The Break-up (part 2)

Its like his face is etched on my eyelids
I see him,even when I don’t want to
It’s as if he’s a part of me
His face keeps me up at night
I see him,with my eyes both open and closed
It’s as if he runs in my body
Instead of my blood
Keeping me alive and well
I can’t hide,can’t shun his memories
He’s become an essential part of me
And even if I run away
How can I outrun myself?
How can I escape me?
Oh Lord!This is torture.Its brutal!
How to go on living like that?
How do I survive?
He’s gone but my heart wont let go
I still remember the day we met
And the way we clicked
Like two fitting pieces of a puzzle
As if we were made for each other
Life was all roses and stolen kisses
The late night talks,the giggles
His hugs,felt like home
Love flowing through his eyes
His mischievous smile
Eyes fixed on me,taking all in;savoring
The longing and patience on his part
Oh,and the way he made me feel special
Face;reflecting his own satisfaction
. . . . . . POOF. . . . . . And he’s vanished. . . .
From my life,from my world
Only the memories remain to remind me
No more jolly dancing,no more late night strolls
I’m a broken shard,a hopeless soul now
Insanely sane,going completely insane
Tossing and turning,aching for him
Asking myself “Why?”,over and over
I remember that wretched cold night
As if it was just happening now
Sitting across him on our table for two
I dread that moment,but there’s nothing I can do
He’s made up his mind,I can see it in his eyes
Nothing now,can bring a change
I say,”I can take it!I can take it all!!!”
Silently begging him,take me,make me Yours
But whom was I trying to fool?
He’s so quiet;not a good sign
I wait. . . .patience,slowly leaving me
Then it hits me
,flooding my eyes
He doesn’t want me anymore
But I have to make sure
Wishing I misread his silence
I accuse him,”You’re leaving me,aren’t you?”
He utters not,even a single word
As if he needed to,in the first place
This knowledge does little to help me
I feel frozen in time,numb,lifeless
I want to put up a strong front
But my eyes have a mind of their own
Collecting all my energies,left
I look his way for the last time
And that’s when my heart starts to weep
And my eyes,they too,join in
Goodbye is never easy
There’s indecision,frustration in his stance
A moment that gave away the hidden truth
“He’s still in love with me and I reciprocate!”
But DAMN his sense of responsibility!!!
Did he have to be the thoughtful one?
So what if he was old,I did already accept
Our love was blind,we knew its depth
Why did he have to be with maturity then?
I still wait,and will wait for an eternity
Oh Love!you are so ruthless and deadly
Where should I go?Whom should I tell?
That Love made my life a real Hell
Engulfed by sorrow,I still seek his arms
An embrace of love,that I’ll never get
And a home I can never forget

The Break-up (part 1)

“I can handle it”,she said
“I can take it all.”
Beating heart,pulsing passion
Rugged breath,expectant eyes,on me
Sitting across our table for two
Biting her lip,waiting for an answer
That never took a verbal form
Willing me to say it,out loud
I could see she was nervous
Or perhaps expecting a betrayal
Patiently,she waited
Fears turning into real life nightmares
With every passing minute
I saw her eyes change
A look of disdain perhaps. . . . . . .
“You’re leaving me,aren’t You?”
An accusation in tone
More than an actual question
Hurt voice,tear filled eyes
I knew she wanted it differently
Hell, I wanted it differently!
I knew she wanted to hear her rejection
Oh boy!That wasn’t easy
Not to tell her that I still loved her
To do the right thing for a change
Tortured pale face
Our hearts beating fast
Matching rhythm,racing
It was time to say goodbye
She could stop her tears no longer
And I had to look away
Fearing my resolve might break
Or worse,I may reach out to her
Wipe her tears,embrace her
Put her rosy colour back in her cheek
Giving her a false hope
Prolonging both our miseries
Giving her a sense of security
Only to snatch it away again
But I couldn’t bring myself to do it
To torment her again and again
I know she was happiest,being with me
I saw that flower withering
But someone had to be the responsible one
And sadly,it had to be me
Falling hard for a young beauty. . . .
What the hell was I thinking???!!!
And then she stood,walked away
I sat there,watching her go
I hoped she’ll confront me someday
To ask me why?
But truth be told
I’m too old for her
Too old to be together
Its been years since that cold night
I still burn,ignite and ache for her
Bitter,for I let her fly
Now she’s gone,out of my reach
My beloved little dove
Held captive in someone Else’s arms
Away,safe,sane and happy
And here I am,a dweller of our past
losing sanity,wishing she was here
So this loss I didn’t have to bear
I wanna tell her,”I love You”
And mean it with all my heart
I need her beside me
Or I might fall apart

Diary entry 81

Dear diary,

My sleep cycle has gone awry again.My eyes keep hurting all the time.But other than that,life is pretty and smooth.I have completed the poem I wanted to post.Its in 2 parts.I have decided to name it “the Break up” (Yeah I know I suck at giving titles to my posts.)Anyway,I’m in mood today.So as soon as I finish this post,I’ll start on that one.And I should probably start working on it before I change my mind………

See ya again,soon!