Prey To Love


Some stones are better not turned, some truths untold.
Some secrets, not revealed, some emotions run bold.
Love’s so fierce, a dagger wrapped up in gold.
If found, flourishing, if lost, so  freakishly cold.
So here’s another one, a thought that inside I must hold.
I fell prey to love, with you, so stay! and together we’ll grow old.

Diary entry 119


Dear diary,
I know,its been too long since I last wrote. I wasn’t short of words of incidents to report, it was just lack of motivation. But from past one day, I have been driven crazy by my unruly thoughts. I’m not gonna say what nightmares I have had for past some days. Some things are better left alone, untouched. Some secrets are better buried deep in damp, cold and the darkest part of the soul.
The good thing is, I’m going to start a Tajweed class this week In Sha Allah. I’m pretty excited about it.
Yesterday was my second time to drive a car but first time, without any supervision. I enjoyed every bit of the experience. Hoping to get great at it very soon.
Argh, not writing for so long has its own negative effects. My mind is numb and all muddled up. I dunno what I’m writing and how. Nothing seems  right and nothing seems to matter at this very moment. I just want to lie down and sleep,without any more waiting.
Any hopes and chances of me writing anything good today are equal to zero, but I might pop up early in the morning to try again. For now, I better hit the bed and try to catch up on some lost hours of sleep.
Chao!

Psychologists:a secret unveiled.


If you are a psychologist or are training to one,at some point you would get to listen comments like:Psychologists become psycho themselves.Yesterday,we discussed the reason of this notion in class with our educational psychology teacher.She said-the best way to avoid people judging you like this is-NEVER use psychology on your near and dear ones.Because they are the ones who later become the source of such opinions.

While studying about methods of data collection she told:While taking an interview from the patient,you have to keep your face expressionless because even a slight change of your facial expression can make your subject reluctant to share any more or it can make them conceal important details.

So,now I understand why all the teachers in my department have such serious and blunt look about their faces 😉

Oops!the topic said “A” secret!And here I was about to write a third thing.

Of course there would be more but later 🙂

. . . . but whose suffering is it?


It isn’t my secret to hide or to disclose.I thought I’d never see her again-ever.But when exactly did the life ever go the way you expect it to?

Fear didn’t leave me for the whole night.Ghosts and demons of doubt and worry never left my side for even a moment.What was happening,and why?She was a very good friend.In fact one who was close to my heart.We grew up together and shared most of our secrets and little fears of childhood.We studied and stayed in hostel together.I’ve always known her to have a strong sense of right and wrong.She loved her family and me-as I her.

My heart still refuses to accept that SHE of all people could do this,no matter what the circumstances.

Leaving her home and beloved family,without even a word and not a penny on her-that certainly wasn’t the most brilliant idea that ever crossed her mind.I know I could be a pigheaded person sometimes and if anyone had the potential to do it,it was me.But I know even if I have the potential to do it,I would never betray my family like this-I would never cower-I would never leave the battlefield without giving it my best.Its not in me to give up so easily because I’m a warrior inside.While she left without a backward glance-as if she planned never to return.Now that I look on the matter again,I realise how difficult it is on children when their parents fight in front of them in their every waking moment.

Thanks to Allah she is back safe and sound but the scars of wounds that rendered her depression and made her take such big step would never cease to exist.

She suffered everyday and so did her siblings and her mother’s family and her father’s family.But who was responsible for all this and when was it going to end?

People,your family is like a chain,each member its one link.intact though it may seem but there is always a place of attachment that is weaker than the other parts of each link-and its that weaker part that determines how intact you are and how many deathblows you can endure.Save it before its too late for you!

As for her story-I guess,whose suffering it was,we’ll never know!