The Sadness Inside


The death you mourn,who was it that died?
Why do you feel bad?Whats this sadness inside?
What did he mean to you?What do you have to hide?
Oh heart,stop,let go!Be patient,don’t lose hope
Soon things will be different.Time will heal you one day
O dear heart,don’t cry.Today’s just not the day
Grow up dear heart.Stop mourning,start living
The dead is dead.There’s no turning back
So you look for what’s ahead.And move on.
Keep moving.Don’t stop.Shed all the burdens
Start anew.Learn from your mistakes.
Bury the past with the corpse you bury
Let all the tears of misery fall
Put on a big smile,take a deep breath
The world is full of second chances,take yours!

Nightmare


A smile like waves in an ocean
A laugh, setting fire in water
Consuming me whole….
My body and soul…..
I wake up with a start; shaking
From my nightmare, that’s love
Destructive, combustible, chaotic
Joined with my name, this shame
Eating away my spirit, my bane
No help, no aid, no healing touch
Just pain and an everlasting wait….

dream


I can feel your silent breath beside me;

the caressing hand through my hair.

I can smell your fragrance

and intensity of your concern.

Your presence near me seems to be so real

that I lift my hand,

to take yours into mine-

to feel its warmth upon my skin.

But my hand closes

on nothing but thin air

and unintentionally,but,I smile.

For such a solid memory of you-

I’ve kept in my head.

That when I’m alone,

I feel you sitting beside me-

worried but smiling.

I can see me arguing

and you-staring intently;

trying to make sense;

of my childish words.

                                                                                                                                                                                    originally written on:April,4,2010.

talented or abmormal?


Mic in my right hand,just like my music teacher once taught me to hold, in the mid of the stage,swaying with the rhythm of piano,once again I stand,ready to play my part.There’s no looking back now,I’m just being who I am,I’m being myself.there’s no turning back for this time I’ve come so far.

*sigh*

At last!!!  And here’s my cue,my turn to sing,to speak my heart out aloud.No shivering,no fear-my body is temporarily immune to such sensations.I’m feeling nothing but the passion,the urge to put my inner self into words and to dance with the beat as if nobody is watching me.I’m all alert,concentrating all my bodily powers and all my mental energies on this one point,into achieving this one goal.So,here’s the trade secret-I’m putting the whole of my existence into my voice today because I’ve realized that I’m second to none,I’m unique and I know it now.So,here I am,and I’ve come here to win.No,I’m not competing anyone,this isn’t even a competition,but I have to win-the hearts of my listeners.I have to win the acceptance certificate.I know I can do this-

“Its okay.Hey,you’ve done this before,haven’t you?”

Yeah,I can absolutely do this.

But can I do it right???!!!

Oh,I know there’s no time to reason,no way to get out now,so,here I go . . . . . . . . . . I took a deep breath,slowly raised my eyes and leveled them with my audience,took slow steps and I was once again in spotlight ,welcomed with a loud applause.I flashed my smile and first words poured from my mouth. “Let the music play DJ, my emotions,let them flow. In the form of this ballad, my love today,I’ll show . . . . .” And then there was no stopping.My heart didn’t miss a beat and before long I was scattering my charm,the music following my lead.Perfect!Better than I ever thought,was possible.A little more persuasion,and the night and stage would be all mine! So,I took help from some gestures and I could feel every heart following me. A sudden change in tempo of music,a little upbeat mode and soon my audience was singing with me-my first original song.I was astonished how quickly they learnt  the chorus.So,I knew where all this was going.That was my chance to takeover before I quit singing and I availed it fully,to have no regrets later.I did my job exceptionally well. I sang on the top of my voice,allowing myself to be carried away for the very first time in my life.I felt so light as if I was flying on the beats.And most importantly,I felt alive! So long,I had been busy to suppress the singer inside me,trying to pretend that I was normal,that I perfectly fit into this world of normal people.But I didn’t realize that I was trying to deny my own existence .I’m glad though,for not giving up long ago.I’m glad,I didn’t let the craving inside me die.I’m happy for letting my unfulfilled passion to kill me form inside,for dying with it helped me to live for it,teaching me to break free from my self-built dungeons. How was I supposed to unveil my hidden obsession for singing without dying for it first?how could I reach the climax of my ecstasy without reaching the depth of my insanity?How could’ve I found the art of ‘sensational-singing’,without exploring it,before experiencing the inner need for it? Oh yeah,it was a dream,a beautiful one at that,but I would never ruin it by saying that with cheers and applause,my eyes opened to the reality,and braced myself in my bed-to finally face the reality.But lemme tell you one thing,dreams  dreamt  with open eyes never die,thats the beauty of it.Since my eyes didn’t open to the real world(apparently they were open already)so I was once again ready to enjoy my current status in the world-the status of an OUTCAST!!!!