diary entry 36

Dear diary,

My presentation got postponed to tomorrow.

I have been repressing my ability to sing from past four or more years so its become too rusty. And today’s competition was an eye-opening event. My mum pushed me to participate but I’m kinda glad because I had a great and educating day. I’m not in a small city anymore. Big city, bigger challenges. And I have embraced this with my whole heart. Winning a prize has never been my reason to compete, it’s the winning of hearts that matters. I didn’t win and I’m not going to whine about it(I’ve had my fair share of winning so there ain’t a reason to whine about) because after today, I have to say, so many people are so much better than me out there. And its feels so great not winning for a change and knowing that someone who really deserved, got her chance at winning.

Here, I’d like to thank my mum who pushes me to participate, who stands beside me giving me strength to go on, who takes me back on track when my steps are not sure and who stands proud when I win and tells me I can do anything if I put my mind to it when I’m feeling blue. There’s so much to thank you for. And to my friends, who stay with me, in my good times and stick with me in the bad ones,to make them better. . . . . . . . .

Okay, I wasn’t planning to write so much today. I’m tired and have a quiz and presentation tomorrow which I haven’t even started to prepare yet(I know you are not thinking:”wow that’s a shocker!”), so I’ll go now.

Ma’as salamah!

Diary entry 13

Dear diary,

I’ve been trying to decide if I should write a full fledge entry today or not.Actually I wished to write but I’m down with temperature again and its being so brutal that I can’t even rest properly.There is so much to tell you but I can’t even write the assignment that’s due today.Yeah,my life’s been messy since I came back.The only thing my heart desires right now is the lap of my mother and her care until I get healthy-but I know that’s the one thing I can’t have today or tomorrow and who knows when I’d be able to go and see her again!

Hate you Flu,hate you Fever!!!

Love you mum and miss you!

Can’t write anymore . . . . . .

When did the masochist become a sadist?

Some days back,I happened to come across an interesting picture message on facebook.It said:



meaning:someone who does two jobs without getting paid for even one of them.
note:also see:masochist

That was something I never thought before.Whoever wrote it-what can I say about them,obviously they have a good mind that can relate to things very well.

This and some recent events in my own home gave me this idea of a post.

Before I write more about the topic,I’d very much like to define these two Psychological terms I used in the title of this post.

According to Oxford dictionary:

A person who enjoys things that seem painful or tiresome.


A person who enjoys hurting other people.

The key difference between both is who is getting hurt.The Masochist hurts himself while sadist hurts others.

I’ve been meaning to write generally about Asian and particularly about Pakistani mums.

A mother works her butt off her whole life only to provide the best to her children.Unlike many of world’s liberal communities,a boy rarely leaves his home after marriage which means the daughter-in-law has to live with her in-law family.

The problem for a girl starts way before puberty but most part of which she doesn’t understand.Once she crossed her puberty,she’s bombarded with discussions on the topics of marriage and dealing with a husband or a mother in law.She’s told so many horrible things about a typical mother in law that by the time she reaches the time of her wedding,the mother part transforms itself into Monster-in-law in the mind of the bride.

And it doesn’t stop there.Before marriage,she’s fed with thoughts like-you don’t know how to work,your in laws won’t let you stay for 1 day at their place.

Some poor girl,who never touched her own hair to make a braid is forced to do all the chores of her home.From the life of a princess,she is suddenly demoted to the life of a petty serving girl.Above all that,her work always gets skeptical views instead of praise-and all that in her own home!

What I don’t get is,what are mothers thinking.Does their daughter suddenly become SUPER-GIRL when she reaches her puberty?Because I never saw any girl turning into one!

Mothers like to call it a “training for the next home”or “something for your own good”-and I call it a “Masochist turning into a Sadist!”

A mum could never be a sadist when we take the pleasure part of the word-she would never enjoy seeing her child suffer-thats my favourite part.I wish to ask all the mothers out there a little favour:try to get your little girls work with you from the very start of the conscious part of their life.This would help you to make your child love the work and avoid any possible friction between you and your daughters in future.

With the serving part out of the equation,the monster in law pat is easy to control.When you can be their best friends instead of being tyrants,so can their mother in law!

Good luck there 🙂

Mother . . . . .

Torn between the right thing to do and the need to destroy that person,she sat morosely on her bed.The western scientists say that we are what we eat.Carnivores were not allowed to be eaten in her place just because her elders said so and her religion forbade her.But what she felt inside was something new and something totally opposite to what diet she took in.She felt pure hatred boiling her head-a character of Pigs.She wanted to rip him apart and drink his blood-again an animal instinct.She felt like a lioness,whose little cub got hurt in front of her eyes and the offender sat before her eyes,relaxed and careless.She wanted to cut his body into thousands of pieces-one for each moment of unhappiness he bestowed her and her child with.She was living through the moments of past again!
“Oh good Lord!tell me this has nothing to do with me-this is for my child’s sake.”
she begged inside her head.
But she didn’t feel satisfied.She tried to change her position,to go and busy herself in something to occupy her mind but failed miserably.He cheated on her and she was fully aware of it.Right from the start of their marriage,he was never truly her.He defiled her trust,and killed her love for himself.To her;he was everything in her life.To him;she was nothing.Firstly she was his match-a result of arranged marriage and later,she was the mother of his child.She was never a soul mate,a better half or a love interest for him.
She was so true to him-always!
How she spent her youth and her old age in trying to make her life less miserable with him.she tried and tried to forgive him again and again-when he was mean to her.She tried to overlook his disloyalties but to no end.Whenever he did something wrong-her heart wept but she was helpless.
As the time passed,she learned to ignore whatever he did outside his home.But her heart didn’t stop bleeding and crying . . . . .
She was ready to forgive all his misgivings but “cheating on her child”,that was unforgivable!!!

She would rip him apart to save her child if she needed to.

Now,thats what a mother would do for her child!!!And thats what she was ready to do.she would save her child from his own shadow if she had to.

Now for my mother-I miss  you a lot mama.Its your prayers that help me stand before the world.Its your protection that saved me from any harm.Its your love for me that taught me compassion in my own life.I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I’M PROUD TO BE YOUR CHILD!!!