Things That I Know To Be True……


*Fighting depression isn’t easy. I came to know it the hard way! Tears are even harder to stop when they want to get out. I know it because it’s my job to know. And it’s something I undergo, on most normal days now. A psychologist, fighting Depression, have you ever heard that before? But Psychologists are people too, very much alive, sensitive to environment and emotions. Psychologists get depressed too. I know because I’m going through it right now.
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*I know that Allah is my biggest help against everything negative I feel. He is the only sincere friend who will stay by my side even if the whole world decides to turn against me. I trust Him to help.
*I know that bad times will go away as swiftly as they came. And that I’m strong enough to wait a little longer to get better. I deserve as much to be saved as the next person. Nobody can save me except ME, and I’m on it already!
*I know that “She” is still infatuated with him and he doesn’t deserve her. But she still asks for him when it rains,when she prays, when she’s sad and needs a hug, when her demons become bigger than the ones she’s capable to fight-when she needs her knight in shiny armor, during her journeys, at night, in the morning…..

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*I know, running or playing with the kids helps relieve stress and so does singing on the top of my lungs. I need to do that more often.
*The things that I know to have helped me during my stress:
>writing
>running
>playing with children
>singing(nasheeds or songs)
>Recitation of Qur’an
>talking to my friends
>sketching(sometimes)
>helping others
>lying down in my room in complete silence and thinking nothing
>silence
>closing my eyes and thinking about things that make me happy.
>Prayers
>teaching Qur’an to my students.
>listening to recitation.
>challenging myself
>the thought that things are going to change
>Oh, the rare chances of practicing my driving.
>knowing that I still have some sincere people in my life.
>reading, sometimes
>my teddy bear
>going home and getting a hug from my mum and little sister
>my little brother’s humor
>planning for a friends reunion….
*I have know it to be true….. that if you want to change your situation, nature helps you to do it. My environment helped me a LOT. And the thought that “I’m stronger than my problems,” and the ayah from Surah Baqarah(2:285) that says that Allah doesn’t put more burden on His servants than they can bear, these two things kept me from crumbling down and shut down my self-destruct mode that depression switched on.
* When I started writing this post I was under a full blown depressive episode and Migraine attack. And as I finish it today(after a break of almost a week or perhaps more), I am more stable and I haven’t had migraine since yesterday.
*I know for sure,that if depression couldn’t break me,and it did try;it can’t break anyone. We do that to ourselves-all that breaking and collapsing. I know I love myself and I love to be happy,so I try to be. Being positive is the key. My depression made me more determined and stubborn. Instead of breaking me, it made me even stronger!
*I know, if I can manage to defeat it, so can anyone and everyone else who is suffering from this plague!

Diary entry 60


 

Dear diary,

 

On the bus heading back to the University. The seminar was fun. The president spoke in Arabic and there was a translator present too. Even without Urdu translation I was able to understand a major portion of what he was trying to say. The topic was Qur’anic concept of Psychology. Loved the time spent there even though I was sleepy as hell.

 

I just wish people there were a bit more quiet and respectful for the person who was trying to talk to them. Yeah, that annoyed me a lot,the buzzing sound in the back ground first and then the voices grew louder as the time passed.

 

Right now we are speeding back towards University from where I’ll be going directly to Al Huda (In Sha Allah)

 

God! My brain feels like its been fried!!!

 

Gotta post this right now or I wont be able to post it until I reach Al-Huda.

 

Uni is near.

 

See ya again!

 

 

 

Diary entry 57


Dear diary,

Today was much better than yesterday even though I didn’t get any sleep during the night. I scolded the lazy ME and made myself to get out of bed by force (if you know what I mean). Had 3 consecutive classes and then went to offer Jummu’ah Salah at Al-Huda. Then ate lunch with some of my ex-fellows and friends and went to put myself to work. But both me and my supervisor, when we start talking, time flies (I never got to even starting the work I was supposed to do :p )

I’m surprised that I’m still not as tired as I anticipated.

Anyway, we got our major projects assigned in Mass Communication class today. And guess what! I’m gonna be a news anchor (ahem,ahem…..)

I think it would be fun to actually try something new this time. I mean,there was a time when I used to be good at singing. But not I suck at it because its been so long since I actually practiced.

Gotta go.

Diary entry 55


Dear diary,

There’s been a slight situation. A man who worked with my father vanished with 22 lac Rs and my brother just left his university to help my father recover the money. I might be on the brink of leaving the university too-nobody is saying that but I feel so bad.

My fee for the semester is yet to be paid. Yeah, it’s a big problem but it’s surely not bigger than Allah(SWT) and His power. Before leaving for home he told me not to worry. I’m not worried in the least. It’s just that I can’t control my thoughts. My mind reminds me again and again of the present situation. I’m writing here because I think it might help me in putting a stop to my thoughts. Off course I believe in Allah (SWT) that’s why I’m not tense. I know this situation would pass (In Sha Allah) and soon.

Anyway, I’m sitting in Al Huda library and writing from there. Yes, whenever I need some peace of mind, this is the first place I come to. And I totally love it here. My work in IT department is progressing slowly but I’m happy that I came here when I did.

After two weeks of bed rest, when I first came here, everyone asked me if I attended the lectures of Dr. Tawfiq Choudhary who visited Pakistan and Al Huda. I said no. And then they would tell me that the lectures were amazing and that I missed a LOT. I’m happy that I stumbled upon one of those recorded lectures when I was about to start my work here(perks of working with the editing crew 🙂 ). So I took my time and listened to what he had to say. And I have to confess, he’s an amazing speaker.

The topic of his talk was about the Judgment day scenario. He started by saying that he’s a medical Doctor who deals the emergency cases and that in his whole life as a doctor, he has never seen a single patient who died an “easy death.” Some people go fighting, some in pain, some wanting to live a little longer and no one actually ready to move on to the next world.

Death is not easy but why do we fear it so much? Why don’t we ever wanna die?

According to him, our hearts are filled with the love of this world that makes us stop wanting to meet our Creator.

There were some things that I learned today that I didn’t know even after studying the whole Qur’an with translation and explanation. I would love to share them here too.

  • We’ll have our intelligence in our graves too. Imagine thinking about the past – OUR past and the future, while lying in the grave……
  • Angels would come with the news of the happenings of the world to inform people of the graves.
  • Resurrection of corpses on the Day of Judgment would take place after Allah would soak our graves with rain. I was trying to imagine the scene and the picture that came into my mind was…..hand coming out of the grave and then slowly, the whole body coming out…….(yeah I thought of vampires and zombies :p )
  • Sky would be multi-coloured.
  • Earth would be smooth and white like flour and shiny like Silver.
  • The things that people steal in this world, they would carry them on their backs on the Day of Judgment.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking right now? Yeah, help comes from Allah (SWT) just when you need it. I’m happy I listened to that lecture today and I’m happy to know that justice would be served, be it here or in the hereafter.

Anyway, I have an assignment to make and two quizzes to prepare .So see ya soon In Sha Allah!

Ma’assalamah!
P.S: My plate is so full tonight so there is something related to Psychology that I wished to write but it will have to wait for now.