Diary entry 81


Dear diary,

My sleep cycle has gone awry again.My eyes keep hurting all the time.But other than that,life is pretty and smooth.I have completed the poem I wanted to post.Its in 2 parts.I have decided to name it “the Break up” (Yeah I know I suck at giving titles to my posts.)Anyway,I’m in mood today.So as soon as I finish this post,I’ll start on that one.And I should probably start working on it before I change my mind………

See ya again,soon!

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Diary entry 15


Dear diary,

A new roommate came today.She seems as quiet as I am mostly.Seems nice though I haven’t tried to even see what she looks like and I still don’t know her name.What is with me???!!!I just don’t understand why I’m sitting with my laptop writing this post when I should probably go and talk to her or maybe make her comfortable.And here I am texting my friend and listening to my play list plus writing in here.Mum is so right when she says I’m so anti-social but I don’t know how to improve this one thing.

The Kenyan roommate I have,even her presence in the room has started to irritate me.I dunno whats happening to me.Feels like I’m going completely insane!

I better start working on this issue or I’d actually end up being insane instead of helping the disturbed!

Dear diary,my visual creativity is reaching its climax these days and it’s almost painful to try to control it but of course I can’t let it run wild.Maybe this is one of the reasons I don’t feel like myself these days.I’m trying,I’m trying very hard actually!but its difficult and draining.

I just need some time and I’m sure this condition would pass.

Time to go,

See ya 🙂

say the words


Just say the words and lit the fire.

You want me gone-you horrible liar!

You think I can’t see,

your wariness from me?

I’m not the one that you desire.

Just say the words and lit the fire.

You think you know me

but the things have changed.

I’m not a fool,I’m not deranged.

I can hold myself together

and my need isn’t dire.

Just say the words and lit the fire!

I wont stay,I won’t tag along

long before you knew it,I’d be gone.

so stop pretending,end this suffering sire.

Just say the words and lit the fire!

Today’s that day


Sometimes when you think you’ve had enough in your life,life slaps on your face and says:
“Wake up you fool,its not even half of what I have in store for you!”
Sometimes when all things fall apart for you and there seems no reason for you to go on living,you cry.And suddenly you realize that it was only the tears that blurred your vision,that the world didn’t close on you but your own tears blocked your view.Once you let the hurt go,your eyes are clear to see new hopes,free to dream again.
Life has answers for everyone-its doors are open.
Everything moves in a continuous cycle of alternation that we call change.Why is it said that opportunity knocks on your door only once?Because that opportunity is a part of that change circle.It does come back,but you are no longer there.By the time it knocks again,its not your door anymore.Because just like the world,you move on.You flow with the flow of the world.
*sigh*
Still some days of my life-today’s that day-I wish for a miracle to happen in my life.I wish there was an option of resignation from the house chores.

Then surely,I would’ve been the 1st person to have resigned!

Go get a life people!!!


Looking at me,some people see a stern,proud and serious face most of the time(I’m not proud or stern in the least,this I assure you.).Yeah,I have a face-and its the not-so-serious-face too but I just don’t get why all people see is pride and seriousness in it.Yeah,I get it,I may not be in my best mood most of the time-though this isn’t true but still lets say for the argument’s sake that I’m in a crappy mood,but does it give you open permission to judge me huh???!!!

You may be amazed-what happened to her so suddenly-its not sudden at all.A cousin of mine endlessly taunts me about being proud-and it has gone from annoying to enraging!.I did ask him what his problem is-nicely at first,heatedly afterwards-but to no avail.Now,I’m getting used to the idea-SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE JUST TO MAKE YOUR LIFE A HELL!!!Just because they think you are awesome and better than ’em,they would hate you!

What disturbed me was that without even actually knowing me,he was so judgmental.

I know,I don’t talk much in crowds or when my elders are around.But I’m life of the party when with my friends and my most cousins.Just because I’m fierce in dealing with things that are wrong and people (kinda)fear my rage,doesn’t mean I’m the most rude entity on the face of earth.It certainly doesn’t mean you can’t get a chance to know me.

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE-I DON’T BITE!!!

And at last,to those jerks who try to judge me without actually trying to know me better first-you think I’m proud,SO BE IT!!!WOW-jealous much???!!!

I don’t care anymore!!!And yeah,I’d call a spoon a lolly-pop if I want to.Nothing I do or show is any of your business.In a toss if I say upon head I win and upon tail you lose,best not to argue-you ain’t winning.So,either you accept me the way I am,or get the hell outta my life.I’d live the way I want to-nothing you say or do can change that.

GO GET A LIFE!!!

I’d be the picture I paint myself.


I stopped talking a long time ago.Surprisingly people so try to change you for what you actually are.They won’t ever stop at anything.They want to see you the way they like to picture you.For instance,my mother wants to see me in pretty clothes,a great hair-do and makeover and stuff that all girls dream of all the time and put a lot of efforts into doing.Why is it so-I sometimes asked her and you know what she told me every time-that I want my children to look super all the time.I like to see you dress up.

When all I see is the wish that someday some guy would maybe love the looks of me and the great manners that she has taught me and ask for my hand in marriage and she’d marry me off with him(hah!that would remove some burden off her shoulders!).But would she stop for a second and ask me what I want?No!because I don’t think straight,do I?

So,this plan entirely goes down the drain because I’m not looking forward to marrying someone who doesn’t love me for me.I don’t want to give myself to someone who doesn’t knows the real me and claims to love the fake me-I WON’T!

And then there’s other people that come to know about my excellent mind-or so they say it.You are creative or at least try to be and people start thinking you can do anything-literally ANYTHING!!!

I couldn’t tell them that I wasn’t almighty but there was an almighty-so you can go to Him and ask for all the wonders you expect me to do for you!

In short,people-including my family,won’t give me a break so I decided that I didn’t want to take it anymore.

I had read somewhere:Silence is your best weapon!

And I don’t speak anymore.I don’t argue like I used to,no moot discussions any more.And let me tell you,I’m so happy since then.People did try to make me talk but I wouldn’t budge,Didn’t have it in me anymore.And then there came a time when I even forgot how my voice sounded.

Those who remember my voice say it was sweet as honey and melodious.But if embracing the silence means I get to shape myself as I wanted to be,’m glad I did what I did!

Finally I can paint my own image of what I want myself to look like.Finally I can fill my picture with the colours of my OWN choice!

 

I miss you . . . .


I was crying uncontrollably,aching for an arm to lessen my pain with a simple hug.to show a bit of affection.I was wounded inside.How is it so easy for people to just turn away and forget those who love them so dearly?how do the discarded ones keep themselves upright and going?maybe I was new to this emotion so I didn’t know how to handle.So once again I was lying on my bed like a retard,celebrating my misfortune,with no one but tears of agony and an excruciating pain of being rejected tearing me from my inside.
I gasped for air . . . . . . . .

Lying here,in the darkened room,

craving for a soothing embrace,

tears through my stinging eyes,

longing for your shoulder,

with pain tearing me apart,

suppressing the urge to scream,

dunno how long can i brace myself.

it’s a sharp killing blow.

I never meant for you to go!

but you left without a backward glance

was it all pre-planned my love?

no good-bye,no hug,no other chance!

but I still can’t get over you.

missing you honey,

missing you so much!!!


Come sleep come!Please dont take so long now.And why don’t you call your sister along-a peaceful death for me!!!
and sleep didn’t wait for long.soon I was buried deep under its charismatic charm,tired and aching.

I woke up with a new start.my cell phone was ringing somewhere near me.I tried to sit but my head spun and there was a throbbing pain in my head.my eyes were still hazy but my ears were still working.And that’s when I heard my door closing.”Who’s there?”,I called.My glasses!Where are my glasses?My mind was fully awake now.But my eyes were blind in the darkness.But where are my glasses?I tried to find them on my bedside table but-nothing!but I would be even more blind without them,as if that were possible in the first place!

My head was better now so I took off the bed to search my glasses.It felt like walking with my eyes closed.and surprizingly my own room seemed like . . . . . I don’t know what’s the right word . . . .maybe-changed.
That’s when I bumped into something that wasn’t there when I slept.So it was time for me to panic.Frantically,I turned and asked a bit louder,”Who’s there?”
Nobody bothered to answer.But I felt something brush my body,and before I could react,two strong arms held me in a crushing embrace and a familiar voice whispered in my ear,”Happy Birthday,Love!”
One moment I was tense and the other moment I was hugging back.Tears of realization washing all the pain I had experienced.
He stroked my body with gentle hands,caressing and comforting.
*sigh*
My hubby knows how to comfort me.He’s got the best skill in handling me!!!