Diary entry 43

Dear diary,

I’m writing with a frustrated heart today. Last night my roomies had a bad argument. Whenever they do that, I find myself, reluctant, but still in the middle of the storm. Why don’t they leave me alone!

I’m sleep deprived today and agitated. I want to go some place where no one can find me. A place, where I find peace.

My roommate has this deadly disease. She’s prone to excessive complaining and taunting. I’m sure, way deep inside, she has a great heart. I’ve seen her affection and care. When I’m physically down, she takes care of me.  But when I’m back to normal, she taunts me nonstop. I so much want to tell her to leave me alone then and that I’m sorry that I am not the saint she wants me to be. I want to say that I hope that one day I’m as caring as she is but I certainly don’t want to practice being caring here. I don’t want to change for her or anyone-according to anyone’s wishes (I’m not especially proud of some thoughts that keep crossing my mind)

What kills me inside is that I can’t say any of these things without hurting her. And I don’t wanna hurt her.  Because if I do, the guilt won’t leave me alone. This leaves me one choice only: to shut up and endure!

But who knows one of these days I snap and say all these things to her.

*evil grin*

For now, my lips are sealed.

Anyway, I have a building headache. I should try to catch some sleep




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