Diary Entry 132

Dear diary,
I dunno if I forgot to tell you that we have an evening semester this time with internship in the morning. Our department has totally gone crazy. We are getting piles and piles of assignments and presentations,some of them punishments for doing something and others,punishments for not doing something :-/ Seems like 3.5 years are enough to irritate the hell outta someone,or maybe our department people think so….
I’m this quiet,calm,collected and confident person outside, and inside, I’m totally freaking out!!! How am I supposed to get all the stuff done by the due date? Okay, fine, I know I can, if I put some effort but do I wanna put that effort? NO!!! I don’t wanna go outside my comfort zone even if its for the best. I don’t!
I don’t hate my department but I surely hate it’s people. Well, maybe Hate is too strong a word. Lets say, I don’t like them….I won’t be caught dead with them…. So I guess, it’s not really Hate :p
Sorry,I’m babbling again :/
It’s just that I don’t write very often any more and I totally miss it. So when I do, I tend to over talk a bit…..okay, a bit too much, but its okay I guess. It’s not hurting anyone and writing sets me free…..
My finals start on January 5,2015 and I’m kinda scared. No, things are not difficult but I’m so anxious these days. My internship date happens to be December 21,2014 and it wont really be useful for me in this semester but I’m gonna do it anyway, for experience. For the case reports, I’m glad that I went to CMH Sialkot when I did,for internship. It’s helping me a LOT.
And….. I miss my Psychologist! Right now, I’m missing her so much :/
Maybe, we’ll get to meet soon in sha Allah.
The only thing that keeps me going these days is the little bit of Qur’anic teachings that stayed with me. Especially the ayah in which Allah says that He never puts any burden on person who isn’t capable of bearing it. We are always judged with tests that are made with respect to our abilities. I guess, being in this university right now is my version of test. I’m just glad I don’t have too much time left here. And it also saddens me because I really loved the place and the “green buses”…. its only the people whom I don’t like and my dislike for them makes me bind sometimes and I think I hate my university. Th truth is, I don’t! If only there is some sort of dramatic change in our whole faculty,replacing old geysers(excuse my language, I’m not feeling really warm about my department people today :/ not proud of this word but I’m still gonna use it.) with brand new,more understanding staff members, it would be great, just about now!
Anyway, SIST 2015 is approaching way too quickly. I will have some days to memorize the required stuff after exams but I dunno how to feel about it just yet. I mean, I did mess up last time too…. I’m lucky that Allah still got me !st positions for both my categories. I’m not waiting for a miracle this time. I’m sure I will work hard when the time comes, in sha Allah.
That been said, I must leave now.

See you soon.
P.S:I know it would be soon(if life permits) because I’m most talkative in my exam season anxiety season 😉

Things I want to do before I die

I have always been a mouthy person when I am comfortable in my surroundings. But today I want to use pictures instead of too many words. So here I go…….
1. Learn Archery
index(Currently looking for a place where I can get trained,within the twin cities.If anyone knows,do let me know,pretty please!!!)

2. Get better at writing


3. Learn Knitting and Crochet

images4. Getting Horse-riding lessons

sfe5. Learn Sword fighting

asfsdfNope,I’m not trying to become a Vigilante 😉

6. Learn how to Swim

xd7. Learn different Languages

ef8. Learn driving

sadf9. Learn Tajweed and Memorize Qur’an


10. Be The Woman in White instead of Red when I Marry

photo.php11. Make Friends without Hurting them in the long run,just for a change

1451570_461793333951702_7745215552536848744_n12. Join Forces

imagesCan’t wait for my passion to come true!

A little history,plus some mystery equals to Me

It seems like ages since I have written anything but diaries or poems. But tonight I wanted to pour my heart out in something other than a diary post. My inspiration was another blogger Rafia Asif with a blog “Master Passion Greed.” I just came to know she is from my beloved city Sialkot. My excitement just won’t die so I decided that I should write a post and mention her. Off course there is more to this post than mere acknowledging that she is from my city. I don’t think I know her personally but I do hope I do(or that I get to know her better). Still sharing the same city has brought a feeling of being closer to her. I don’t know if you feel the same girl but I’m truly happy.
Anyway, this knowledge has lit up something inside me. I don’t know what it is but it seems to be something amazing. I have been hiding myself for too long I guess. I want to share some very basic things about myself tonight. Don’t ask me why.
(Yeah,I do realize that I should’ve written all this stuff earlier and that too in my “About” page. But hey,better late than never,right?!)
I am Nayab Khan, from Sialkot, an army brat and a patriot. Currently residing in Islamabad, a Psychology major, undergrad student in International Islamic University,Islamabad.
I’ve been an avid reader since my early childhood years, a singer for more than 20 years of my life,which practically includes my whole school and college life.
Writing for me, started when I was in grade 9,when I wrote my first poem. It was a poem about Harry Potter(my obsession at that time)and I used both English and Urdu to write it. A pretty childish move on my part which I even forgot until an English class in grade 10,when the teacher praised a story I had written as an assignment given by my English teacher. She made every class fellow read my story(Yes,I’m proud of it!). Then came the years I spent in college. There again my English teacher became my biggest motivator. I still remember her words to me like it was just yesterday.
“Nayab,mark my words, wherever you go in life,whatever field you choose,you will excel in it so much because you have a creative mind. And creative people always excel.”
That was the turning point for me. The second person playing a major role in my motivation became an English presenter in our local radio “Radio Buraq,104 fm.” I usually call that period,”the prime time” in my life. That was the start of my feeble efforts at writing poetic verses. DJ Farhan and the feedback from listeners told me, I had it in me.
3rd person to support me was my class mate and a very good friend, who used to write herself too.
On November 9,2007 an Iqbal day Inter college competition organized by City Mag,a local fortnightly magazine,was the last push I needed. After winning the competition(I had to sing poetry of Iqbal) the I had a little chat with the Chief editor of City Mag,telling him how much I loved the magazine(I was a regular reader mainly because of short stories and interviews of DJs of fm 104-my obsession at that time). He asked me “Why don’t you start writing too?We’ll be happy to print.”
And that’s how my life as a writer began. I have the honour of being the youngest writer for City Mag at that time who became popular among the readers very soon because of my short stories. But it didn’t last long. I had to leave for Islamabad.
Islamabad meant the start of another phase for me. Yeah,I’m a graduate from Al-huda International Institute of Islamic Studies for Women,Islamabad. Without any doubt, the one and a half years I spent there have been the best years of my life,til date. There I learnt how to put my voice to a better use. I learnt to do recitation along with many more things. My biggest achievement there was memorizing 3oth juz of Qur’an. I know it’s not much,but I still am proud of it.
And end of my time in Al-Huda meant start of my life in university. Here, I was a completely different person. I have always been a peace-loving,crowd avoiding book loving person who hated limelight from the very start(in short,an introvert). But coming to university kinda increased the intensity of those behaviours. I have grown extremely selective in making friends(I was like that in the past too but not extreme case). I talk less, keep more to myself which means I have stopped participating in any extracurricular activities,spending more time in classes than I used to,in my school years. I practically become to most dormant person,perhaps,in my whole university except for one activity. I do participate in SIST every year. In my university years, my participation in Shifa Inter Scholastic tournament every year has been about the only activity that gives me satisfaction and reminds me of good old days of the past when I used to be on stage most of the time. Believe me, there’s no bigger satisfaction than participating in recitation competitions and winning 1st prize every time. It seems like that was the whole purpose of my creation.
Oh,and the biggest force behind me going on stage has always been my beloved mother who kept pushing me to participate and actually live my life to the full. Mama, thank you for that. And I have grown lazy in past some years(mum still forces me to participate in competitions in university.So yeah,I’m guilty of hiding any such events from her 😀 )
Now before I go, some words for my granddad, who was the writer in my family(Bashir Ahmed Lodhi,who wrote “Tauheed aur hum“and “Shukar,taubah aur hum“,published by Darussalam publishers). I always perceive that I got my prose-writing genes from him and my poetry-writing genes from mum,along with a good voice.
That’s all my life was before today. Who knows what tomorrow brings(A thought just crossed my mind. Since,my grandpa wrote his books in Urdu,maybe I should be the one to translate them into English.Just a fleeting thought. But maybe instead of forgetting it,I will work to actually do it.Who knows 🙂 )

Here’s the link to Rafia’s blog if anyone is interested.

diary entry 73

Dear diary,

I’m done with my plastic surgery,which I probably forgot to tell you that I was going to go through.It was such a great experience.Enjoyed talking to doctors throughout the procedure under Local Anesthesia.Half of  my forehead is covered with stitches and plaster.I’m not allowed to wash my face,have to do the job with the help of a wet towel,carefully keeping the wound dry.The doctor prescribed antibiotic and painkillers.I’m just taking the antibiotics.Haven’t felt  any pain so I’m not taking painkillers.

Went to prize distribution ceremony of Tafheem Ul Qur’an academy today.Had great fun.Recited a nasheed there.Yup,m back on track.
Missed Alhuda badly!

Anyway,I have yet to offer my Isha Salah.

So,see you soon In Sha Allah,with some other details of my days.




Diary entry 60


Dear diary,


On the bus heading back to the University. The seminar was fun. The president spoke in Arabic and there was a translator present too. Even without Urdu translation I was able to understand a major portion of what he was trying to say. The topic was Qur’anic concept of Psychology. Loved the time spent there even though I was sleepy as hell.


I just wish people there were a bit more quiet and respectful for the person who was trying to talk to them. Yeah, that annoyed me a lot,the buzzing sound in the back ground first and then the voices grew louder as the time passed.


Right now we are speeding back towards University from where I’ll be going directly to Al Huda (In Sha Allah)


God! My brain feels like its been fried!!!


Gotta post this right now or I wont be able to post it until I reach Al-Huda.


Uni is near.


See ya again!




Diary entry 55

Dear diary,

There’s been a slight situation. A man who worked with my father vanished with 22 lac Rs and my brother just left his university to help my father recover the money. I might be on the brink of leaving the university too-nobody is saying that but I feel so bad.

My fee for the semester is yet to be paid. Yeah, it’s a big problem but it’s surely not bigger than Allah(SWT) and His power. Before leaving for home he told me not to worry. I’m not worried in the least. It’s just that I can’t control my thoughts. My mind reminds me again and again of the present situation. I’m writing here because I think it might help me in putting a stop to my thoughts. Off course I believe in Allah (SWT) that’s why I’m not tense. I know this situation would pass (In Sha Allah) and soon.

Anyway, I’m sitting in Al Huda library and writing from there. Yes, whenever I need some peace of mind, this is the first place I come to. And I totally love it here. My work in IT department is progressing slowly but I’m happy that I came here when I did.

After two weeks of bed rest, when I first came here, everyone asked me if I attended the lectures of Dr. Tawfiq Choudhary who visited Pakistan and Al Huda. I said no. And then they would tell me that the lectures were amazing and that I missed a LOT. I’m happy that I stumbled upon one of those recorded lectures when I was about to start my work here(perks of working with the editing crew 🙂 ). So I took my time and listened to what he had to say. And I have to confess, he’s an amazing speaker.

The topic of his talk was about the Judgment day scenario. He started by saying that he’s a medical Doctor who deals the emergency cases and that in his whole life as a doctor, he has never seen a single patient who died an “easy death.” Some people go fighting, some in pain, some wanting to live a little longer and no one actually ready to move on to the next world.

Death is not easy but why do we fear it so much? Why don’t we ever wanna die?

According to him, our hearts are filled with the love of this world that makes us stop wanting to meet our Creator.

There were some things that I learned today that I didn’t know even after studying the whole Qur’an with translation and explanation. I would love to share them here too.

  • We’ll have our intelligence in our graves too. Imagine thinking about the past – OUR past and the future, while lying in the grave……
  • Angels would come with the news of the happenings of the world to inform people of the graves.
  • Resurrection of corpses on the Day of Judgment would take place after Allah would soak our graves with rain. I was trying to imagine the scene and the picture that came into my mind was…..hand coming out of the grave and then slowly, the whole body coming out…….(yeah I thought of vampires and zombies :p )
  • Sky would be multi-coloured.
  • Earth would be smooth and white like flour and shiny like Silver.
  • The things that people steal in this world, they would carry them on their backs on the Day of Judgment.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking right now? Yeah, help comes from Allah (SWT) just when you need it. I’m happy I listened to that lecture today and I’m happy to know that justice would be served, be it here or in the hereafter.

Anyway, I have an assignment to make and two quizzes to prepare .So see ya soon In Sha Allah!

P.S: My plate is so full tonight so there is something related to Psychology that I wished to write but it will have to wait for now.