Diary entry 99

Dear diary,
A special day is about to start. Oh,no,I’m not talking about my exam. How can I feel good about an exam :-/ As if life isn’t a big exam itself. . . .
Anyway,its my beloved Ginny’s birthday.
A quick glance at the beautiful past-our past-and I can’t stop myself from wanting to relive to imperfect yet most “perfect” moments of my life.
Our story started in grade 9. I used to (pretty much) keep to myself most of the time even then. Reading Harry Potter novels during lunch break,in class,eating my lunch,while all the class fellows used to go out and have fun. She was new in class. She used to stare at me from a distance wondering. . . . .
Then one day she finally came to me during break and asked me what I was reading. It was Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix,I told her. She asked me,how do I stay so quiet all the time?Don’t I have any friends in class?My answer was simple. “Everyone is my friend here.Just not best friend.I don’t make best friends anymore.”
What a lousy start,right?! But who knew it would be a start of something so new,so powerful. Who knew,she would be the friend I have always wanted,the friend I have always needed!
Yes,she stayed with me,all those years.In happy times and in moments of my demise-holding me,hugging me close. She was the one,who never said no. The only regret I have in my heart is that when it was time of her need,I was not anywhere to be seen.I had already left for Islamabad. And she didn’t say a word. Not even when she needed me the most. I wish I was there,now more than ever.
Anyway,this post is meant for my lovely Ginny. Many Happy Returns Of The Day Sweetie!!!
You hold a big portion of my heart,now and forever!!!
*lotsa warm hugs for you*


Diary entry 88

Dear diary,

Presentation went great alhamdulillah! Our teacher loved it and some class fellows were actually listening too :p
Dearie,I have so many mixed thoughts about my (not so secret any more)endeavor.Should I continue on my journey or should I take a break?Should I be even using evil means to eradicate an even bigger evil?
Well,I know evil can’t eradicate evil.So I’m going to ask Allah (SWT) for guidance in this matter. I’m sure He will guide me in the matter and won’t leave me alone. The things I did in past some days were kinda rash, I know it,I realize it. I was impulsive and this impulse could be the death of me. I can’t remember any incident in my past that was based so strongly on impulse. I mean I didn’t have to think about dealing with such a feeling. But just this one came and kinda shocked me and people around me. Yup,I asked myself “What the hell was I thinking?”and so did my friends. I know they still can’t believe I can be such a rash person. . . .
Anyway,my bestie yelled at me again today. And in my desperation and my little moment of weakness,I missed one good friend that I lost in the past who was a good listener. Yeah,I kinda grew sad and then had to slap myself back to present. I’m okay, with occasional feelings of emptiness but then my friends still come to my aid and fill in the gaps. I’m happy and I’m blessed with loving and loyal friends. So what if they sometimes yell at me because they think I messed up again,they do it because they care.
I knew it when my bestie yet again came to my aid. Maybe it was a subconscious gesture when she saved me yet from another trouble but felt to me like the effort made on a very conscious level. In that single moment I felt so special and loved,I can’t even express in words.
And so is this overwhelming feeling as I write these words remembering whatever her way of showing care for me was. I wanna come over and give you a big warm hug dearie!


Diary entry 28

Dear diary,

Home at last 🙂

I want to dedicate this post to my teddy bear. I miss you already, but its time for real hugs. My little sister slept after waiting for a long time. Wasn’t able to meet her, but its okay. I’ll have time in the morning. Looking forward to it.

Tired right now. Plus mum needs to sleep too and it’s not happening until I go to bed.

See ya asap 🙂

That “Teddy-Bear-Hug”

Even the puppies that play together,are difficult to separate.The horse that you take care of,loves you so much that it gives in to its beastly instincts and become sincerely attached with you.The pigeons you keep as your pets,after some time they come back flying to you even when you open their ways to the vast skies.

So all the affiliation and affections count in our relations.

We meet and make memories together,we go our separate ways and BOOM!!! The memories remain but we no longer know each other,like we did before. We no longer talk,we no longer laugh on the same stupid jokes,we don’t see each other so often now.We try to reason with ourselves – “Oh its nothing,it’s just that I’m changed,I don’t need that person and they ain’t gonna like this change anyway”.

But way deep inside we have this feeling –

“Whom am I kidding huh?This friend is too important to lose”.

One of us makes the first move and reach out to the other with open arms –

So we live in each other’s heart,till the death does us part!!!

This is one side of the picture-the perfect picture.But this isn’t the universal picture,or is it?

Certainly no!

‘Till the death does us part’
Funny,how we could’ve achieved this without any extra effort and yet,we didn’t!Because we were all busy in our own worlds



the chance got snatched away.So we walk on this world’s surface all ALONE waiting for a teddy bear hug from our once most beloved ones.So,we crave for their company,every passing second of our life.Regretting on what we lost and keeping our todays at a bay for regrets later in the life-for wasting those moments at hand.

Ask me about the craving-when I don’t have a clue as to whether my beloveds share the same misery as I-when I wonder how strong is their need-when I desire to see them smile at me,when I lie in my bed for most part of night thinking about them and when I start to put lesser and lesser efforts into my work-when I need a love-filled scolding dose . . . . . . . . .

Yeah,I itch for a scolding,a shaking and a forced waking up!!!

Ask me how painful it is to long for that one embrace which shouts

I LOVE YOU. . . . .

OH I MISSED YOU SO. . . . . .



Just one smile,just one little peck,just a single hug – and there’s no stopping me – I can face the world and all its hardships. . . . . .

All I need is “You”, beside me – and I cease to care for anything else.

A hand of friends and family,a gentle push,a pat on the back is enough to make the difference in the whole world.And most anticipated is the hug when you return all victorious –

Nothing can take place of that one TEDDY-BEAR-HUG!!!

on my way again

A lump in my throat,

tear glands at their ready.

Eyes closed,

lying on my back;

I miss my home.

A backward glance,

upon all memoirs,

now my heart aches,

for the sweetness again;

I miss my home.

No arms around me,

no comforting hugs.

No ringing laughter of family-

void and solitude;

I miss my home.

Amidst of nowhere,

missing the feel of belonging somewhere,

the satisfaction of being home.

But with a brave face on;

I miss my home.

With a burden in my heart,

and efforts to avoid turning back,

once again I’m on my way,

to a place far away.

But oh my home,

I miss you so much!!!

I miss you . . . .

I was crying uncontrollably,aching for an arm to lessen my pain with a simple hug.to show a bit of affection.I was wounded inside.How is it so easy for people to just turn away and forget those who love them so dearly?how do the discarded ones keep themselves upright and going?maybe I was new to this emotion so I didn’t know how to handle.So once again I was lying on my bed like a retard,celebrating my misfortune,with no one but tears of agony and an excruciating pain of being rejected tearing me from my inside.
I gasped for air . . . . . . . .

Lying here,in the darkened room,

craving for a soothing embrace,

tears through my stinging eyes,

longing for your shoulder,

with pain tearing me apart,

suppressing the urge to scream,

dunno how long can i brace myself.

it’s a sharp killing blow.

I never meant for you to go!

but you left without a backward glance

was it all pre-planned my love?

no good-bye,no hug,no other chance!

but I still can’t get over you.

missing you honey,

missing you so much!!!

Come sleep come!Please dont take so long now.And why don’t you call your sister along-a peaceful death for me!!!
and sleep didn’t wait for long.soon I was buried deep under its charismatic charm,tired and aching.

I woke up with a new start.my cell phone was ringing somewhere near me.I tried to sit but my head spun and there was a throbbing pain in my head.my eyes were still hazy but my ears were still working.And that’s when I heard my door closing.”Who’s there?”,I called.My glasses!Where are my glasses?My mind was fully awake now.But my eyes were blind in the darkness.But where are my glasses?I tried to find them on my bedside table but-nothing!but I would be even more blind without them,as if that were possible in the first place!

My head was better now so I took off the bed to search my glasses.It felt like walking with my eyes closed.and surprizingly my own room seemed like . . . . . I don’t know what’s the right word . . . .maybe-changed.
That’s when I bumped into something that wasn’t there when I slept.So it was time for me to panic.Frantically,I turned and asked a bit louder,”Who’s there?”
Nobody bothered to answer.But I felt something brush my body,and before I could react,two strong arms held me in a crushing embrace and a familiar voice whispered in my ear,”Happy Birthday,Love!”
One moment I was tense and the other moment I was hugging back.Tears of realization washing all the pain I had experienced.
He stroked my body with gentle hands,caressing and comforting.
My hubby knows how to comfort me.He’s got the best skill in handling me!!!