Haters, Traitors, Alligators….


I’ve been dying to write this post ever since I got stabbed in the back 😀 Yeah, I’m happy about it. All this pretending and back-stabbing has gone for too long. I see people for who they really are, not as I want to see them. It’s another matter that I keep ignoring, forgiving and trying to save my relationships. And in one way it’s good that the pretenders, haters in disguises and traitors don’t stay for much longer around me. Yes, I’m too blessed that Allah pushes every deceiver out of my life. Every impure person leaves one way or other. And because I don’t have a habit of ratting people out, people do find me on their own to share stuff that’s tough for them. I can’t say I’m worth all that. But Allah does send them to me to help me heal. Yes, I heal in the process of helping others. And as for liars and cheaters, they keep showing up at times and then they are driven out after some time, without me trying….
Anyway, I recently got betrayed and it didn’t really come as a surprise. I made my peace with it. I had to. When I first thought of writing this post, the wound was still fresh. I planned on sparing no one that night. But with the passage of time, I let my hurt and anger drain out, because that’s who I am! I can’t keep grudges or hate :/
Yes, I’m tired of haters, traitors, stalkers and all other types of alligators who keep looking for a chance to hurt me and to swallow me whole. NO!!! I’m not gonna let anyone destroy me like that. And you all being so hell bent on trying to roughen up my life says so  much about yours.
One and only one sentence for you peeps- Get a life people!

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Protected: Diary Entry: Matters of the Heart…..


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Diary Entry 126


Dear diary,
I’ve been back for past whole week now. Every time I think of writing something here, I don’t. I’ve been watching lots of movies. Feel a little down today. Missed two of my classes. Eid and the holidays went in a blur. Not because the days went by too fast, but because I couldn’t focus on my family this time around. I was too engrossed into my own self that I kept getting irritated when people actually tried to have me participate in the activities going on around me.
I guess,somewhere this was bound to happen. Repercussions of stupid stunts that I keep performing. Oh no, I’m not ready to leave them anyway.
Dear diary, some time ago, something great happened. I was saved once again from making the biggest mistake of my life, by Allah(SWT). Sometimes, things that happen around me, make me realize that Allah loves me so much that He keeps me away from any harms. Anyway, it was a big lesson,of course. And as for a broken heart or something remotely resembling any negative emotions, I don’t have it. Never did,at least in the said matter. Its like I knew, I was ready for something bad to happen. When it happened, I did expect myself to be ready but I never expected myself to be so composed that I didn’t feel a thing. I’m happy that I finally have that much self restrain. I feel ready now,for any and every thing.
This semester is going better than I actually expected it to go, thanks to Allah again. I was supposed to have at least one clinical case by now. I have plenty but without their tests so still waiting for internship to actually start :/ Waiting for the good times to start again,soon.
Obsessed again. This time its an Indian song by Arijit Singh from the movie Creature.
Weather is cold again and NO,its not depressive this time. Yeah,I had someone last year with me through the tough days and this year I don’t really need anyone. I’ve grown out of such feelings. “What doesn’t kill you,makes you stronger!”
The cold weather now inspires me,calls to me….as if telling me there’s more to it than the apparent harshness. I wanna sit outside with a warm cup of decaf,listening to Arijit Singh songs and stare into the depths of the cool nights. Or long drive on empty roads a night,again Arijit Singh songs on….
Okay,by now,you probably guessed,I’m crushing on his voice :/ Its simply sweet. Like honey to the ears. Its kinda hard not to like. Its not real special but its never harsh on ears. So I love it. And his voice has an expression of its own. The the climaxes and downs say more than the lyrics. Its just amazing!
(Okay,I’m babbling now)
I better go. A good challenge has grasped my attention 😉
See you,whenever possible.

Chao!

Give me respite


Why does my heart still skip a beat on hearing your voice?
Why does this spark of hope ignite again?
That maybe,there is a part of you that still remembers me.
Or worst even,a part that hates me,for I did hurt you bad.
I’m stuck in space,no way to outrun your memories
The pain wont let me sleep,the want wont let me live
I have no right to ask you to come to my aid
Knowing its hard to forgive and forget
So I suggest that you hurt me back and be even maybe
For the blame in your eyes kills me from inside
I can’t be near you nor go away
Hurt me bad for I deserve it.
Do whatever,just give me respite. . . .

P.S:I did try to complete it,but guess,some things are never meant to be complete.

say the words


Just say the words and lit the fire.

You want me gone-you horrible liar!

You think I can’t see,

your wariness from me?

I’m not the one that you desire.

Just say the words and lit the fire.

You think you know me

but the things have changed.

I’m not a fool,I’m not deranged.

I can hold myself together

and my need isn’t dire.

Just say the words and lit the fire!

I wont stay,I won’t tag along

long before you knew it,I’d be gone.

so stop pretending,end this suffering sire.

Just say the words and lit the fire!

Diary entry 10


Dear diary,

People I think I know,still amaze me.Its not bad I guess but off course the shock is sometimes eye opening.Yeah,I swear to myself that I’d be careful while trying to trust people but every time,I dunno what goes wrong and I get betrayed.But at least,I have you even if the whole world turns out to be a liar.

So,I  guess I shouldn’t care any more.

Its always nice talking to you.Half of the burden that my heart bears upon itself is gone every time I say whats on my mind.

My friends are sometimes too busy-but i still got you to help me through my mood swings.Thanks a bunch for that.

Gotta go sleep off the remaining hurt.

See ya very soon

Love,

Me!

. . . . but whose suffering is it?


It isn’t my secret to hide or to disclose.I thought I’d never see her again-ever.But when exactly did the life ever go the way you expect it to?

Fear didn’t leave me for the whole night.Ghosts and demons of doubt and worry never left my side for even a moment.What was happening,and why?She was a very good friend.In fact one who was close to my heart.We grew up together and shared most of our secrets and little fears of childhood.We studied and stayed in hostel together.I’ve always known her to have a strong sense of right and wrong.She loved her family and me-as I her.

My heart still refuses to accept that SHE of all people could do this,no matter what the circumstances.

Leaving her home and beloved family,without even a word and not a penny on her-that certainly wasn’t the most brilliant idea that ever crossed her mind.I know I could be a pigheaded person sometimes and if anyone had the potential to do it,it was me.But I know even if I have the potential to do it,I would never betray my family like this-I would never cower-I would never leave the battlefield without giving it my best.Its not in me to give up so easily because I’m a warrior inside.While she left without a backward glance-as if she planned never to return.Now that I look on the matter again,I realise how difficult it is on children when their parents fight in front of them in their every waking moment.

Thanks to Allah she is back safe and sound but the scars of wounds that rendered her depression and made her take such big step would never cease to exist.

She suffered everyday and so did her siblings and her mother’s family and her father’s family.But who was responsible for all this and when was it going to end?

People,your family is like a chain,each member its one link.intact though it may seem but there is always a place of attachment that is weaker than the other parts of each link-and its that weaker part that determines how intact you are and how many deathblows you can endure.Save it before its too late for you!

As for her story-I guess,whose suffering it was,we’ll never know!