Diary Entry:So long….


Dear Diary,

It’s been a long while, I know, I know! There was a time when I used to write regularly. Sometimes even twice or thrice in the same day. But times have changed. I still have so much to say, all the time but there are other things that keep my mind clogged all the time. Anyway, it’s almost the end of my 2nd semester here at Lahore Garrison University and the journey has been slightly bumpy but full of learning and fun. I’m happy here, Alhamdulillah! I don’t like Lahore and I still desperately miss Islamabad but when it’s time to leave, I’m going to miss my teacher so very much!
Anyway, I should be working on my case reports which were due yesterday but there was something inside me, stopping me from actually getting on with my work. My internal alarm is buzzing slightly telling me something awful is just waiting to happen. It’s  strong enough to make me restless. And that’s how I ended up writing here, instead of working on my case reports(my supervisor might kill me for being 2 days late >.< ). We had a meeting with our head of department yesterday. All the class representatives were present. In the past, I always used to get frustrated inside because whenever there were any competitions held in the uni, we, the post graduate classes in particular and my whole department in general, were never told about them until it was already too late to participate. And now, they need our active participation in different activities. That’s kinda good news, I guess. The times have changed for the better!
Most of the activities involve writing stuff. University magazine is about to come out and we are supposed to send in our work as well. First to the department, then they would choose which ones to forward to literary society. I wonder sometimes, why am I not a part of the literary society. But then my mind laughs and says “nice joke!” :p Yes i write but I don’t write anything of a substance. I really need to work on that. And yeah, I know I’m a helluva lazy person, which reminds me, I still haven’t completed the research work that I was supposed to do for a conference. I’m lagging behind and writing stuff that isn’t coming directly from my mind or the one that has facts and figures, it exhausts me, so MUCH! The conference has been moved to August, which isn’t a very comforting news. And what the hell am I doing anyway, trying to conduct researches?! I don’t even like research work! 😐 I know my teacher is the culprit behind this erratic behaviour of mine. She talks to inspire and her smile, it adds magic. She got to me like she gets to most people and I love her for that!
Ughhh, the case studies- I seriously hate them! I mean, the actual work is fun. But writing detailed histories and all the repetitive stuff…… it’s exhausting! I must go now. Have a long way to go before I am done with them :/

Ciao!

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Diary Entry: Ages Passed


Dear diary,
ages have passed since I last wrote in here. I can’t even remember when I did. Anyway, my first semester has long been over. I’m done with one of my mid term exams. Two left to go. My Placement viva for Adult psychopathology is finally over and I passed with flying colours. I’m still top most in my class. But you know me, I don’t really deserve that. I don’t work for it!
Anyway, I’ve made a new friend and I’m in love with one of my teachers. She’s a big motivating person in my life now a days, for which I’m very much thankful. She urges me to be better and do better. University life doesn’t suck as much either. I miss Islamabad, very much. The nature, the beauty that used to calm me down, its long gone. I miss that so much! I have developed a very bad habit ever since I came to Lahore. I start studying an hour or so before my exam. The rest of the time, I keep wasting.
Living in a room without a big window is frustrating. I often feel down. And those are the times when my teacher usually comes in handy. I enjoy talking to her. I’m super attached. She has grown attached too. But I miss when I’m unable to talk to her. And I do realize that she’s an extremely busy person. But I can’t help it!
Right now, I feel a little down because it’s been days since I’ve had a chance to talk to her properly. Oh no, not because I’m not free but because she isn’t. She’s going to be our new head of department. On one hand, I love the idea and on the other, I worry, she would be way more busy than usual and then I won’t have enough time to talk to her :/ Man! that sucks! And being super attached to someone sucks too!
I should probably go and try to hold myself together.
See you soon, if life permits!

Ciao

Diary Entry: Dreams


Dear diary,
Dreams SUCK!
I should know, I’m a sucker for dreams. The daydreams. Not the ones seen with closed eyes. And my dream institute sucks big time as well. Not exactly the institute, but some parts of it. Major portions!
For example, my university’s hostel and management. Garrison University held a such charm in my naive mind, before I was officially a part of it. Now I know, it was made for one purpose and one purpose alone; Business!
Yes, I’m ashamed to say, that they have turned such a sacred task of transfer of knowledge into merchandise. The more students advance through their grades, the more expensive the degrees become and with hectic routines in which one can’t even do a part time job to earn, sadly enough, we; those who wish to get higher education, are breaking our parents’ backbone by taking so much money.
As if that’s not enough, mess charges are increased, whenever the management wishes to do so, without prior notice or consent. For the sake of their advertisement, they have mentioned on their website that the hostel is fully furnished(yeah, I put my stuff in an invisible cupboard everyday, and sleep on an invisible bed. How charming! )
On one side, this place has helped me in my personal growth and on the other, its the reason of a constant disappointment, rage, depression, frustration and all other such
ugly emotions- you name it!
I’m tired of this city, I’m tired of this place. Islamabad was heaven compared to this hellhole here! I wanna go back, so badly!
Waiting for any such miracle!
I must go. I’m so exhausted :/
As for these relentless people- will see you guys in front of Allah! He will see to your injustice there and then.
May Allah help save us all from such hypocritical lot, that comprises my university management.

P.S: Dear Islamabad, I miss you so badly and I would try my level best to come back soon ❤

Diary Entry: SIST 2016


Dear diary,
SIST2016 starts today, in sha Allah! I couldn’t resist coming back here, to my beloved Islamabad. As soon as the air of my beloved city entered my lungs, I felt as if I’ve been shaken awake from a very deep sleep!
I never knew I would be that happy to come back here. The Euphoria won’t go even though, at the back of my mind I know, this time, winning in a competition, is close to impossible. I haven’t done it before and I haven’t prepared for it either. But just being in Islamabad, has filled me with such tremendous joy, which I can’t even explain in words!
There is something nagging at the back of my mind-my love life, or lack thereof, sucks, BIG TIME! I know I will worry about it, obsessively think about it, but the thoughts of it, I have saved for later. I don’t want to put lesser effort than I actually can, into the work I have to do. So, tension is a big no.
People used to say, a heart in love, does crazy things. I personally think it to be nothing but crap. But recently, my heart’s been giving me subtle ultimatums. I’ve been experiencing “Arrhythmia,” Most frequently “Tachycardia.” Thanks to House M.D, I have learned the terms and now I know their meanings as well. I’ve been trying not to take any kind of stress but getting rid of love for someone, from your heart, is a very difficult feat. And I don’t love, I melt in love. It’s not just a deep feeling but a way of life. It courses through my veins, keeps my heart beating. And sadly enough, these are not just plain words. I would, if I ever get a chance, die for the one I love. She’s a lucky one, whoever is getting him, without any efforts. I wish I could envy her. But I just can’t. He’s not written in my fate as my partner, it’s not her fault that he’s written in hers.
Anyway, I must go, have some rest. It’s a big day today, just waiting to happen!
And I’m not even prepared for the competitions yet :/

P.S: I miss a very dear reader of mine- Muneera from Occupied Kashmir. Girl, wherever you are, I hope you are in the best of your health and that you can get in touch soon!
Love

Me.

Diary Entry: I’m on Cloud Nine….


Dear diary,
I shared the best moments with a long lost friend last night. After such a long time, I could see her in that conversation and no doubt that time we spent talking,was a time best spent.
Sometimes things like that, make you realize, how much you miss the true people in your life. How much they mean to you. I still miss all the best times I had with her. She was my Ronald Weasley and I was her Harry Potter(mainly because the scar I have on my forehead 😉 ) Now those were some great moments we shared.
Aaaah, the nostalgia!
Today, I went to centaurus and guess what, Four happened!
Photo0038

And, honestly, I’m in love again!
Even though, I still hate the Allegiant ending, or his real name (Tobias-the way it sounds :p ) or the tattoos on Tobias’ back(a big disappointment there- in motion picture), the fact that the author destroyed the whole romance by killing the spirit of the whole series and justifying it with whatever great purpose she thought it would serve, but when it comes to Four the Character or Theo James the actor……. Hes Perfect!!! Almost seems as if she saw the guy first and made an exceptional character out of him next.
Did I say, I am in love???!!!
Ahem,I can barely contain myself,now that I have my own copy of Four.
I wish my mid terms weren’t starting so soon. The “soon” being Monday. I would’ve read the whole book by then :/ Seems like it would be my companion of journey back home,next week 😀 Still, I wont let this news mar my high spirits.
Anyway, I was about to watch The Counselor. Seems like it would be good. I’m not entirely sure though.
Have a quiz tomorrow but hell, I don’t wanna open my lectures right now.

See ya!

Diary entry 99


Dear diary,
A special day is about to start. Oh,no,I’m not talking about my exam. How can I feel good about an exam :-/ As if life isn’t a big exam itself. . . .
Anyway,its my beloved Ginny’s birthday.
A quick glance at the beautiful past-our past-and I can’t stop myself from wanting to relive to imperfect yet most “perfect” moments of my life.
Our story started in grade 9. I used to (pretty much) keep to myself most of the time even then. Reading Harry Potter novels during lunch break,in class,eating my lunch,while all the class fellows used to go out and have fun. She was new in class. She used to stare at me from a distance wondering. . . . .
Then one day she finally came to me during break and asked me what I was reading. It was Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix,I told her. She asked me,how do I stay so quiet all the time?Don’t I have any friends in class?My answer was simple. “Everyone is my friend here.Just not best friend.I don’t make best friends anymore.”
What a lousy start,right?! But who knew it would be a start of something so new,so powerful. Who knew,she would be the friend I have always wanted,the friend I have always needed!
Yes,she stayed with me,all those years.In happy times and in moments of my demise-holding me,hugging me close. She was the one,who never said no. The only regret I have in my heart is that when it was time of her need,I was not anywhere to be seen.I had already left for Islamabad. And she didn’t say a word. Not even when she needed me the most. I wish I was there,now more than ever.
Anyway,this post is meant for my lovely Ginny. Many Happy Returns Of The Day Sweetie!!!
You hold a big portion of my heart,now and forever!!!
*lotsa warm hugs for you*

Love,
Me.

Diary entry 86


Dear diary,
Its been a fun weekend. I sneaked out of my hostel to go to my bestie’s place. Babies here are so damn cute. One in particular,the smallest one,who keeps smiling at me and when I call his name he just laughs and becomes shy. Love it!
Miss my own family seeing all this love in the air but seems like I wont be getting a chance to meet them before my finals end.
Went to a seminar on Wednesday in my university where I had the time of my life. And today I was bombarded with lots of questions from the head organizer of that seminar. Things she wanted to know,that didn’t concern her even in the least. And I just told her to back off. If someone needs to talk to me they better come to me directly. I don’t have patience to entertain messengers.
Gawd!!! She messed up with my mind and irritated the hell outta me.
But like I said before,what doesn’t kill you,makes you strong.
Anyway,having a lot of fun with my bestie. Glad to have come to her place.
And glad to have your cheerful usual self back.
Girl,you rock this world!!!
Love ya into bits and pieces

P.S:Thanks for not letting tensions take hold of you and showing me your “bestest”side there could ever be 🙂
Love.