Diary Entry 132


Dear diary,
I dunno if I forgot to tell you that we have an evening semester this time with internship in the morning. Our department has totally gone crazy. We are getting piles and piles of assignments and presentations,some of them punishments for doing something and others,punishments for not doing something :-/ Seems like 3.5 years are enough to irritate the hell outta someone,or maybe our department people think so….
I’m this quiet,calm,collected and confident person outside, and inside, I’m totally freaking out!!! How am I supposed to get all the stuff done by the due date? Okay, fine, I know I can, if I put some effort but do I wanna put that effort? NO!!! I don’t wanna go outside my comfort zone even if its for the best. I don’t!
I don’t hate my department but I surely hate it’s people. Well, maybe Hate is too strong a word. Lets say, I don’t like them….I won’t be caught dead with them…. So I guess, it’s not really Hate :p
Sorry,I’m babbling again :/
It’s just that I don’t write very often any more and I totally miss it. So when I do, I tend to over talk a bit…..okay, a bit too much, but its okay I guess. It’s not hurting anyone and writing sets me free…..
My finals start on January 5,2015 and I’m kinda scared. No, things are not difficult but I’m so anxious these days. My internship date happens to be December 21,2014 and it wont really be useful for me in this semester but I’m gonna do it anyway, for experience. For the case reports, I’m glad that I went to CMH Sialkot when I did,for internship. It’s helping me a LOT.
And….. I miss my Psychologist! Right now, I’m missing her so much :/
Maybe, we’ll get to meet soon in sha Allah.
The only thing that keeps me going these days is the little bit of Qur’anic teachings that stayed with me. Especially the ayah in which Allah says that He never puts any burden on person who isn’t capable of bearing it. We are always judged with tests that are made with respect to our abilities. I guess, being in this university right now is my version of test. I’m just glad I don’t have too much time left here. And it also saddens me because I really loved the place and the “green buses”…. its only the people whom I don’t like and my dislike for them makes me bind sometimes and I think I hate my university. Th truth is, I don’t! If only there is some sort of dramatic change in our whole faculty,replacing old geysers(excuse my language, I’m not feeling really warm about my department people today :/ not proud of this word but I’m still gonna use it.) with brand new,more understanding staff members, it would be great, just about now!
Anyway, SIST 2015 is approaching way too quickly. I will have some days to memorize the required stuff after exams but I dunno how to feel about it just yet. I mean, I did mess up last time too…. I’m lucky that Allah still got me !st positions for both my categories. I’m not waiting for a miracle this time. I’m sure I will work hard when the time comes, in sha Allah.
That been said, I must leave now.

See you soon.
P.S:I know it would be soon(if life permits) because I’m most talkative in my exam season anxiety season ๐Ÿ˜‰

Diary Entry:I’m still pissed off


Dear diary,
the day before yesterday I woke up with a start. It was some kind of dream that woke me,when it started to go too wrong. Then yesterday,I woke up with another bad dream. The day before, when I woke up,I felt down and bad. No such thing yesterday,alhamdulillah! But I’m still pissed,at so many things.
1st being my internet connection. Its been a pain in the ass for past some days and just to get it to work properly,I had to try different things,which included making space on my hard drive to refresh my windows,which by the way went wrong. And later during my classes I kept thinking about how to fix it and whom to ask for help. I kept worrying. Alien buddy might be a computer whiz kid,but asking for help there was out of question. So I knew by the end of my classes that I had to do it on my own,somehow. With a racing heart,that wanted to drop out of my chest, I started working on it. And for the very first time,installed windows on my lappie,without any assistance. But I didn’t have time to feel accomplished. My roomie passed some comment which almost made me breathe fire….. well,almost….if I was a dragon,she would’ve been a roasted chicken by now. Anyway, I yelled at my other roommate,more than once and decided that I must shut up before things…and by things I mean my anger,got too out of hand. And then I found something that gave me a laugh. Its not something decent but I still wanted to share it. So here it goes:

images
It helped me a little bit. I started writing this post yesterday and had to leave it in the middle because of my class time. Didn’t get a chance to complete it because I was in such a hurry to come back from class,get ready to come to my aunt’s place. Now I’m here,sitting all alone,writing this,when everyone else sleeps. Its a blessing to get some “Me-time” at my aunt’s place because its as rare as having family time in hostel. Anyway, my aunt and uncle are going for Pilgrimage on Sunday,which is a great news,of course. This means I finally get to meet my grandpa after a long time(He’ll be here to see her off).
My application for internship in Armed Forces Institute of Mental Health(AFIMH) has been forwarded to General Head Quarters(GHQ) for approval. Fingers crossed!
The more I see how things are in AFIMH,the more I miss my Psychologist and calm and quiet,non-crowded Department of Mental Health in CMH Sialkot.
*sigh*
Guess,I’m not a big city,crowd loving person after all. I just don’t know how would I work in such a suffocating environment here. I’d probably have to take it as a big challenge. That’s one way of actually getting through those days without suffocating myself half to death. But then again,I’m sure I’ll manage.
Anyway,Its late and I don’t wanna keep writing.

See Ya ๐Ÿ™‚

Diary Entry 122


Dear Diary,
I’m visiting my aunt’s place again. Seems like most of the time of this semester,I will be spending with her naughty,chatterbox kids. But I have come to love them so dearly. And we kinda,have grown closer. Even their little cousins look up to me and talk so animatedly with me. Yeah,the number of people who have started to take me as their role model is increasing day by day,even after me telling people not to do so. God save the Queen! I mean,taking me as a role model is kinda asking for trouble. I’m not that good a person. Ask people who have come to hate me or feel threatened by me. Yes,such people exist and they are increasing in number day by day. And whats even a bigger shocker is that they don’t even actually know me. Isn’t it great?! ๐Ÿ˜€ :/ Well,not really. I mean,I have awakened feelings of hatred or insecurity in people I don’t even know. And that too without trying.
So much has happened in these 3 past months. I met some very nice people and some tough loves ๐Ÿ˜‰ I went for an unofficial kinda internship in CMH Sialkot and enjoyed every single moment of it. My Supervisor,a Psychologist and Captain by post, I have come to love her for her beautiful and helping personality. Working in the field,I actually came to care more for my patients than I thought possible. But being objective is so very much important. We, as professionals can’t become crutches for our patients. The occasional shoulder to cry on(metaphorically speaking),is okay. But the concentration MUST be on making them capable to stand on their own feet again. Yeah,well,that’s the tough part. Most patients have chances of becoming dependent on their therapists. We’ll,I’m sure I will learn to avoid that from happening.
I taught Tajweed to almost 25 people at home and had an excellent result alhamdulillah. My chest swells with pride when I listen to them read Qur’an so beautifully. I learned 2 Surahs(i-e Chapters) of Qur’an and half portion of another one. Yup,I’m so happy about it ^_^
Well,since I came back,so much has happened. From crappy moods over the worst timetable ever to discovering that I’m page admin for a womanizer in making…..you name it! But since I stopped caring, I have been a lot more happier with my life. And I have been demoted to editor status from manager of IIUI Memes. But that’s more than okay with me.
Sometimes, I feel like I should’ve been a breakup therapist. I dunno how,but people seem to cross paths with me,more often than not,while trying to deal with their post-breakup downs. And guess what,I’m always happy to help.
A girl from occupied Kashmir,contacted me after reading my blog posts. Its nice to sometimes see my readers ACTUALLY trying to talk to me back. Its so refreshing and I always look forward to it ๐Ÿ˜€
Oh,and before I go,I would like to get one a little bit more off my chest.
“A liar always sees liars in every person he sees or meets. While a positive person always sees positivity around him. What you chose to become is what you see in others.”
Anyway,I must go now.
Its so awesome to be able to write once again.
*sigh*
I always miss the feel!

Gutentag for now ๐Ÿ˜‰