The Need, the Struggle, the Block!


A quote by D.W Winnicott is stuck in my mind right now. He stated, and I couldn’t agree more that “Artists are people driven by the tension between the desire to communicate and the desire to hide.” But when I try to analyze my own self through this criteria, I keep feeling that I have this need, deep inside to communicate. I didn’t use the word desire. I said “need.” Because, it sure feels like a need.

Yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with my teacher who said that I hide. I’m not very “talky, talky.” And to that I replied, I share but nobody listens. Is it not what happens all around us? Don’t you think that the need to say stuff and not being able to get it off your chest is one of the major reason that people sometimes snap?! Being a Clinical Psychology student, I have witnessed the struggle. Hell, I have struggled with this all my life and I still am struggling with the concept every day. At the end of the day, my mind keeps telling me, nobody cares and nobody listens so why bother?! And thus, a “Quiet-Me” comes into existence.

But if we stop for a minute, to listen to someone, who wishes to share something that may be very moot or pointless for us but very precious or important for the other person, then we might help in reducing the exponential increases in Psychological problems.

It takes courage for a person to reach out and voice their inner feelings. Believe me, I know the struggle! And sometimes, the person voicing those feelings doesn’t even need for you to give them a solution to their problem. They are merely in search of an attentive ear. Our Dean, today asked what could be done to reduce stress or anxiety or depression from our society. One very easy solution came into my mind. Talking less, Listening more! So why not Listen?!

And then comes the point where people don’t know how to differentiate between hearing and listening. We go out, there are multiple voices that our mind registers. Some of them we concentrate on and some of them we get so used to that we simply ignore or don’t think to be a big deal. That’s hearing. Listening on the other hand involves a little bit more effort from our brain. It requires attention and understanding or at least an attempt on understanding whatever is being said. That being said, Listen to people if they come to you for help. If you don’t, they might just block you out, never to try to be close with anyone again.

A little effort on our part can save a lot of lives!

 

Life….


Set it free, set it free,
Let the bird fly.
Let it soar high above
The limit is the sky.

Let it loose, let it loose,
Untie the mast.
Let the winds tease,
Move until it lasts.

Put it out, put it out,
Extinguish the fire.
So that you may rest,
Burn out the deepest desire.

Shove it in, shove it in,
Snub it, dry the tears.
Put on a brave face,
Fight now, all your fears.

And tired when you are,
And think world’s at its wit’s end
That’s the moment where life begins
Quit dying, live. Your life, go mend.

Diary entry 118


Dear diary,
I have opened and closed this blog for 4th or 5th time, every time with a mind to write something, anything. But every time, I closed it again. Not being able to make my mind is a torture really. Now, finally I’m here and I’m writing.
Dear diary, there is a tremendous weight on my shoulders. The two people close to my heart here in Islamabad wont just stop giving me a hard time. I have thought hard and for long hours but my heart(that idiot!) wont let me let go of any of the two. He wants to stick to them just like an afraid child clings to his mother. Pathetic, I know. But if was it ever so easy to make this stupid heart understand, I would’ve done the job already. It just wont listen to me anymore. Yes, it pisses me off big time. So much that instead of using my most usual word “yeah”, I used “Yes.”
I’m often greeted with hot flashes in my body these days than not. It’s difficult to know the cause since I’m someone who is effected by cold more than the hot weather. Probably its just hypoglycemia because none of the other possible explanations could be related to me. And then there is this feeling of uneasiness in crowded places. I recently learned it is called Agoraphobia. Agora is a Greek word meaning “a place where people meet.” So roughly its the fear of market place or crowded places. It may also include the fear of vast open spaces. Nope, I’m not getting better in Psychology. I gave an exam on Monday that kept me awake whole night. It was a subject called “Mental Health and Psychopathology 2.” An otherwise interesting subject but so much syllabus piled up that I could not enjoy it while preparing for it.
Hell,no! I don’t have Agoraphobia (thank goodness) I just feel slightly uneasy and out of breath in crowded places,that’s it.
My roommate’s body spray ended some days back,so my lungs are enjoying the little break they have right now. I hope she never brings a new one. Because she doesn’t use them like a normal human being. She practically takes shower in her body spray, almost choking me to death every time!
Anyway, I still have so many mixed feelings but my mind is a bit calm now. I don’t wanna lose any of the two people whom I call my friends,here in Islamabad. But I can do nothing about it,just pray silently and hope that Allah listens to them soon,that Allah sees my lips moving and understands what my heart wants,then give it precisely what it desires.
I have an urge to run, a craving. But at this hour, I wont find a space long enough and deserted enough to do it. I wish there was such a place,though :-/
Until we meet again!