Diary entry 121

Dear diary,
my finals have started. Today was my first exam. It went great alhamdulillah. I’m glad it’s over! No more Psychological testing, thank goodness!!! My head is a little out of water but it’s still more under. Until my Mental Health and Psychopathology 2 paper isn’t over, I wont be able to breathe properly. And Gawd, I’m so distracted these days, completely out of focus and don’t even have the motivation to study. I think I wouldn’t even study if I didn’t have to help my friend with her preparation. Just today, I saw two movies. And don’t even get me started on my sleep. I mean I have always had a very sound sleep and now I’m missing it so much! Every night, I wake up without any reason or need at all,just like that. My eyes open, head spins a little, I check my cell phone, close my eyes and in the next instant, I’m fast asleep again. It happens almost 2 to 3 times every night and as many times in the day. I tire my mind so much these days thinking that today I will most definitely sleep till late. But it never happens. Yeah, this means I have to take lots of naps during the day. And guess what, just when I try to study, my eyes start closing :-/
Today, I didn’t sleep in the day so hopefully I will get a peaceful night’s sleep. I’m so yearning for it!
There is a little kid that I wish to be able to kiss before he grows older. I think I’m in love with him. He’s 3 and a half months old and his laughter and smiles are so endearing that its difficult to see him but not being able to touch him. Actually, he’s my “alien buddy’s” nephew and he’s a complete darling!
I dunno if and when I’ll be able to meet him. Yup, it makes me sad that I can’t. He reminds me of the little me. The 4-year-old me. One who was obsessed with infants and new-born babies. I love him with the same passion of that little girl who used to spend hours and hours in CMH Nowshehra nursery, looking at the babies, touching their soft hands and cheeks, talking to the “Sister” on duty. I wanna do that again but seems like I wont get to do that unless its my own baby we are talking about. And I dunno how many years that would take but I’m sure it’s a lot of years I’m talking about.
And now I miss my home and my little cousins.with whom I play at home.
Arrghhhh, this stupid little emotional fool heart of mine, and an equally masochistic brain to go with it……. Wont you two rest before I have a nervous breakdown?! :-/ (God forbid! I don’t want that to happen.)
And my mind seems to be enjoying this writing exercise today( I totally hate you at this very moment. I wanted to sleep!!!)
Oh, I forgot to mention, evening walks in the lawn have been added to my routine(naah,not regular but I guess they would become so.)Yup, I’m shocked too.
And I look like a zombie again,with so many dark circles around my eyes :-/ (as if I care!)
I should probably go before I spill out any of my deep dark secrets, which by the way, I’m inclining towards doing.
I will see you when I see you!

Diary entry 21


Smallville (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lana Lang (Smallville)

Lana Lang (Smallville) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear diary,

Yesterday we studied about “short term memory” and “long term memory” in Educational Psychology class. It was so interesting to know how things work. A day or two back, I was watching “Smallville, season 4”, when suddenly I had a flashback from my childhood. I’ve always loved babies. When I was in Kindergarten, every time I had a day off or I took a day off, I’d go to CMH (Combined Military Hospital) where my mum worked. She was in charge of surgical ward in those days. I remember holding a lunch-box full of home-made chips with ketchup, and asking my mum to drop me off in the nursery in officers family ward. Where I would spend 8 or so hours with new born babies while my mum worked. Let me tell you, there’s not a more special feeling in this world than holding a new born in your arms and watching his little smiles when he sleeps or touching the soft skin. And when the child unconsciously holds your finger in his hand…….there’s no greater joy.

What triggered this memory in the first place?

To be exact, in “Smallville, season 4, episode 20 – AGELESS,” There was an orphan child found by two teenagers (Clark Kent and Lana Lang). The way that child’s presence influenced them, the way they cared for him before his untimely death, I guess that was the trigger, which made that far off memory to come back and with such a force, it felt so real, so intoxicating. Even though I was barely 4 or 5, but the way I used to spend my whole day with children, caring for them and being happy, I would love to have those moments back any day.

Right now, I’m sitting in my class, listening to English presentations and writing this.

Arghhhh, I gotta go and write a paragraph the teacher just gave us.

English: Actor Tom Welling – Comic-Con 2009 - ...

Tom Welling as Clark Kent– Smallville

See ya!