You Did Not Die Alone, You Took A Part of Me With You!

I could not stop- I could not stop myself from writing and I still can’t stop crying. It’s Tuesday, December 16,2014; a day that never failed to hurt us, as a nation and as one People. It’s a day, that world saw the two parts of Pakistan finally break into two sovereign nations and it’s a day which saw countless little kids losing their precious lives.
How could I stop? How could I not say a word on this whole massacre of innocents in Army Public School And College, Peshawar? I have a long History with Army Public School and College. It’s the name that became my introduction 20 years ago. It’s the name that makes the feeling of love bubble in my chest. It’s a name I call my own! And it’s a name I would lay my life down for!
It’s a day when so many innocent kids met their unfortunate end by bullets fired on their heads. It’s a day when being an Army Brat makes me proud of myself. For we are not cowards! We take bullets in our chests,we don’t turn our backs and run away!
Oh,it breaks my heart even to think of what their parents would be going through,right now. It’s not easy, to have to bury your child. It’s never easy to see your siblings go 6 feet down and under…..
My little brother and sister,they are still going to Army Public,even though, I know, my school and college have been threatened countless times,when I was still a student. The pictures circulating on the internet(which I won’t attach here),one picture resembles my little brother so much that it gave me creeps.(My family is safe Alhamdulillah!)
On one side I’m crying for the little brothers and sisters I lost today and on the other, I’m actually glad that it wasn’t in my city pr my siblings. My siblings were not in the place of those unfortunate souls. Does that make me any selfish? I wish people would stop posting emotional stuff on social media. It’s so depressing. I’ve been crying for past 3 hours and I can’t stop.
But being a Muslim, I do believe, and it’s my duty to say it out loud, that NO MUSLIM CAN KILL INNOCENTS. IT’S AGAINST  THE TEACHINGS OF ISLAM. NO ONE CAN KILL IN COLD BLOOD AND THEN CLAIM TO BE A MUSLIM. Call me naive or whatever, but my Muslim brothers can’t kill other Muslim brothers. And I don’t care what the brutes of other worlds say about my religion and my people, what I know about my people, they don’t! It’s easy to talk with their big mouths from far away, it’s so difficult to endure. The loss we had today shows that Muslims are not the Terrorists,as portrayed by the whole stupid media, we are the VICTIMS! The flower buds we lost today,before they could even blossom, are the living proof of that!

Diary entry 55

Dear diary,

There’s been a slight situation. A man who worked with my father vanished with 22 lac Rs and my brother just left his university to help my father recover the money. I might be on the brink of leaving the university too-nobody is saying that but I feel so bad.

My fee for the semester is yet to be paid. Yeah, it’s a big problem but it’s surely not bigger than Allah(SWT) and His power. Before leaving for home he told me not to worry. I’m not worried in the least. It’s just that I can’t control my thoughts. My mind reminds me again and again of the present situation. I’m writing here because I think it might help me in putting a stop to my thoughts. Off course I believe in Allah (SWT) that’s why I’m not tense. I know this situation would pass (In Sha Allah) and soon.

Anyway, I’m sitting in Al Huda library and writing from there. Yes, whenever I need some peace of mind, this is the first place I come to. And I totally love it here. My work in IT department is progressing slowly but I’m happy that I came here when I did.

After two weeks of bed rest, when I first came here, everyone asked me if I attended the lectures of Dr. Tawfiq Choudhary who visited Pakistan and Al Huda. I said no. And then they would tell me that the lectures were amazing and that I missed a LOT. I’m happy that I stumbled upon one of those recorded lectures when I was about to start my work here(perks of working with the editing crew 🙂 ). So I took my time and listened to what he had to say. And I have to confess, he’s an amazing speaker.

The topic of his talk was about the Judgment day scenario. He started by saying that he’s a medical Doctor who deals the emergency cases and that in his whole life as a doctor, he has never seen a single patient who died an “easy death.” Some people go fighting, some in pain, some wanting to live a little longer and no one actually ready to move on to the next world.

Death is not easy but why do we fear it so much? Why don’t we ever wanna die?

According to him, our hearts are filled with the love of this world that makes us stop wanting to meet our Creator.

There were some things that I learned today that I didn’t know even after studying the whole Qur’an with translation and explanation. I would love to share them here too.

  • We’ll have our intelligence in our graves too. Imagine thinking about the past – OUR past and the future, while lying in the grave……
  • Angels would come with the news of the happenings of the world to inform people of the graves.
  • Resurrection of corpses on the Day of Judgment would take place after Allah would soak our graves with rain. I was trying to imagine the scene and the picture that came into my mind was…..hand coming out of the grave and then slowly, the whole body coming out…….(yeah I thought of vampires and zombies :p )
  • Sky would be multi-coloured.
  • Earth would be smooth and white like flour and shiny like Silver.
  • The things that people steal in this world, they would carry them on their backs on the Day of Judgment.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking right now? Yeah, help comes from Allah (SWT) just when you need it. I’m happy I listened to that lecture today and I’m happy to know that justice would be served, be it here or in the hereafter.

Anyway, I have an assignment to make and two quizzes to prepare .So see ya soon In Sha Allah!

P.S: My plate is so full tonight so there is something related to Psychology that I wished to write but it will have to wait for now.

Learn From The Best

When you are hurt by people who share the same blood as you, then just remember Yusuf (Alaihi Salaam), who was betrayed by his own brothers.

If you find your parents opposing you, remember Ibrahim (Alaihi Salaam), whose father led him to the fire.

If you are stuck with a problem where there’s no way out, remember Yunus (Alaihi Salaam), stuck in the belly of a whale.gif

If you are ill & your body cries with pain, remember Ayoob (Alaihi Salaam) who was more ill than you.


When someone slanders you, remember Ai’sha (RadiAllah anha) who was slandered throughout the city.


When you’re lonely, recall Adam (Alaihi Salaam) who was created alone.


When you can’t see any logic around you, think of Nuh (Alaihi Salaam) who built an ark without questioning.

Allah (Sub’hana wa ta’ala) put these Prophets to trial, so that later generations may learn a lesson of patience & perseverance.

May Allah give us right perspective & understanding… Ameen


Courtesy:Al-Huda Institute, Canada



You never know how things would turn

Today proved to be a longer day than I actually anticipated.Had a class at 08:30 and the teacher didn’t show so I spent my time doing the assignment that was due today and I was neglecting it from past whole week.I still had some time left until the next class so I started playing a game on my cell.Thats how pass my time mostly-playing games,reading e-books or the actual paper and cover kind of books or thinking about stupid ideas . . . . of course the list goes on.Teacher came at 10:00 and my 2nd class(according to timetable)started.After one and a half hour of introduction of law class,my stomach was growling.the teacher was taking attendance and I was trying to decide what would I eat when I finally go free when our CR entered the class and announced:

“It’s a message from head of department that at 11:30,you all have to assemble and head to the auditorium for a seminar.Its compulsory and your attendance would be marked.”

Aww,c’mon!I haven’t eaten anything in-lets say AGES!

(Yeah,I went with an empty stomach today-so my protest was my right)

Anyway,I want to the auditorium and found myself a place.When the seminar started,the organizer came and you know what was her sentence was-thank you for accepting our invitation-REALLY!!!

No,I wasn’t furious of course.I love to attend seminars,though not on an empty stomach.

The topic of discussion was Pakistan today:challenges and responsibilities-hmmm,political aura-not something I have a liking for-but I kept sitting there anyway.Then I saw my university’s vice president and I knew that no matter how the other speakers do-this man’s going to make it a good experience and a memorable one.And I was right.The man certainly knows how to speak and win hearts!

While recounting from 70’s he said he met someone while visiting abroad.He  had two opinions about Pakistan’s future.The pessimistic one was that Pakistan would be worse and his optimism said that it would remain as bad as it was then.

Then he talked about the whole non-Muslim world talking that the biggest hindrance in Pakistan’s  development is Islam.He raised the question-Is our government really Islamic?Was it ever really Islamic?He took names of all the past rulers and the  facts were put open before our eyes-Wow,I never thought like that before.

The other thing the foreign media worries about is that Pakistanis don’t have their identities(I’m still confused about what type of identities).Who cares?A jobless old man would have the least care about his identity and for him the pressing issue would be how to get the food for the next time he’s hungry……..

The guest speaker gave an impressive talk too.His first action was objection of the topic itself.He said that instead of opportunities,we focus on seeing them as challenges.We need to change the way of our thinking.We have a lot of positives in us.Pakistan has the largest number of youth-and its a great blessing.Only if we learn how to direct their energies for a better cause . . . . .

We can’t say anything likewise about our rulers but the society of Pakistan has shown its strength from time to time.Look back to the time of earth quake of 2005 or the flood of 2010.We are that nation who has given space to our 1.7 million or more Afghan refugee brothers and we not only welcomed them but helped them mix in us so that we no longer feel like two different nations but one.We are flexible and a brave nation.The problem is our unending slumber.

We see what we want to see-this is one trick our mind plays with us.Which takes me back to the point from where I stated-A change of the way we perceive things!

Every person in the discussion panel gave excellent eye-opening points-in short they made it enjoyable,sometimes cracking jokes related to their point-I enjoyed the sitting fully.

At 02:00 I finally left auditorium and went to check if there was a slightest chance that my teacher was in class-SHE WAS!!!


Humph,Just my luck!

So I had to take in half hour of something alien because I just there and heard her voice staring blankly at her face.I still have no idea what she taught.While trying to write what she said,words kept on skipping my mind.Yeah I’m still trying to figure out what actually happened to me then.

Finally at 02:30 I came back to my room and now here I am,just finishing up an account of my day.


history repeats itself. . . . .

While reciting surah Al-Burooj today,my mind analyzing its translation,i tried to picture it and what came into my mind was the slaughter of burmese Muslims.isn’t that whats happening to them?and why-only because they they believe in Allah???!!!
وَالسَّمَاء ذَاتِ الْبُرُوجِ
By the heaven, holding mansions of the stars,
وَالْيَوْمِ الْمَوْعُودِ
And by the Promised Day.
وَشَاهِدٍ وَمَشْهُودٍ
By one that witnesses, and the subject of the witness
قُتِلَ أَصْحَابُ الْأُخْدُودِ
(Self-)destroyed were the owners of the ditch
النَّارِ ذَاتِ الْوَقُودِ
Of the fuel-fed fire,
إِذْ هُمْ عَلَيْهَا قُعُودٌ
When they sat by it,
وَهُمْ عَلَى مَا يَفْعَلُونَ بِالْمُؤْمِنِينَ شُهُودٌ
And were themselves the witnesses of what they did to the believers.
وَمَا نَقَمُوا مِنْهُمْ إِلَّا أَن يُؤْمِنُوا بِاللَّهِ الْعَزِيزِ الْحَمِيدِ
And they ill-treated them for no other reason than that they believed in Allah, Exalted in Power, Worthy of all Praise
الَّذِي لَهُ مُلْكُ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَاللَّهُ عَلَى كُلِّ شَيْءٍ شَهِيدٌ
Him to Whom belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth! And Allah is Witness to all things.


How we see history repeat itself today-to me its horrible to see those pictures and not being able to anything.And the thought that in their place it could’ve been me and my family haunts me.But I’m hopeful that the next part of this surah comes true too.That not only it comes true but soon-In Sha Allah!
إِنَّ الَّذِينَ فَتَنُوا الْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتِ ثُمَّ لَمْ يَتُوبُوا فَلَهُمْ عَذَابُ جَهَنَّمَ وَلَهُمْ عَذَابُ الْحَرِيقِ

Those who persecute (or draw into temptation) the Believers, men and women, and do not turn in repentance, will have the Penalty of Hell: They will have the Penalty of the Burning Fire.

إِنَّ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ لَهُمْ جَنَّاتٌ تَجْرِي مِن تَحْتِهَا الْأَنْهَارُ ذَلِكَ الْفَوْزُ الْكَبِيرُ

Surely (as for) those who believe and do good, they shall have gardens beneath which rivers flow, that is the great achievement.

إِنَّ بَطْشَ رَبِّكَ لَشَدِيدٌ

Truly strong is the Grip (and Power) of thy Lord.


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