Diary Entry:Temper Tantrums


Dear diary,
I’m going back to the person I was six years ago. As much as I loved her, I don’t want her to take hold of me again. She was great and all but she was an extremely angry minor who used to run towards danger instead of running away from it. I think I’m losing the little control I gained with quite difficulty. ‘Cause that daredevil threatens to come out every single time a situation is a little annoying. It’s been messing with my head and my whole body. Every single time an anger fit strikes, I find my face go hot, heart ringing into my ears, heat radiating from me. I’m a hand grenade with its pin out. My head drums and blood pressure probably rises. It’s hurting me to be me…… I don’t know how long would I be able to not react in anger and damage the things I value in life. I don’t know how long it would take me to snap. I don’t want to snap!
I guess It’s the food here, or the water perhaps. Or I’m just being paranoid. I don’t know. I just had an almost fight with a friend and there is so much I wanted to say but if I hadn’t shut up, when I did, I’d probably be writing about how I lost a good friend today. I think he lost a major part of me today……
How do you know when to stop taking crap from people? how do you know when to stand up for yourself? You’d think I would know the answer, but honestly, I don’t! Yes, I have fought many times but I have never fought for myself before…… And apparently nobody would ever fight for me, except for me! It just making me think, either I’m not worthy enough that someone would fight for me, or nobody ever is! Whatever is the case, I’m not going to change the better part of me, no matter what crap people give me. If this lot, surrounding me, isn’t worth it, doesn’t mean no one in this whole world is worth it. I’m sure I will find someone who really deserves it, some day.
But I’m done taking crap from people- friends or no friends- I’m done!!!
The next time it happens, people would see that the girl behind all that care and smiles has a fierce side to her that no one can stand.
*sigh*
I don’t wanna do it, but I think I will have to….. It’s just not fair on me if I keep refusing to fight for my own self while I fearlessly go marching out to aid others in their fights.
I should probably go now. I’m cold again after so much heat. I need to cover myself up.

Sayonara!

The torch


The burning inside and the calm facade
Plenty of words behind a moral gate
Fighting for others,its my strength
People try to fix me but there’s nothing to fix
Maybe I am,the way I am
For a reason greater than me
A reason bigger than the eye can see
For I am the hope,I am the fire
I chose the path that I desire
Try if you must but I’m not going down
For every test I pass lifts me even higher
And one day,you’ll see,I’ll leave my mark
Not on this world but in numerous hearts
For one smile that I give,every tear I wipe
Can you blame me,for choosing this life?

Diary entry 64


Dear diary,

I’ve been fighting with some guys from my university(via Facebook),for past two days. I don’t get it, if you don’t have the patience and courage to listen,why say things that would make others mad? I mean,you make someone mad,be sure they would do a counter attack. Is this so difficult to understand? And believe me, guys burn up very fast(at least the ones in my uni do). It’s as if they ain’t human beings but gasoline waiting for a spark to ignite ’em. Fortunately,or unfortunately for them, I happened to be that spark 😉
And you know me, I never give up when I’m right.
Anyway, it was fun. Many came and went.
And then there is this one more thing. They have such a twisted sense of reasoning. tell them one valid point, and they would take the discussion from tying your shoe laces towards climbing Mount Everest.
Seriously?!
That’s all you can come up with?!
In such situations, I enjoy winning the arguments but I enjoy pissing them off more than any thing 😉

*sigh*
537225_495993270449992_393584958_nNo more comments for tonight :p

Chao!
P.S:Guys this isn’t a general post. My subjects are strictly some of my university mates(and some others too :p )