Diary Entry: A Dream Within A Dream

Dear diary,
last night I had a dream. A dream, I fell in love with!
I’m generally a daydreamer. I don’t dream with eyes closed, because I’m a deep sleeper. Well, I do, once in a blue moon. Last night was one such night. I was talking to some friends about meeting my guy in my dream. A guy,who is stuck somewhere in a tree or something, metaphorically of course. If not,then what’s taking him so long? Why wouldn’t he let himself be known to me? :/ I wasn’t really serious, knowing I don’t really dream with eyes closed. But I didn’t only meet my man, we got married in the dream. I still can’t get over the euphoria. I mean, me, dreaming is one slightly impossible thing. Me, dreaming about him is higher on the scale of impossible. But Me, getting married to the person I love(in fantasy) , even in a dream……..
A dream, within a dream….
I woke up, wishing, I hadn’t! I didn’t want to let go of his sight, just yet(now the face is hazy, almost vanishing :/ ). But I had to! A dream like that every night, and I would wish I sleep forever and ever more!
It’s not healthy, I know. But the feeling is just too intoxicating. I’m not such a big fan of marrying a person you don’t love. And my aims and aspirations aside, there is this one person, for whom I would give up my lifelong passions and aims if I have to. I don’t have any wish to hurry in getting married but that one person-if he is the one pulling the strings….. I guess I don’t need to finish the sentence.
My sister’s B’day is just around the corner. I have to work on project Surprise for her. I must go and start working.

Love happened anyway

It’s a dangerous path a friend said.
Don’t let love mess with your head.
I’ll be on my guard, I replied.
And I swear before God, I tried.
But love happened anyway!

It was all new and overwhelming
Beauteous became everything
Pleasures amplified ten folds.
One face, eyes wanted to behold.
Yes, love happened!

I would keep dreaming all day
No time to eat, no time to play.
Come home, my dear loved one.
My pride, happiness, my joy, my fun
Seriously, love happened!

What was yours is now mine
Heart so kind, beauty divine
Sunshine for smile, touch so tender
Warmth and life, your one glance render
Oh boy, love happened!

Where the flowers bloom

“You have to stand for the right thing,even if it means that you have to stand alone.”
The words still ring in my ears, the words of my “Introduction to law” teacher. I thought I knew what it meant. I thought I understood. But I couldn’t be more wrong. But today I know for sure how it happens. You keep your mouth shut and everyone likes you, the moment you object to something, you become the bad person. And YES, you stand alone,literally!
“Laugh and the world laughs with you.Cry and you cry alone!”
I couldn’t be more blessed than I feel right now. Every thing happening around me is giving me hints, what should I do, how should I deal with my current predicament. What should be my plan of action. I feel somewhat free, from the clutches of self-doubt and fear of rejection,my fear of losing people I love. It smells like salvation, like spring, like a chance to actually leave my stagnation behind and grow, a chance to spread my wings and fly away, a chance at happiness!

Coming back from market today just gave me this comforting idea. Roads are under construction near my university and most of the area has been dug out. But there,amidst the construction equipment and little places where there is still some part of mud visible, I could see flowers, in their full bloom. The flowers that grew on their own,without someone actually having to plant them. This got me thinking, if this isn’t a  sign, which miracle are you waiting for?
Now I know, why I am tried and tested every day, scratched and left to bleed every once a week. It has a higher purpose. I’m tested at every turn to prepare for the biggest and the most beautiful blooming, for the best spring the naked eye can witness. Oh sure, things get so hard once in a while, but if the end is good, who cares what happened on the way. After all,Earth doesn’t produce the best of its fruits without being prodded and poked. I get it now.
I wanted to go some place where the flowers bloom, where there is no gloom. What I failed to realize was that I was that place I was dreaming about. I was that place where I wanted to go. ME! The only miracle present here is my own self.
And you know what, I’m happy that I realized this finally!!!

And My Grief Became You!

A lost dream,before being realized
I felt helpless and my heart cried
An upset mind and a grieved spirit
What a twisted, miserable life!
You knew I wasn’t here to harm
I just wanted to help you heal
But now I know you’re a broken mirror
And I’m torn into pieces,left to bleed
Your shards,cutting deep into my heart
I saw you dying and embraced you tight
Heart-rending sight,unfortunate night
My muffled cries and agonized tears
As I lost you, my beloved baby. . . .
Torn from my arms and buried deep
Thoughts of you wont let me sleep
I ask myself, day in and day out
Who were you?What was all this about?
What I hear now,is silence of a tormented soul
All this fear and sorrow, eating me up,whole
As I lie on my bed,confused
Still thinking of you. . . . . . . .


A smile like waves in an ocean
A laugh, setting fire in water
Consuming me whole….
My body and soul…..
I wake up with a start; shaking
From my nightmare, that’s love
Destructive, combustible, chaotic
Joined with my name, this shame
Eating away my spirit, my bane
No help, no aid, no healing touch
Just pain and an everlasting wait….

Diary entry 70

Dear diary,

I know that I have officially become a person who would willingly starve her writer gene to death along with some other genes too. Before writing here, I must have asked myself a thousand times today:”Do I really need to write this?Do I really need to do it today?”

And,every time my inside would answer “Yes!”

My room has officially become a “battle field”,which I hate so much.Kenyan roommate is being stubborn and Pakistani one,a bitch.They don’t talk to each other,which by the way is fine with me because cold war is better than world war 3,or so I guess.But the next part of the situation-ugh!I hate it.Pakistani roomie wants me to cut off with Kenyan,that I’m not willing to do.So,she keeps on torturing me with her paranoid statements and tears.
*Somebody,get me out of here!!!*

I had a paper today,which went excellent Alhamdulillah! (thanks for asking).5 more to go.Had almost no sleep at night because my mind wont listen to me. Just when I tried to sleep,I heard a song that my roommate was listening to(i could hear it from my bed even though she had headphones on)and it started playing in my head.Now I don’t even remember which song it was.Anyway,as if that wasn’t enough,I had a very peculiar dream too.And to top it off,light went at 5,which,by the way,came back after 13 hours of ordeal.Yeah,my university is having major energy crisis.According to some girls,our transformer was being repaired the whole day today.I dunno if it’s just a rumor or a fact.Anyway,there’s been multiple strikes in both male and female campuses and those who had paper tomorrow,their paper has been postponed.Thank God!I didn’t have a paper tomorrow.Yeah,you must know by now that I hate it when papers take too long to end.And the light goes AGAIN!!!


I better go before I say something idiotic that I would regret.



Diary entry 42

Dear diary,

Today I had my first final exam and viva. I always rest properly before going for an exam but last night . . . . . even after going through everything and checking my writing stuff twice, when I hit the bed, I couldn’t sleep. You know I don’t usually dream and my sleep is kinda deep. Last night. . . . . I never stopped having dreams which were not at all related to my exam or studies or anything likewise. I tossed and turned all night and I wanted to kill myself there and then.

Both, exam and viva went superb (Alhamdulillah!) and I didn’t feel even a trace of fatigue when I woke up early for final revision, until late in the afternoon. I wanted to write earlier but couldn’t; now you know why.

Just woke up and feel hungry now 🙂

No promises of posting regularly in exams but I still hope to see you soon.


P.S: Need all the prayers I can get.