I lost my Pakistani roommate and friend to Poison on Tuesday, January 20,2015. What’s more shocking is that I left her the evening before, in hostel, so cheerful and positive. And what hurts is, that I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye properly because I was getting late for my bus to Rawalpindi. Regrets, regrets and more regrets…… with guilt splashed here and there. What’s even worse is that I haven’t been able to see her for the last time before her burial because of my exam that evening.
Parents and students are afraid, at least those who know about the matter. Curious people kept flooding to my room to investigate, pretending that they feel so bad about her death even though they don’t have a clue of who she was! (Yeah, that’s super-infuriating!!!)
Last time I think I complained about life being boring, and now the kind of excitement I have, I don’t want any piece of it.
One final and viva is left then I would be free from university again In sha Allah, for a couple of days. Then I will have to actually focus on packing my bags from AFIC Mess and shifting them back to my aunt’s place and then the internship itself. As if submitting cases to my university wasn’t enough, which by the way, we have to submit by Monday, we have to submit a case in AFIMH too, before it ends.
(As if, our life wasn’t bad enough!)
I haven’t been able to go back to my home for more than a month and it doesn’t seem like I will be able to, except for a weekend. I, sometimes wonder, if all this sacrifice is worth it…. Because I don’t know how much time I have got and how much time my beloveds have. A sudden death like that of my friend isn’t an uncommon thing. And honestly, I’m terrified of dying without any reason. I want my life as well as my death to have a purpose that helps someone at least. I know the worth of my life; I want my death to be worthy too!
Anyway, back to my old whiney and boring self now. Of course I have lots and lots of things to say but all those things would need my concentration and motivation to come out of the “mind-box” where I hoard them. And I’m not feeling particularly motivated to write any more. Plus I have to prepare for my exam not something I like very much to do. But time is pretty crucial these days and I need to focus….
Till next time…