Diary entry 78

Dear diary,
I consider myself very lucky in “friend department.”You tell me,wont you be happy if there were people who actually cared what happened in your life?Oh no,I’m not talking about parental kinda supervision or even worried siblings.Its my friends.They genuinely worry about me.No matter how much I try  to tell them,that there’s nothing to worry about.There aren’t many things that have the power to make me hurt.I know perfectly well how to keep my distance.Why do you people burn your calories?There is nothing to sweat about,really!

If there are a few things to upset me,then you are there,right?! Plus have I ever been stuck on something disturbing for more than a day or two?I recover,right?! I hold and shake myself.I put on a brave face and move on,all the while fighting with my personal demons.You know,your being there for me when I need you,is the biggest help one can provide.And since there is no permanent damage,so I’d say,all is well that ends well 🙂

Wow!Its like I’m shouting out to my friends more than talking to you today,dear diary.Its true!A friend just told me,its good to let go.That’s what I do.All the negative energy I ever encounter,I try to channel it into positive energy.Helping others is just a way to do it.And I slip sometimes,because I’m still learning how to do it right.I feel like myself,like the emptiness,the void is somehow filling itself.I heard,nobody is selfless,well I guess,its true.I do it for myself,for my own peace of mind and satisfaction.It feels so good,like the  happiness of the whole world has gathered in front of me at that particular moment.It feels like I was born to do just that.

Guess,the fight just never ends there.Its constant,coming back with more force than the last time.But the trick is to keep standing,no matter how much wounded you are.And believe me,nothing heals you more than the satisfaction of being useful in this world somehow.

You wanted to know why,well you know now.And as far as I’m concerned,there’s nothing out there that can permanently damage me,as long as I’m a warrior inside,wont you agree?Plus,hardships come in life to make one strong.You wont find me to be a coward,no matter what.I’ll always be there to strike back,for this is who I am.And I’m not afraid of what life might bring me next.If life comes hard,I’ll be harder.

Anyway,Its my friend’s birthday today.Wish we could meet up as I wanted to make it as special as that friend is 🙂
But here I am,doing what I do best. . . .

GAWwwD!I wrote so much tonight,what’s got into me?!

Oh,and before I go,I’m going to post that incomplete composition in it’s still incomplete form.For a friend once said,”Some things are best when incomplete”

Coming up next. . . . .


Never the same,my friend!

Friendship is born when one person says to another,”What! You too?I thought I was the only one . . . .!”
-C.S Lewis

Life with you was so sweet and so perfect that I didn’t have to worry about all the bad stuff.Because I had you beside me-and it felt more than enough!It felt as if I can face the world-I can stand boldly.

You don’t say a word anymore and it feels like something precious is lost.It feels like life is slipping through my fingers and I can’t do anything to stop it.I feel so alone at times that I hate myself.

Why wouldn’t you talk?

Why this cold shoulder?

I ask myself everyday,did I do something wrong?Am I the reason that you are so silent?

You know what!it seems like I’m entering a black hole.Like everything is stretching-the time,my misery-like there would be no turning back until you came and held me together.Until you stopped me from shattering.

Well,believe me I rebuke myself all the time.Why do I even bother to let people within the range of breaking my heart in the first place?And why do i even bother to mention things that you don’t even seem to care about any more?

Did I tell you that your presence used to inspire me to do things I would never have tried otherwise?You are a real force of nature-the very hope itself.

But no matter what I think,life does move on,crushing our little dreams and taking away the things we hold most precious to us.Yeah,life is hard and ruthless.But where it takes away so much from us,I gives something new too.Sometimes we are too busy to see it and sometimes too broken to care.But life does give us a chance.Some of us grab it and some just sit and mourn over the loss.

I try so much to move on-make new friends and be happy again.And I did actually find a really good friend too-but now I realize-it could be never same without you!