Diary Entry:Temper Tantrums


Dear diary,
I’m going back to the person I was six years ago. As much as I loved her, I don’t want her to take hold of me again. She was great and all but she was an extremely angry minor who used to run towards danger instead of running away from it. I think I’m losing the little control I gained with quite difficulty. ‘Cause that daredevil threatens to come out every single time a situation is a little annoying. It’s been messing with my head and my whole body. Every single time an anger fit strikes, I find my face go hot, heart ringing into my ears, heat radiating from me. I’m a hand grenade with its pin out. My head drums and blood pressure probably rises. It’s hurting me to be me…… I don’t know how long would I be able to not react in anger and damage the things I value in life. I don’t know how long it would take me to snap. I don’t want to snap!
I guess It’s the food here, or the water perhaps. Or I’m just being paranoid. I don’t know. I just had an almost fight with a friend and there is so much I wanted to say but if I hadn’t shut up, when I did, I’d probably be writing about how I lost a good friend today. I think he lost a major part of me today……
How do you know when to stop taking crap from people? how do you know when to stand up for yourself? You’d think I would know the answer, but honestly, I don’t! Yes, I have fought many times but I have never fought for myself before…… And apparently nobody would ever fight for me, except for me! It just making me think, either I’m not worthy enough that someone would fight for me, or nobody ever is! Whatever is the case, I’m not going to change the better part of me, no matter what crap people give me. If this lot, surrounding me, isn’t worth it, doesn’t mean no one in this whole world is worth it. I’m sure I will find someone who really deserves it, some day.
But I’m done taking crap from people- friends or no friends- I’m done!!!
The next time it happens, people would see that the girl behind all that care and smiles has a fierce side to her that no one can stand.
*sigh*
I don’t wanna do it, but I think I will have to….. It’s just not fair on me if I keep refusing to fight for my own self while I fearlessly go marching out to aid others in their fights.
I should probably go now. I’m cold again after so much heat. I need to cover myself up.

Sayonara!

Diary entry 19


Dear diary,

I’m really done with people who try to make me their own puppet.People I’m not the “obedient” material,so just stop it already!

I don’t want to throw “anger phlegm.”I’m asking nicely,leave me in peace,you don’t want my tantrums.

If you are unhappy inside or have some serious issue with your mind,that doesn’t give you the right to show me attitude and destroy my mood.Why don’t you leave me alone and go expect things from someone else?

Giving me hard time won’t solve your problem!

Uh,wait,I’m doing the same thing here.I’m sorry diary.Its just that,you are the only one whom I can tell anything and everything.Just bear with me.I’m trying not to reach my “Boiling Point” here.

*sigh*

I have to think things through.

Later……

oh just great!


You are being stalked-start of the problem.

You endure your privacy violation/invasion silently.

You take your mum in confidence-she’s supportive.

The stalker calls again-your mum talks and tells him to stop-great!

Your brother gives you anger phlegm.

Your dad tells you to shut off the mobile at home-as if that would solve anything when you go back to university!

Great-just great!!!

Your brother wants you to break the sim immediately-Okay,thats enough!

You trust your family to support you in such situations and not turn against you in a way-who needs that?

Then you finally decide-they are not to make the final decisions-its your life,your choices.They are welcome to give opinions-but not to impose them on you.

Some of you may have strong reasons to oppose me.I respect that-but I can’t even think of my life being controlled by someone.

 

P.S:You are welcome to share your opinions here too 🙂