good Riddance Chloe! I’m proud of you mate! And Clarkie, you can hate me all you want now 😀 Lemme assure you,this little super villain will enjoy every little moment of it!

Ilal Liqa’ 🙂

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Diary Entry: Hungry,Pissed and Hurting


Dear diary,
today, I have my Positive Psychology exam. And I don’t feel that much positive anymore. There are some things that hurt me, more than they should. And I keep wondering why. But then again, the things I care about and feel possessive about, if someone would mess with them, it would naturally hurt. I just couldn’t stop myself tonight. I know, like all the other previous times, I’m going to be as unclear as ever, but I’m hoping, writing would make me feel better.
The good thing is that I found some video and audio lectures on my topics. And I learn better by listening rather than reading. But beside this headache, something is really wrong with me today. I want to study but I don’t wanna touch any notes or lectures. And I most certainly don’t wanna explain why I’m suddenly feeling off.
Arghhh!!!
Positive Psychology was supposed to bring out the best in us. To help us in flourishing our strengths and getting over our weaknesses. And right now, its having to complete opposite effect on me. Maybe I will feel better after I have eaten something.So, I’m gonna go and eat and maybe watch something I love- an episode from a series or maybe a movie, I dunno.
I am so much disappointed at myself right now! :/

P.S:Yelling inside my head again :/ God save the Queen!!!

Diary Entry 129


Dear diary,
I finished “Once Upon A Time In Wonderland” today. And I couldn’t help but feel happy and a little too much wishful inside. Its not the happy ending I’m worried about, its the ‘waiting’ part that gives me creeps. Okay,okay, I couldn’t keep my heart from swooning because Cyrus’ smile kinda lit up the whole room inside my heart. Reminds me of my childhood crush on on a Pakistani journalist. Peter Gadiot’s face resembles Ahmed Quraishi’s so much that I can’t seem to think about them separately any more. And that’s not even the whole thing. There is this one more person, whom I met, not so long ago, who has a face resembling those two. Boy,that drives me crazy! I had heard that I’n this world, 7 people get the same or similar face. I encountered 3 and I dunno if I can manage to see another one(Yup,I value my sanity,thank you very much!)
I sat to start studying…..
I rest my case 😉 Sometimes its hard to get things out of my head if I don’t write about them. So I thought maybe this is what I must do. And OH,the headache!!! It comes when it knows well that I have to study. Damn it!!!
I must go,have dinner,make a cuppa and then force myself to study.

So long….

P.S: I think I’m in love with Forensic Psychology! But I’m not sure I’m gonna be able to pass with flying colours in my exam tomorrow :/ Lets see 😉

Diary Entry:My faulty stars….


Dear diary,
I’m so much accident prone these days. First I realized that I have lost my ATM card,don’t know when. And I’m not even sure if it was lost or stolen :/ I don’t know how long it’s been missing either. I realized I was broke! Then coming from auntie’s place, somebody either stole my cell charger or I lost it somewhere (slim chance there, I assure you.) As if that wasn’t enough tragedy in one week, my laptop had to take a dive,only it wasn’t water,it was floor. Leaving 3 very slim but nasty(for me at least)lines on the screen. And my EVO broke again!
My mids start from tomorrow and I just want to yell to heavens “GIMME A BREAK!!!”
*sigh*
I don’t believe in stars or being star-struck of course. I sat with my tortured lappie, to study and here I am!
Oh,and I left the bigger part out. I didn’t panic even after suffering this much 😀 Boy,am I happy……
Actually, I don’t even think I was shock that froze me. Because I have functioned perfectly fine since then. Yeah,well I know its kinda weird because everyone know how possessive I am about my stuff. And this leads to my premature diagnosis. Either I’m insane beyond my comprehension or I have finally learned how to master my emotions. Putting emotions on one side, I have this headache, that’s there in the back ground all the times these days. No, its not tensional, I would know. I have the perfect cure for such a headache. Its annoying but I’m managing.
I keep reminding me I have to study, Chloe and my own exam depends on me studying. Yeah,its a lot of dependence and it freaks me out! Guess,I should get used to it by now but I’m not. Just like I’m not used to talking to someone on call,even if its the banker who is supposed to block my ATM card. Okay, I did talk to him and it went fine but the part before actually doing the deed it the most difficult part. I always delay calling because I’m never comfortable.
*ughh*
Anyway, I should b studying :/

See ya, asap!

Diary Entry: I’m on Cloud Nine….


Dear diary,
I shared the best moments with a long lost friend last night. After such a long time, I could see her in that conversation and no doubt that time we spent talking,was a time best spent.
Sometimes things like that, make you realize, how much you miss the true people in your life. How much they mean to you. I still miss all the best times I had with her. She was my Ronald Weasley and I was her Harry Potter(mainly because the scar I have on my forehead 😉 ) Now those were some great moments we shared.
Aaaah, the nostalgia!
Today, I went to centaurus and guess what, Four happened!
Photo0038

And, honestly, I’m in love again!
Even though, I still hate the Allegiant ending, or his real name (Tobias-the way it sounds :p ) or the tattoos on Tobias’ back(a big disappointment there- in motion picture), the fact that the author destroyed the whole romance by killing the spirit of the whole series and justifying it with whatever great purpose she thought it would serve, but when it comes to Four the Character or Theo James the actor……. Hes Perfect!!! Almost seems as if she saw the guy first and made an exceptional character out of him next.
Did I say, I am in love???!!!
Ahem,I can barely contain myself,now that I have my own copy of Four.
I wish my mid terms weren’t starting so soon. The “soon” being Monday. I would’ve read the whole book by then :/ Seems like it would be my companion of journey back home,next week 😀 Still, I wont let this news mar my high spirits.
Anyway, I was about to watch The Counselor. Seems like it would be good. I’m not entirely sure though.
Have a quiz tomorrow but hell, I don’t wanna open my lectures right now.

See ya!

Diary Entry 128


Dear diary,
first off, this “beep beep boop” that wordpress shows while it makes me wait, is extremely annoying. That being said, I’m not here to say that. Actually I’m amazed at myself. I just posted here only some minutes ago and here I am again. I didn’t expect it.
But hear me out. I just had the craziest idea. I was re-reading my last post while listening to “Sawan aya hai” (the song I’m currently obsessing over *duh!*) and this crazy little idea just popped into my head. I write blogs and I’ve been a radio fan since forever. If I combine both things, I get a voice blog. And now I’m wondering why didn’t I think of this ever before? Honestly, it would be a lot easier if my expression occasionally got voice so that I would be able to enact the yelling in my head. What do you think? Is it a good idea or did I just go crazy???!!!
Yup, I’m asking you for a sincere advice. Should I or should I not work on this idea (recording won’t be easy but I’m ready to work on it if …… well you know!)
Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma…… Yup, it’s gonna be a difficult night now (thanks t my brilliant mind!)
Anyway, I should be off now.
See Ya!

Diary Entry 127


Dear diary,
it’s almost 10 pm but seems like it’s already past midnight or so. I miss Goldie but she’s in her other friend’s room. Life’s good. We had a party in our class today. There’s this teacher who, even after being informed of our plans just was so reluctant to give us some time for ourselves. I mean, her concern is kinda overwhelming. But I can’t say anything bad about her. I mean, she’s such a sweet teacher. She’s perhaps the only teacher in our whole department who still thinks something positive about our class, who defends us. And, I like it that she actually tries to tolerate us. I mean, not that we are some unruly little beasties but still. Other teachers don’t like us very much. So this is saying something I guess. (I just realized I am practically babbling by the times I used the words “I mean.” WOAH! )
Oh dear! Look at me, I’m all softie softie inside after watching a cute sentimental comedy :p yeah, even I don’t know what it is that I’m actually trying to say here. And of course I have Arijit Singh on again :/
No, I’m not breaking down, I’m okay. I really am. I just feel like dancing. And I don’t know how to dance. There’s this whole energy coursing through my veins that I wanna get rid of. And Chloe isn’t here! (*The real issue*)
Okay, I suck at letting people know my feelings and I totally hate myself for that. I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that if they really love me, they won’t be bothered by me blabbing about anything I feel. I just CAN’T! You know, I’m what’s wrong with the whole wide world!!! I’m what’s wrong with this whole picture. I hide, I shun, I shut people out, I push them away. And what’s even worse is that I do it on purpose :/
I sometimes ask myself, why can’t I just be happy over silly things like everyone else does???!!! Why do things seem to have more effect on me than anyone else? I’m not a worrier, Goodness, I’m a WARRIOR!!! Why do I have difficulty getting hold of my emotions sometimes? Hell, no, I’m not worried about my past or future. It’s my present that irritates me. I wanna move and yet I lie under my sheets and watch movies, play word games, listen to one song a million times and more!
Oh yes, not to mention the yelling inside my little head. Now that I come to think of it, it’s not-so-little head. It’s got enough space to handle big crisis, for crying out loud. I yell, I snap at people, I feel like slapping them silly sometimes, I even murder them, a thousand times, in my head. I plan stuff, some very serious and dangerous stuff, I’m so calm while I take the war-front, HELL, I fight the battles of others for them and yet, what makes me insane, what drives me mad and what pushes the wilder part of me out is just a little bit of winter gloom. How’s that for a punch in the gut?! Aaarrghhh…..
Okay, okay, okay, I’m talking too much, then again, maybe not. For once in almost forever, I’m actually writing whatever is crossing my mind. I’m letting everything out. Because, even though I don’t want to say it out loud, I’m tired. I hate to admit it, but one part of me wants to quit and then there is this one other, much bigger part of me that has a frown on and wants to strike back, real hard!!!
And I guess, in the end this bigger part will win, like always, no questions asked.
Dear diary, I was so fixated on people in my life. But I’ve literally stopped caring, for some at least. It feels really great. It liberated me. And then again, I lose and find myself every day and life goes on……
Enough said for tonight I guess. Back to my boring routine slash the exciting world in my head 😉

P.S: I started writing this post around 10 but midway, Chloe came in. Didn’t wanna change anything that I initially wrote. So, here it goes 🙂

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