nobody told me life would be easier. In fact they keep telling me about its difficulties, challenges, sorrows and hurts. Oh and being a girl is a challenge in itself. The unruly emotions and always a couple of degrees higher than normal creatures. Why do I feel the way I do? It’s my roommie’s B’day today. The one who died back in January. Her folks keep trying to contact me. The past keeps haunting me and the fact that I’m short of one sincere person in my life when that’s exactly what I need around me. There is so much hurt here,inside, that cannot be fixed with words i write or false utters of “everything will be okay!”
Nothing will be the same again, as if I don’t know that!
My little sister is sick. She’s been hospitalized and I’m unable to go home to tend to her or to relieve my mother’s distress. As if I was short of things to worry about! Migraine is back, the low moods, the temper tantrums, hating everyone around, the crying spells, the hours I spend, totally mute!
As if that’s not enough!
My aunt’s rabbit died today and I saw her in tears. That was the moment when I could put a stop to my own tears and get my action mode on. I buried the poor thing with my own hands! I can still feel the softness of its fur, rapidly losing its warmth. the blood oozing from its nose, its stoned grey eyes. And yet people think I can’t be on the front-lines! What they don’t realize is that my worries, my distress, my hurt vanishes when someone else is hurting. I forget my problems and focus on helping others get over theirs. This is who I am! A disaster through and through, sure! But this is something I would never want to change even in a million years!
Anyway, I do realize that my hurt hurts my aunt as well. Oh, she tries so hard to understand me. But she doesn’t know how much I hide inside, just like she does….. Guess, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
I should probably go and give her company. Shes hurting and I wont be here with her tomorrow.
University can go screw itself, I’m going home tomorrow in sha Allah!
Allah, save the Queen!
More later, if life permits!
P.S: The kids are back home. Another round of crying has started I should be off!