Unrequited Love


Nothing seems in control,
Nothing seems right.
Love could have fooled me,
I would’ve given up the fight.
So what, if he doesn’t know,
That I exist as a person too?
He’s been and always will be,
My life,my light!
And when tears become prayers,
I believe they get answered.
He’s mine and stays mine,
Teary eyed I pray every night.
I should have asked for forgiveness
For all my sins,my misgivings.
Could have raised me from cinders
To a great height.
But I’m a masochist,I preferred pain.
Love was all ache and no gain.
So I plunged in deep,never to return.
This fate I chose, so, alone I burn.
Oh, I hope this flame burns so high,
That you have to give in with a sigh.
For my love is a fire that won’t extinguish.
Come save me from my anguish.
It’s aglow for you, it wont die
With each blow it’ll get more bright!

Diary entry 115


Dear diary,
I don’t know what I feel right now and if I really want to feel this way or not. There is extreme happiness inside me and then there is sorrow like a shadow, darkening that happiness. I can’t figure out which emotion to express. When I decide to write about the grief and the reason why I feel down, my happiness tugs at me. And when I decide that I’m going to write about my happiness, my heart literally cries out because of the pain inside.
There is a guy, younger than me, who used to be my junior in my college, was my van fellow and used to call me his sister, for he had none of his own. His mother died of a heart attack last week. I just came to know about it yesterday. I don’t know how to react, how to comfort. This is the point where I feel the pain inside and can do nothing. Oh, I hate this feeling. Losing a mother is never easy. When I put my problems in front of me, they look so little, so feeble, so insignificant compared to his agony. Yes, I’m devastated by the news. And my friend problems, my exams and all the other problems that keep me busy, they are not even problems!
I think I have become such a whiner and I’m getting used to complaining here all the time. this is NOT good! I have to stop before it’s too late. Oh God,the pain just wont leave! :-/ I hope and pray that his mum’s soul rests in peace and Allah gives him and his family, patience.Writing is liberating for me,most of the time. It works wonders.
But not being able to say,whatever you want to say, not being able to express whatever you wish to express and not because you can’t, but because, it’s better under a veil than out in the open,it sucks, BIG time!
Maybe I should say why I was happy,too. I mean, I don’t actually have to act like a crybaby all the time. I must write about the good things too, right?!
So, here it goes…….
Another teacher of mine saw some potential in me, quite recently. And this time it’s the writer me that gave the hint. My teacher said “Nayab, after completing you BS, you should do Masters in English some day. You have the potential and you can do it easily.”
Oh yes, I am happy and even after days, these words have kept me cheerful through my days.
My days are kinda hectic and I have started sleeping too much and at most odd times. So much for a good routine. Every time I try that, it goes down the drain :-/
Tomorrow is my Research Methodologies II exam and this subject kinda sucks too. I dream of the days when this ordeal would be finally over In Sha Allah! I hope it does end very soon. I’m thinking about trying something that I have never tried before in my blog. Thinking of making next post a “picture post.”
Lets see if the idea materializes or not.
Gotta go from here to think about the next post.

P.S:Don’t forget to pray for the deceased,it’s a special request from my side.
Chao!

Diary entry 79


Dear diary,
I’m halfway to my home.And boy was I happy to be free finally!Traveling with my Dad.Feeling more excited than usual.Don’t know whats the reason but I do know I’m happy.Looking forward to reaching home and sleeping to my fill in the nights.
I’ve been forgetting things too frequently these days.The reason I suppose,is that I’ve been watching “Once upon a time”in an excess.Lovely drama,I have to say.Old fairy tales with a twist and from the perspective of the evil Queen or wicked witch of the enchanted forest,call her whatever.It showed that there is always hope when there is a will to change.
Gawd!This Qawali that the driver is listening to,it’s so irritating :/
Journey is going great.Hope the friends I left back in Islamabad are missing me.Well,you are in my prayers too 🙂
Yeah,dear chat buddy,I didn’t forget to pray for you 😉
Anyway,before my dad gets irritated,I must go.
Gutentag!

Diary entry 27


Dear diary,

*sigh*

Going home might not be as easy as I thought. What with all this rain!

Driving is becoming more and more difficult for dad. I’m just hoping we still find a way to end this journey on its actual destination. I don’t wanna stay in Islamabad now that I finally can go.

I’m just praying we make it to my home TODAY!!!

When I said “hope to meet you soon”, I didn’t expect to meet you so soon. But who knows what fate holds ahead. I needed to share, so here I am, knocking at your door again.

We are in Rawal Pindi, and I hate this convoluted city. (Yeah I hate my friend’s city)

But it seems I’ll have to spend the night in this very city.

Just my luck!!!

Hours of wait stretching. Lets see if I make it to my home or to my grandpa’s place in Rawal Pindi.

Wish me luck!

Night!

Diary entry 3


Dear diary,

Writing early today because I’m alone right now,listening to the most beautiful Taraweeh Salah live.Feeling so light and happy 😀

Everything is back on the track in life-except for my SIM network.Its still horrible and of course the power breakdown-how can I forget that one!Trying to write something new-just an experiment though.Hope it would be successful.I’m planning to let it out soon,but depends on how much I get time to write.

Miss my university life so dearly(working at home-doing all the household chores aren’t to my liking!).Heard that the result for 2nd semester is out(Don’t even go there,I’m not sharing it under any circumstances!Ugh,kidding 😀 don’t even know myself yet!)

September-Please come quick,want to be doing something!

Family invasion on my solitude-gotta run!
’till next time-
Ciao!

how can I be like them?


I silently cried and found myself in a reassuring embrace.

I looked into your eyes and saw concern.

You didn’t ask what bothered me,

I was never the one to tell.

For sometimes its beyond words

if you are living in an earthly hell.

You stayed with me till I calmed down.

Eyes questioning and a silent tongue.

I need to know what made you cry,

who?how and why?

A silent tear escaped again,

Won’t say a word ’till,control,I gain.

I’m nestling a broken heart.

I can’t help but think,

how could I ever be like them?

those who die in Allah’s path.

Who sacrifice their lives everyday.

When my days are filled with joys,

They suffer the pain,lose their families;

Ask for help and are rejected.

How can I ever be compared with them?

When I sleep sound at night

and they live in fear of dying every moment.

When i feel down,someone’s there to cheer me up.

while their children die-burnt and butchered,

the least I can do is pray.

Oh my Muslim brothers and sisters,

I feel your pain like my own.

I wish I could do more for you-

wish I could end this all!

P.S:Couldn’t sleep all night due to flashbacks of images of Muslims of Burma and due to Surah Burooj playing again and again in my mind.May the souls of the dead rest in peace and may the unjust have the retribution of their deeds soon.Allah,you are our only hope!

Make this viral,save Muslims from slaughter!


http://www.avaaz.org/en/petition/Protection_of_Muslims_in_Myanmar/?cRJipdb

your one click can save Muslims from being slaughtered in Burma.Sign this petition yourself and make it viral so that other could sign it too.If not for the sake of religion,let it be for the sake of Humanity!