Birthday

Happy B’day…..


To Me….

Or is it?! Is it really, if I don’t have anyone to share it with?!

With all the wishes swarming my way from yesterday up till now, I’ve felt more down than they have lifted me. And for once, I know exactly why. For once I know what is bothering me deep down inside.

When I came to Lahore, I didn’t make any friends here. Because, one; I’m an introvert who loves to be alone and second because most people I’ve encountered here are back stabbing, lying lunatics. And I’m not sorry that I didn’t make any friends because I love to steer clear of all the drama these people bring. And these trivial things become such a heartache. Certainly not worth it.

Yes, I love to be alone. being alone recharges me; keeps me sane. It’s just being lonely that hurts like hell. A day like today, is sadly a reminder of what lovely things I have left behind me in the city I loved so much. It brings a smile on my face and at the same time, it clenches my heart in a suffocating grip. And yes, I’m grateful for all the friends I have, who love me, but are too far away. And like any other pathetic human being, I wish, they were here with me today, physically, instead of this virtual connection we share. But I guess, this is a burden that I must alone bear……

*sigh*

I’ve been thinking about writing a book; a novel of some sort. Or a collection of short stories perhaps, on wattpad. Today might be a great day to start. What do you say?

Until next time…….

 

P.S: I think I’m finally ready to part with the story I wrote and fell in love with.

Hint: look for my next post ❤

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Diary Entry: A Dream Within A Dream


Dear diary,
last night I had a dream. A dream, I fell in love with!
I’m generally a daydreamer. I don’t dream with eyes closed, because I’m a deep sleeper. Well, I do, once in a blue moon. Last night was one such night. I was talking to some friends about meeting my guy in my dream. A guy,who is stuck somewhere in a tree or something, metaphorically of course. If not,then what’s taking him so long? Why wouldn’t he let himself be known to me? :/ I wasn’t really serious, knowing I don’t really dream with eyes closed. But I didn’t only meet my man, we got married in the dream. I still can’t get over the euphoria. I mean, me, dreaming is one slightly impossible thing. Me, dreaming about him is higher on the scale of impossible. But Me, getting married to the person I love, even in a dream……..
EXQUISITE!!!
A dream, within a dream….
I woke up, wishing, I hadn’t! I didn’t want to let go of his sight, just yet. But I had to! A dream like that every night, and I would wish I sleep forever and ever more!
It’s not healthy, I know. But the feeling is just too intoxicating. I’m not such a big fan of marrying a person you don’t love. And my aims and aspirations aside, there is this one person, for whom I would give up my lifelong passions and aims if i have to. I don’t have any wish to hurry in getting married but that one person-if he is the one pulling the strings….. I guess I don’t need to finish the sentence.
My sister’s B’day is just around the corner. I have to work on project Surprise for her. I must go and start working.
Ciao

Happy B’day Chloe!


Yesterday I was there, tomorrow I may not.
The times we made up, the times we fought.
My life is just a reflection,full of your affection.
I’d spend hours,In those memories, lost.
I’ve known no passion greater than yours.
I’ve seen no better friend.
Time may be measured in seconds and hours
But your love has known no end.
Its hard to say in words how I feel.
A broken heart I will never tend.
As long as I have you close,
Of being happy I never have to pretend.
So much to say, so much is felt,
Mere thoughts of you and my heart melts.
Lucky as I am, to have seen, to have known
Your beauteous heart, a face set with frown.
The tantrums you throw, the fights you take on
So full of life, my heart you’ve won.
Love you with your good and bad.
Such pleasure with you I’ve always had.
No matter how much life keeps us apart

index
Be assured you’ll always be in my heart!

Diary Entry 124


Dear diary,
guess what pleasant surprise I got today 😀 My blog is 3 years old. My little baby. I can’t believe I didn’t give up on you,even after seriously considering it for so many times. And guess what, I’m so overjoyed now!
yay
Well,I just wanted to remember this day,as I didn’t before :p Yup,that’s totally me 😀
Well, I didn’t have any other purpose to be here tonight. I’m mentally tired and sleepy. But this news made me wanna jump with happiness. Thought, it a little happiness,worth sharing 🙂
Will see you again,soon.
If life permits…

Buonanotte

Diary entry 109


Dear diary,
Last night was fun. It was my birthday and Chloe’s “not-so-surprise,” surprise was wonderful. The cake, the candles, the balloons, the chocolate, little teddy bear, birthday cards, the room decor, and the Army hat 😀 as if all those things were not enough, there was the birthday song and afterwards Chinese Fried Rice,cooked by Chloe herself!
And then I broke the news that I knew what she was planning and for how long. The ringing laughter afterwards. . . .it was priceless!
My lack of friends made our little endeavour look like a very intimate affair 😛 but thanks to the occasional visits from her friends (who came in to eat cake 😉 ) we were never left alone. Which is a good thing, I guess.
And then there was “my alien buddy’s wish.” Two of my best friends in this city are “Archenemies” for each other. What a shocker!!! Oh did I mention,when I talk to you, Chloe gives me a hard time 😛 sometimes 🙂
Opening Google gave me another cute surprise. Google wished me Happy Birthday!!! This means,2 wishes from abroad :DAfterwards, my cousins tried their best to give consent for a marriage. I asked them to find me a Superman and I will marry whenever they want me to 🙂 That was a fun discussion.
And my mum’s message,full of prayers, loved it.
And then there were wishes from the people I never expected to wish. A senior sister from Alhuda, my cousin, some facebook friends . . . . . .
I wish to say thanks to a person,a friend of Chloe’s,who helped her to get my Army hat,in front of me. That’s the only one with which you got away Chloe.
Meeting Peera,well,that’s another story!
Loved the company as always-enjoyed a LOT. And that friend of yours,I wanted to explain things to him,I could,if I tried to,but I suck at talking. . . .so here I am 🙂
And,thank you for the wish(yaay, you can’t object to a thanks now :p ), for the gift that I’m currently enjoying as I write. Means a lot!
And Goldie, Puhleez!!! I’m not that good at writing!
Before I go,I have to let it all out. Just got the news, a little girl, daughter of my mum’s cousin, died yesterday. For a moment, I had to stop and think. I get to live 23 years of my life and a little girl of two and a half dies. Its heart breaking,but its life. I keep questioning myself, what did I do, to deserve such a beautiful life. Guess,nobody ever knows.
First I get a beautiful weather on my birthday, then rain and hail stones. The beauty of rain drops falling on the roads with a splash and occasional hail stones. . . . . Exquisite!
And right now,there’s a nutcase,threatening to go on a killing spree and a suicide mission on facebook. I have to go and deal with that maniac.
Hope to see you soon again.

P.S:Little sister, I love you no matter what. You are a blessing in my life. Don’t be sad for practically no reason!
And Choozay,thank you for making my day even better with those interesting stories you just told :)Goldie,you traitor,I’m singing alone! :-/

Diary entry 99


Dear diary,
A special day is about to start. Oh,no,I’m not talking about my exam. How can I feel good about an exam :-/ As if life isn’t a big exam itself. . . .
Anyway,its my beloved Ginny’s birthday.
A quick glance at the beautiful past-our past-and I can’t stop myself from wanting to relive to imperfect yet most “perfect” moments of my life.
Our story started in grade 9. I used to (pretty much) keep to myself most of the time even then. Reading Harry Potter novels during lunch break,in class,eating my lunch,while all the class fellows used to go out and have fun. She was new in class. She used to stare at me from a distance wondering. . . . .
Then one day she finally came to me during break and asked me what I was reading. It was Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix,I told her. She asked me,how do I stay so quiet all the time?Don’t I have any friends in class?My answer was simple. “Everyone is my friend here.Just not best friend.I don’t make best friends anymore.”
What a lousy start,right?! But who knew it would be a start of something so new,so powerful. Who knew,she would be the friend I have always wanted,the friend I have always needed!
Yes,she stayed with me,all those years.In happy times and in moments of my demise-holding me,hugging me close. She was the one,who never said no. The only regret I have in my heart is that when it was time of her need,I was not anywhere to be seen.I had already left for Islamabad. And she didn’t say a word. Not even when she needed me the most. I wish I was there,now more than ever.
Anyway,this post is meant for my lovely Ginny. Many Happy Returns Of The Day Sweetie!!!
You hold a big portion of my heart,now and forever!!!
*lotsa warm hugs for you*

Love,
Me.

Diary entry 78


Dear diary,
I consider myself very lucky in “friend department.”You tell me,wont you be happy if there were people who actually cared what happened in your life?Oh no,I’m not talking about parental kinda supervision or even worried siblings.Its my friends.They genuinely worry about me.No matter how much I try  to tell them,that there’s nothing to worry about.There aren’t many things that have the power to make me hurt.I know perfectly well how to keep my distance.Why do you people burn your calories?There is nothing to sweat about,really!

If there are a few things to upset me,then you are there,right?! Plus have I ever been stuck on something disturbing for more than a day or two?I recover,right?! I hold and shake myself.I put on a brave face and move on,all the while fighting with my personal demons.You know,your being there for me when I need you,is the biggest help one can provide.And since there is no permanent damage,so I’d say,all is well that ends well 🙂

Wow!Its like I’m shouting out to my friends more than talking to you today,dear diary.Its true!A friend just told me,its good to let go.That’s what I do.All the negative energy I ever encounter,I try to channel it into positive energy.Helping others is just a way to do it.And I slip sometimes,because I’m still learning how to do it right.I feel like myself,like the emptiness,the void is somehow filling itself.I heard,nobody is selfless,well I guess,its true.I do it for myself,for my own peace of mind and satisfaction.It feels so good,like the  happiness of the whole world has gathered in front of me at that particular moment.It feels like I was born to do just that.

Guess,the fight just never ends there.Its constant,coming back with more force than the last time.But the trick is to keep standing,no matter how much wounded you are.And believe me,nothing heals you more than the satisfaction of being useful in this world somehow.

You wanted to know why,well you know now.And as far as I’m concerned,there’s nothing out there that can permanently damage me,as long as I’m a warrior inside,wont you agree?Plus,hardships come in life to make one strong.You wont find me to be a coward,no matter what.I’ll always be there to strike back,for this is who I am.And I’m not afraid of what life might bring me next.If life comes hard,I’ll be harder.

Anyway,Its my friend’s birthday today.Wish we could meet up as I wanted to make it as special as that friend is 🙂
But here I am,doing what I do best. . . .

GAWwwD!I wrote so much tonight,what’s got into me?!

Oh,and before I go,I’m going to post that incomplete composition in it’s still incomplete form.For a friend once said,”Some things are best when incomplete”

Coming up next. . . . .

P.S:Sayonara!

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