Happy B’day Chloe!


Yesterday I was there, tomorrow I may not.
The times we made up, the times we fought.
My life is just a reflection,full of your affection.
I’d spend hours,In those memories, lost.
I’ve known no passion greater than yours.
I’ve seen no better friend.
Time may be measured in seconds and hours
But your love has known no end.
Its hard to say in words how I feel.
A broken heart I will never tend.
As long as I have you close,
Of being happy I never have to pretend.
So much to say, so much is felt,
Mere thoughts of you and my heart melts.
Lucky as I am, to have seen, to have known
Your beauteous heart, a face set with frown.
The tantrums you throw, the fights you take on
So full of life, my heart you’ve won.
Love you with your good and bad.
Such pleasure with you I’ve always had.
No matter how much life keeps us apart

index
Be assured you’ll always be in my heart!

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Diary Entry 127


Dear diary,
it’s almost 10 pm but seems like it’s already past midnight or so. I miss Goldie but she’s in her other friend’s room. Life’s good. We had a party in our class today. There’s this teacher who, even after being informed of our plans just was so reluctant to give us some time for ourselves. I mean, her concern is kinda overwhelming. But I can’t say anything bad about her. I mean, she’s such a sweet teacher. She’s perhaps the only teacher in our whole department who still thinks something positive about our class, who defends us. And, I like it that she actually tries to tolerate us. I mean, not that we are some unruly little beasties but still. Other teachers don’t like us very much. So this is saying something I guess. (I just realized I am practically babbling by the times I used the words “I mean.” WOAH! )
Oh dear! Look at me, I’m all softie softie inside after watching a cute sentimental comedy :p yeah, even I don’t know what it is that I’m actually trying to say here. And of course I have Arijit Singh on again :/
No, I’m not breaking down, I’m okay. I really am. I just feel like dancing. And I don’t know how to dance. There’s this whole energy coursing through my veins that I wanna get rid of. And Chloe isn’t here! (*The real issue*)
Okay, I suck at letting people know my feelings and I totally hate myself for that. I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that if they really love me, they won’t be bothered by me blabbing about anything I feel. I just CAN’T! You know, I’m what’s wrong with the whole wide world!!! I’m what’s wrong with this whole picture. I hide, I shun, I shut people out, I push them away. And what’s even worse is that I do it on purpose :/
I sometimes ask myself, why can’t I just be happy over silly things like everyone else does???!!! Why do things seem to have more effect on me than anyone else? I’m not a worrier, Goodness, I’m a WARRIOR!!! Why do I have difficulty getting hold of my emotions sometimes? Hell, no, I’m not worried about my past or future. It’s my present that irritates me. I wanna move and yet I lie under my sheets and watch movies, play word games, listen to one song a million times and more!
Oh yes, not to mention the yelling inside my little head. Now that I come to think of it, it’s not-so-little head. It’s got enough space to handle big crisis, for crying out loud. I yell, I snap at people, I feel like slapping them silly sometimes, I even murder them, a thousand times, in my head. I plan stuff, some very serious and dangerous stuff, I’m so calm while I take the war-front, HELL, I fight the battles of others for them and yet, what makes me insane, what drives me mad and what pushes the wilder part of me out is just a little bit of winter gloom. How’s that for a punch in the gut?! Aaarrghhh…..
Okay, okay, okay, I’m talking too much, then again, maybe not. For once in almost forever, I’m actually writing whatever is crossing my mind. I’m letting everything out. Because, even though I don’t want to say it out loud, I’m tired. I hate to admit it, but one part of me wants to quit and then there is this one other, much bigger part of me that has a frown on and wants to strike back, real hard!!!
And I guess, in the end this bigger part will win, like always, no questions asked.
Dear diary, I was so fixated on people in my life. But I’ve literally stopped caring, for some at least. It feels really great. It liberated me. And then again, I lose and find myself every day and life goes on……
Enough said for tonight I guess. Back to my boring routine slash the exciting world in my head 😉

P.S: I started writing this post around 10 but midway, Chloe came in. Didn’t wanna change anything that I initially wrote. So, here it goes 🙂

Gutentag

Diary entry 15


Dear diary,

A new roommate came today.She seems as quiet as I am mostly.Seems nice though I haven’t tried to even see what she looks like and I still don’t know her name.What is with me???!!!I just don’t understand why I’m sitting with my laptop writing this post when I should probably go and talk to her or maybe make her comfortable.And here I am texting my friend and listening to my play list plus writing in here.Mum is so right when she says I’m so anti-social but I don’t know how to improve this one thing.

The Kenyan roommate I have,even her presence in the room has started to irritate me.I dunno whats happening to me.Feels like I’m going completely insane!

I better start working on this issue or I’d actually end up being insane instead of helping the disturbed!

Dear diary,my visual creativity is reaching its climax these days and it’s almost painful to try to control it but of course I can’t let it run wild.Maybe this is one of the reasons I don’t feel like myself these days.I’m trying,I’m trying very hard actually!but its difficult and draining.

I just need some time and I’m sure this condition would pass.

Time to go,

See ya 🙂

Never the same,my friend!


Friendship is born when one person says to another,”What! You too?I thought I was the only one . . . .!”
-C.S Lewis

Life with you was so sweet and so perfect that I didn’t have to worry about all the bad stuff.Because I had you beside me-and it felt more than enough!It felt as if I can face the world-I can stand boldly.

You don’t say a word anymore and it feels like something precious is lost.It feels like life is slipping through my fingers and I can’t do anything to stop it.I feel so alone at times that I hate myself.

Why wouldn’t you talk?

Why this cold shoulder?

I ask myself everyday,did I do something wrong?Am I the reason that you are so silent?

You know what!it seems like I’m entering a black hole.Like everything is stretching-the time,my misery-like there would be no turning back until you came and held me together.Until you stopped me from shattering.

Well,believe me I rebuke myself all the time.Why do I even bother to let people within the range of breaking my heart in the first place?And why do i even bother to mention things that you don’t even seem to care about any more?

Did I tell you that your presence used to inspire me to do things I would never have tried otherwise?You are a real force of nature-the very hope itself.

But no matter what I think,life does move on,crushing our little dreams and taking away the things we hold most precious to us.Yeah,life is hard and ruthless.But where it takes away so much from us,I gives something new too.Sometimes we are too busy to see it and sometimes too broken to care.But life does give us a chance.Some of us grab it and some just sit and mourn over the loss.

I try so much to move on-make new friends and be happy again.And I did actually find a really good friend too-but now I realize-it could be never same without you!