Diary entry 88

Dear diary,

Presentation went great alhamdulillah! Our teacher loved it and some class fellows were actually listening too :p
Dearie,I have so many mixed thoughts about my (not so secret any more)endeavor.Should I continue on my journey or should I take a break?Should I be even using evil means to eradicate an even bigger evil?
Well,I know evil can’t eradicate evil.So I’m going to ask Allah (SWT) for guidance in this matter. I’m sure He will guide me in the matter and won’t leave me alone. The things I did in past some days were kinda rash, I know it,I realize it. I was impulsive and this impulse could be the death of me. I can’t remember any incident in my past that was based so strongly on impulse. I mean I didn’t have to think about dealing with such a feeling. But just this one came and kinda shocked me and people around me. Yup,I asked myself “What the hell was I thinking?”and so did my friends. I know they still can’t believe I can be such a rash person. . . .
Anyway,my bestie yelled at me again today. And in my desperation and my little moment of weakness,I missed one good friend that I lost in the past who was a good listener. Yeah,I kinda grew sad and then had to slap myself back to present. I’m okay, with occasional feelings of emptiness but then my friends still come to my aid and fill in the gaps. I’m happy and I’m blessed with loving and loyal friends. So what if they sometimes yell at me because they think I messed up again,they do it because they care.
I knew it when my bestie yet again came to my aid. Maybe it was a subconscious gesture when she saved me yet from another trouble but felt to me like the effort made on a very conscious level. In that single moment I felt so special and loved,I can’t even express in words.
And so is this overwhelming feeling as I write these words remembering whatever her way of showing care for me was. I wanna come over and give you a big warm hug dearie!