Diary Entry:Temper Tantrums


Dear diary,
I’m going back to the person I was six years ago. As much as I loved her, I don’t want her to take hold of me again. She was great and all but she was an extremely angry minor who used to run towards danger instead of running away from it. I think I’m losing the little control I gained with quite difficulty. ‘Cause that daredevil threatens to come out every single time a situation is a little annoying. It’s been messing with my head and my whole body. Every single time an anger fit strikes, I find my face go hot, heart ringing into my ears, heat radiating from me. I’m a hand grenade with its pin out. My head drums and blood pressure probably rises. It’s hurting me to be me…… I don’t know how long would I be able to not react in anger and damage the things I value in life. I don’t know how long it would take me to snap. I don’t want to snap!
I guess It’s the food here, or the water perhaps. Or I’m just being paranoid. I don’t know. I just had an almost fight with a friend and there is so much I wanted to say but if I hadn’t shut up, when I did, I’d probably be writing about how I lost a good friend today. I think he lost a major part of me today……
How do you know when to stop taking crap from people? how do you know when to stand up for yourself? You’d think I would know the answer, but honestly, I don’t! Yes, I have fought many times but I have never fought for myself before…… And apparently nobody would ever fight for me, except for me! It just making me think, either I’m not worthy enough that someone would fight for me, or nobody ever is! Whatever is the case, I’m not going to change the better part of me, no matter what crap people give me. If this lot, surrounding me, isn’t worth it, doesn’t mean no one in this whole world is worth it. I’m sure I will find someone who really deserves it, some day.
But I’m done taking crap from people- friends or no friends- I’m done!!!
The next time it happens, people would see that the girl behind all that care and smiles has a fierce side to her that no one can stand.
*sigh*
I don’t wanna do it, but I think I will have to….. It’s just not fair on me if I keep refusing to fight for my own self while I fearlessly go marching out to aid others in their fights.
I should probably go now. I’m cold again after so much heat. I need to cover myself up.

Sayonara!

When did the masochist become a sadist?


Some days back,I happened to come across an interesting picture message on facebook.It said:

Mother:(noun)

<muth-ur>

meaning:someone who does two jobs without getting paid for even one of them.
note:also see:masochist

That was something I never thought before.Whoever wrote it-what can I say about them,obviously they have a good mind that can relate to things very well.

This and some recent events in my own home gave me this idea of a post.

Before I write more about the topic,I’d very much like to define these two Psychological terms I used in the title of this post.

According to Oxford dictionary:
Masochist(say:mas-ok-ist)

A person who enjoys things that seem painful or tiresome.

Sadist(say:say-dist)

A person who enjoys hurting other people.

The key difference between both is who is getting hurt.The Masochist hurts himself while sadist hurts others.

I’ve been meaning to write generally about Asian and particularly about Pakistani mums.

A mother works her butt off her whole life only to provide the best to her children.Unlike many of world’s liberal communities,a boy rarely leaves his home after marriage which means the daughter-in-law has to live with her in-law family.

The problem for a girl starts way before puberty but most part of which she doesn’t understand.Once she crossed her puberty,she’s bombarded with discussions on the topics of marriage and dealing with a husband or a mother in law.She’s told so many horrible things about a typical mother in law that by the time she reaches the time of her wedding,the mother part transforms itself into Monster-in-law in the mind of the bride.

And it doesn’t stop there.Before marriage,she’s fed with thoughts like-you don’t know how to work,your in laws won’t let you stay for 1 day at their place.

Some poor girl,who never touched her own hair to make a braid is forced to do all the chores of her home.From the life of a princess,she is suddenly demoted to the life of a petty serving girl.Above all that,her work always gets skeptical views instead of praise-and all that in her own home!

What I don’t get is,what are mothers thinking.Does their daughter suddenly become SUPER-GIRL when she reaches her puberty?Because I never saw any girl turning into one!

Mothers like to call it a “training for the next home”or “something for your own good”-and I call it a “Masochist turning into a Sadist!”

A mum could never be a sadist when we take the pleasure part of the word-she would never enjoy seeing her child suffer-thats my favourite part.I wish to ask all the mothers out there a little favour:try to get your little girls work with you from the very start of the conscious part of their life.This would help you to make your child love the work and avoid any possible friction between you and your daughters in future.

With the serving part out of the equation,the monster in law pat is easy to control.When you can be their best friends instead of being tyrants,so can their mother in law!

Good luck there 🙂

laugh it off


You know how it feels to be abandoned by someone, don’t you? The hurt won’t leave you, your eyes won’t stop complaining, but again- there’s no one to see and comprehend. The one who left doesn’t come back to comfort you.

Do you know the feeling when you come to know that someone you loved and respected, is a fake. Yeah, cheated is the exact name of that emotion you then feel.

But, the sooner you know, the better. I can’t say that it prevents you from being hurt but you still have some power left to forget that person.

Some people are present in your life to break you. To show you how much you can endure-how brave you are-what exactly your limit is!

Thanks to them, you come to know about your real inner strength. You fight the demons of hopelessness and come forward as a victor. There’s no harm in that!

Besides, the process of learning has always been a difficult one! One way to deal with such sorrow is to laugh it off-that’s exactly what I’m trying to do today.

Ouch!!!

It hurts!!! And really bad!!!

Arrrggghhhh . . . . . . .

No, I don’t have any heartaches right now its just that

I have pain in the pit of my stomach!

(No! I’m not trying to be a drama queen-I suck at being dramatic.

Probably I ate too many almonds today).

P.S:this last picture is a little exaggerated version of how I’m feeling right now.