Sometimes Even The Supergirl Needs Saving


Life has a certain taint of irony to it. It is so fairly unfair. It builds you up to break you down. It makes you euphoric only to send you spiraling down to depression. It’s easy to be alive and yet hard to live. Doors close on your face, and open behind you. It squeezes the life out of you, when you are not looking and fills you with the energy when you need it the least. Life is peculiar. And maybe that’s the only reason that it is so interesting to live.
Everyone knows her to be strong. Her friends call her supergirl. She calls herself, stubborn. When she’s stuck at a place, nothing moves her. People come, people argue, people bang their heads, they see a stone and people go. She doesn’t budge when things she’s passionate about are at stake. She’s that difficult but extremely easy as well.
She stands like a dude, in social gatherings she’s almost mute. She hates people and yet loves to save them. She’s a sucker for misery and pain. Can’t stand either of those. Emotions rule her and so does a level head. She doesn’t love, she melts. In anger she’s a grenade with its pin out. She’s the kind of person who would die for the ones she loves. And here’s where the life brings a twist.
A girl, who runs to save the world- the world of her beloveds, when she needs saving, people put their foot on her cape. Sometimes, bigger hurts are easier to endure, with patience. and at other times, little things may make her cry her eyes out.
She’s patient, she will give you space. She gives so many chances before you can actually break her. She won’t ask you to fight beside her- NEVER! But, is it asking too much if she sometimes wishes you to stand close and do nothing? Just watch her while she saves the world?
Where does the supergirl or a superwoman go, when she’s hurt? Who tends to her wounds? Who tells her, that everything would be okay, that life is difficult but she’s not a quitter?
You know what the problem here is?!
If a girl is strong, people start expecting her to be invincible. They think that a strong woman won’t break. But even the supergirl gets hurt with Kryptonite, that does serious damage. She’s strong but she’s not immune to emotions. Sometimes, even the supergirl needs saving…….

Diary Entry: Unsettled


Dear diary,
future is always so uncertain. And uncertainty calls for anxiety. I’m certain that what I want, won’t be presented to me in a silver platter for me to enjoy. That never happens. I know I will have to fight for it. It’s just hard when the things that I am passionate about, people- my folks, don’t agree with them and offer resistance. They say stuff that either hurts me or make me fume, and sometimes, both!
Right now, my instinct says, “get ready for the fight!” And there is a dread settling inside me. I don’t wanna fight anyone! I want things to go smoothly but I have a feeling that they won’t. Writing in here isn’t making me better as there is a lot of work to be done. I have to do my clearance from my university first, get my transcript and degree. That’s the easy part(not really, but still easier!).
*Sigh*
My bigger worry would be, convincing my father to let me study further. The way my brother reacted to the news of me studying in Co-ed institute, broke my heart and more than that, made me furious! Thank goodness, he’s not my father! Anyway, my folks know I’m the most obstinate person when I have to be- a total bitch! (No, I’m not proud of that. But this is what my society made me!)
Still, I have put the decision of my future in the hands of Allah(SWT) He has saved me from countless wrong decisions and difficulties, and He definitely, won’t leave me alone now!
I must get ready for Asr Salah. Hopefully, will see you soon. In Sha Allah!

Happy B’day Chloe!


Yesterday I was there, tomorrow I may not.
The times we made up, the times we fought.
My life is just a reflection,full of your affection.
I’d spend hours,In those memories, lost.
I’ve known no passion greater than yours.
I’ve seen no better friend.
Time may be measured in seconds and hours
But your love has known no end.
Its hard to say in words how I feel.
A broken heart I will never tend.
As long as I have you close,
Of being happy I never have to pretend.
So much to say, so much is felt,
Mere thoughts of you and my heart melts.
Lucky as I am, to have seen, to have known
Your beauteous heart, a face set with frown.
The tantrums you throw, the fights you take on
So full of life, my heart you’ve won.
Love you with your good and bad.
Such pleasure with you I’ve always had.
No matter how much life keeps us apart

index
Be assured you’ll always be in my heart!

the big F


I’m not new here but I’m still getting the hang of it.Its been a year or more since I first started this blog but due to my own negligence and sometimes due to lack of time initially I rarely wrote here.Which means I  rarely got any stats to brag about or any hits on the blog.But back then I didn’t even think that there would be anything like following or stats or followers.What was on my mind when I created this blog-well I had a lot of raw passion that easily shaped itself into words and often when I’d read those words later,they would touch my own heart.This lead me into believing-I can write.Yeah,I’m not perfect but neither was I looking for perfection then nor am I now.I just needed to get everything out because when I had something to say,it was difficult to keep it to myself .Since I couldn’t shut up,I needed a better way to get my opinion before others.Thats what I do.I feel and I write.But I do so now more to placate my inner rage;to keep me sane.

Only in some recent months when I started regularly posting,I came to know about the stats,screen hits,notifications and other great things that wordpress provides its writers with(though I’d totally like to design a theme for my blog according to my own mood-only if I knew how…….*sigh*).

Only recently people started to visit,like and on some rare occasions post a comment or push the follow button.The first time I noticed an “F” letter on my notification bar,my heat skipped a beat.

OH GOD!my first failure!

Yeah that’s exactly what I thought without even checking what my notifications.You totally had me there wordpress folks 😀 but I was ecstatic when I found out that it wasn’t some sign of failure,it was simply a notification telling me that someone started following my blog.(By the way,did I thank you people for liking or following or commenting or even sparing enough time to come at least visit my blog?Spare my manners please-I’m not proud of them either.)

Thank you all =D

I really appreciate your coming here.Gives me hope-rekindles the extinguishing fire in me and compels me to keep on writing.

The “F” letter still has the heart numbing effect sometimes and the star makes me curious,who visited and liked my post and what are their blogs about.

And guess what makes me most happy in the stats-THE COUNTRY STATS-love the little lit areas on the globe in different colours!!!

talented or abmormal?


Mic in my right hand,just like my music teacher once taught me to hold, in the mid of the stage,swaying with the rhythm of piano,once again I stand,ready to play my part.There’s no looking back now,I’m just being who I am,I’m being myself.there’s no turning back for this time I’ve come so far.

*sigh*

At last!!!  And here’s my cue,my turn to sing,to speak my heart out aloud.No shivering,no fear-my body is temporarily immune to such sensations.I’m feeling nothing but the passion,the urge to put my inner self into words and to dance with the beat as if nobody is watching me.I’m all alert,concentrating all my bodily powers and all my mental energies on this one point,into achieving this one goal.So,here’s the trade secret-I’m putting the whole of my existence into my voice today because I’ve realized that I’m second to none,I’m unique and I know it now.So,here I am,and I’ve come here to win.No,I’m not competing anyone,this isn’t even a competition,but I have to win-the hearts of my listeners.I have to win the acceptance certificate.I know I can do this-

“Its okay.Hey,you’ve done this before,haven’t you?”

Yeah,I can absolutely do this.

But can I do it right???!!!

Oh,I know there’s no time to reason,no way to get out now,so,here I go . . . . . . . . . . I took a deep breath,slowly raised my eyes and leveled them with my audience,took slow steps and I was once again in spotlight ,welcomed with a loud applause.I flashed my smile and first words poured from my mouth. “Let the music play DJ, my emotions,let them flow. In the form of this ballad, my love today,I’ll show . . . . .” And then there was no stopping.My heart didn’t miss a beat and before long I was scattering my charm,the music following my lead.Perfect!Better than I ever thought,was possible.A little more persuasion,and the night and stage would be all mine! So,I took help from some gestures and I could feel every heart following me. A sudden change in tempo of music,a little upbeat mode and soon my audience was singing with me-my first original song.I was astonished how quickly they learnt  the chorus.So,I knew where all this was going.That was my chance to takeover before I quit singing and I availed it fully,to have no regrets later.I did my job exceptionally well. I sang on the top of my voice,allowing myself to be carried away for the very first time in my life.I felt so light as if I was flying on the beats.And most importantly,I felt alive! So long,I had been busy to suppress the singer inside me,trying to pretend that I was normal,that I perfectly fit into this world of normal people.But I didn’t realize that I was trying to deny my own existence .I’m glad though,for not giving up long ago.I’m glad,I didn’t let the craving inside me die.I’m happy for letting my unfulfilled passion to kill me form inside,for dying with it helped me to live for it,teaching me to break free from my self-built dungeons. How was I supposed to unveil my hidden obsession for singing without dying for it first?how could I reach the climax of my ecstasy without reaching the depth of my insanity?How could’ve I found the art of ‘sensational-singing’,without exploring it,before experiencing the inner need for it? Oh yeah,it was a dream,a beautiful one at that,but I would never ruin it by saying that with cheers and applause,my eyes opened to the reality,and braced myself in my bed-to finally face the reality.But lemme tell you one thing,dreams  dreamt  with open eyes never die,thats the beauty of it.Since my eyes didn’t open to the real world(apparently they were open already)so I was once again ready to enjoy my current status in the world-the status of an OUTCAST!!!!

my ecstasy . . . .


“Doesnt matter where the road of life would roll,

’cause now we are two bodies but one soul.

we shall live together and die,

There wont remain any silent truth between us,

that’s the best way to avoid ado and fuss.

you,alone;are the object of my affection.

Hope you realize my raw emotions!

 Oh,the solitary resident of my heart!

I’d better die,than live apart!

today let’s make a vow and pray,

true to each other,we shall always stay.

I’ve already lost my heart to you.

My love for you is pure and true.

Your love is all for what I care.

Shunning your ways,I’d never dare.

May each sun rise brings a Valentine’s day,

and every night is a message of romance and gay!

It’s a bliss to be in your arms,

Far better than other charms.

So,hold me tight with all your might.

And never let go this ‘lovey dovey’ night.

Now or never,this chance might come.

So,let’s make our home a love kingdom!!!”

LOVE KINGDOM eh???!!!what gibberish am I writing???!!!a love kingdom for me???IMPOSSIBLE . . . !you would be wondering why.Because Im a very thankless person at that!I have always had the best share in my life . . . but never ever appreciated it!I always took it for granted . . . . never cared.I guess i deserve it,I deserve this suffering too much!

I dunno.maybe I’ve become a MASOCHIST!!!

Why can’t I just hold myself steady?Why my mind moves from one obsession to another-this thing,i may never understand.Okay,so maybe I’m boring you to the depth of your bones-but you see,I’m not a writer at all.Someone,i just happened to stumble across,a dear friend at that;advised me to either accept my life as it is,or write in a journal to put all the frustration out of my mind.So here i am . . . . .

Life has never meant for me anything,but an enjoyment-with an obsessive compulsive disorder,i suppose.the only role I played in my whole life,was that of a chaser,endlessly chasing       my each new passion and obsession.I had everything in life that makes up for a luxurious life – EVERYTHING!!!

(*sigh*)

And I mean when I say everything except . . . . . . the most essential one – PEACE!!!

I would’ve said like others that I’ve been peacefully and happily married from past one and a half-year but the truth is I’m not!Okay,I’m married,I have a 6 days old daughter to take care of,and a beautiful,gorgeous and ever caring hubby,who loves me more than I ever deserved and tries to give me every possible comfort-both mental and physical!As if that weren’t enough-but Im so shame less,I want more!

My heart still doesnt stop on one place.Sometimes I think I’m betraying my beloved hubby but the desire for adventures never ends.

My mind is craving for some mellow music . . . . . .and darkness . . . .

i played Rihanna in the background

. . . . . . Because I’m gone again
And to him I just can’t be true

And I know that he knows I’m unfaithful
And it kills him inside. . . . . . . .
I called out,”Mason,please come here.I need you.”
          . . . .I don’t wanna do this anymore
        I don’t wanna be the reason why
                Everytime I walk out the door
          I see him die a little more inside
                I don’t wanna hurt him anymore
        I don’t wanna take away his life
                         I don’t wanna be…
                                 A murderer . . . . .

I saw him coming and closed my eyes.”What’s it,dear?”,he asked,anxious.”Are you alright?’,now worried,he came closer to the couch where I lay all weak and small.

“You worry too much man”,I tried to lighten the tension.He gazed fixedly on my face.I held my hand up and he took it and sat beside me.I opened my eyes,and our eyes met for a moment.That was when i realized i wanted to talk to him,to open my heart before him.It was something I never did before,something never even dreamed of doing.

He was looking so cute,in the dim light that came from the kitchen,and so intent on knowing what disturbed me.”M-Mason-! !”,I stammered,closed my eyes again.He gave my fingers a little squeeze.It was such a warm gesture,it broke me further.I started crying.,startling him completely.I knew he would do anything and everything to comfort me right now.This,filled me with more guilt and i cried harder.Soon he was holding me close to him,brushing my tears away.”Say my Love,what disturbs you?Or is anything painful?”I clung to him closer,still pouring my tears and wetting his shirt.When I was better and could speak again,I said,”Mason,Im so sorry!!!I realy AM!”

“Don’t-Anna,please don’t!!!”,he said,tense and pained.

“Oh no,let me be!I’ve always taken you for granted,always!But Mason I’ve realized my stupid mistake.I wont run after my desires anymore.I don’t want them anymore.All I want is you to accept my apology!please-PLEASE!!!”

And I was crying again,shaking uncontrolably.”Shhhh!!!No more tears baby!No,I just can’t stand them.I just want to see you happy,that’s all I care about.I wanna see that glimmer in your eyes when you set them on your goal.I want your wild side to keep on flourishing-keeping you more alive.I like you that way-don’t change it,don’t let it die,please!!!”

Oh Lord!he was  always so gracious,taking my every blow courageously.But I,too,am changed now.I love him now,more than my life.And then we have this little doll to take care of-our little Emma.

Sometimes I wonder,what changed me?Was it the depression after the birth of our only child or was it guilt of not taking the love and care of my husband seriously?But I guess its not that important to know,since im not ever going to be that old Anna-the nonserious one,anymore.I’ve learned to treasure my life,and ask,from you,the same thing.Treasure your beloveds before they turn away from you or,are taken away forever!Love them as much as you crave to be loved back-even more.Don’t take them for granted ever!

I guess I was realy lucky that my soul mate kept by myside-but you  never know where the life could take you.

So,now Mason is lying beside me and Emma.So,I’d better stop writing and cherish the moments  . . . .

Do you know what I’ve got in store for you?

No broken stars,no moon

              But pure love and extreme care

So if you dont mind,

Just step into my heart

          And be mine forever!!!